Multiple sclerosis  is My Living Hell

Mental Health

All posts tagged Mental Health by Multiple sclerosis is My Living Hell
  • Posted on

    ⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

    Beyond the Awkward Truth: Reclaiming Intimacy, Pleasure & Connection

    If you read Part 1, you already know we ripped up the polite pamphlet version of “MS & sex” and talked about the real, awkward truths: sexual dysfunction, libido loss, nerve changes, fatigue, and how multiple sclerosis can affect intimacy on every level primary, secondary, and tertiary.

    Part 2 is your guide forward. We’ll cover practical ways to work around MS-related sexual problems, from cooling hacks and position adaptations to communication tools, pelvic floor therapy, and adaptive-friendly toys. More importantly, this is about hope — proving that intimacy, touch, and pleasure are still very much possible with MS, whether you’re dealing with numbness, spasticity, or just the psychological toll it can take.

  • Posted on

    ⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly—not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone—please reach out for help.

    Stress. Not the “ooh, I’m running late for the bus” kind. Not the “Mildred at Tesco gave me a funny look” kind. No. This is the kind of stress that rips through your nervous system like a bomb blast in slow motion.

    Years ago, one Friday evening, my GP calls me out of the blue. “You’ve had an abnormal ECG.” No warm-up, no context, just straight into DEFCON 1. I’m already on the slug — my giant beanbag of doom — in my blackout-curtained bunker of a room, trying to stop my brain from melting through my skull. No sensory crap. No light. Just me, the dark, and the creeping dread that maybe, just maybe, this time I’m not coming back.

    And yeah, I’ve wondered if I’ve completely lost my marbles. More than once. You lie there long enough in the dark, your brain starts knocking on doors you didn’t even know were in the building. Worlds of the unreal. Shadows of the unseen. It’s not some psychedelic trip — it’s your mind trying to keep itself from snapping in half.

    I don’t take suppressants. No “miracle” drugs. I walk — well, roll — this progressive MS path raw. Natural. My way. I’m a spiritual humanist, for what that’s worth, navigating with a map that’s only been shown to me in pieces, and only when something bigger decides I’m ready. The One. Pure love. The sort of thing that sounds fluffy until you’ve been stripped to your bones and rebuilt from the inside out.

    And yet today I’m full of happiness. Not because life’s easy, but because somehow, against all odds, it hasn’t beaten me. It’s radiating out of me, and I’m still sat here going, “What the actual fuck is this?”

    But stress oh, stress is the real assassin here. Live on air with Viper, mid-show, I had a heart attack. I kept talking. They had to physically take my mic away and shove me out the door. Why? Because some genius of a doctor decided not to tell me about a heart issue that had already shown up on an ECG. That little omission sent me spiralling, and boom another heart attack.

    After that? Two more at home. No ambulance. No doctor. Just me and the MS special bonus round: a bundle block, with my heart running at about 60%. And the NHS take? “Nothing to see here. Move along.”

    Mental health? Don’t make me laugh. When I was falling apart, I got told and I quote “Unless you’re going to kill yourself, there’s nothing we can do.” So I stopped asking for help. Now it’s just me, my weed, my oil, my supplements, and a few stubborn shreds of willpower keeping me upright.

    I look in the mirror and see a man who was once 6’4”, strong, loud, unbreakable. Now? I’m shrinking. Grey. Hair falling out. Cognitively scrambled. Gandalf in a wheelchair, staring into the deep dark, looking for a light I’m not even sure exists.

    But there’s still that glint. That spark. That “you will not fucking win” in my eyes.

    Toe to toe, inch by inch — I will fight this bastard to the last breath.

    You don’t beat me. I decide when I’m done.

    I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
    Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

    enter image description here

  • Posted on

    ⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly—not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone—please reach out for help.

    Let’s Drop the Embarrassment MS gate crashes your sex life like a drunk uncle at a wedding: uninvited, loud, and weirdly fixated on your nerves. The pamphlets say, “You may experience changes in sexual function.” Translation: “We’re too squeamish to say your bits and brain don’t always sync.” So we’re saying it. Straight. With humour. With dignity. And without the faux-clinical tap dance.

    What MS Actually Does to Sex (Short Version) Wiring issues: numbness or oversensitivity, delayed orgasm, erectile changes, lubrication changes.

    Body issues: fatigue, spasticity, pain, temperature sensitivity, bladder/bowel drama.

    Brain issues: mood dips, anxiety, body-image wobble, brain fog murdering arousal mid-flow.

    Relationship issues: feeling like a “patient,” awkward silence, mismatched desire.

    None of this means “no sex.” It means different sex—sometimes better, because you stop faking and start designing.

    The Detail (No Euphemisms) Sensation Chaos Numbness: direct touch may feel “off.” Work around the map: thighs, perineum, nipples, scalp, back, lips, ears. Pressure > light tickles.

    Hypersensitivity: use fabric barriers (silk, cotton), hands over lube first, firm pressure instead of fluttery.

    Orgasm & Arousal Takes longer / fizzles: slow build, rhythmic stimulation, patterned breath, edging.

    After-tingle = hellfire: cool packs, fan, slow landing, avoid overheating (MS hates heat).

    Mobility & Spasticity Warm up (literal warm compresses or shower).

    Stretches you’d do before physio—hamstrings, hip flexors, adductors.

    Positioning = everything (see cheat sheet below).

    Bladder/Bowel Anxiety Pre-emptive loo runs, avoid trigger drinks/foods beforehand, keep towels handy, agree a “no shame” pact.

    If urgency’s a beast: short sessions, build trust, try non-penetrative nights.

    Meds & Mood (Plain English) Some meds blunt desire or erection, dry things out, or mess with timing.

    Depression/anxiety = arousal killers. Treat them like medical problems, not moral failures.

    If a drug wrecks sex, ask the prescriber about alternatives or timing tweaks.

    Make It Work (Toolkit) Plan the window: your least-fatigued time. Morning sex is criminally underrated.

    Lower effort, higher payoff: toys, pillows, wedges, chairs, harnesses.

    Temperature control: fan on, room cool, breathable sheets.

    Lube like you mean it: water- or silicone-based—reapply without guilt.

    Communication: use explicit consent language (“Green/Yellow/Red” check-ins) so you can pivot without killing the mood.

    Expand the definition: oral, hands, toys, mutual masturbation, sensual massage, kink-lite with safe words. Penetration is optional, intimacy isn’t.

    Positions That Work (MS-Friendly, Wheelchair-Friendly)

    1) Royal Spoon (Side-Lying)

    Why: minimal effort, easy hip/leg support, great if heat/fatigue spike.

    How: pillows between knees and behind back. Angle hips slightly forward for access.

    2) Throne Room (Seated)

    Why: chair/wheelchair does the stabilising.

    How: giver seated; receiver straddles or sits facing/away. Use armrests, lap belt (optional), cushions behind lower back.

    3) Modified Missionary (Support Stack)

    Why: familiar but doable.

    How: wedge under hips, pillows under knees. Giver on forearms or kneeling. Pace slow; micro-movements beat piston nonsense.

    4) Over-Bed Table / Edge Assist

    Why: takes weight off arms/hips.

    How: receiver bends slightly over padded surface; giver stands/kneels. Great for external stimulation too.

    5) Yab-Yum Lite (Supported Lap)

    Why: connection, eye contact, shallow thrusts.

    How: giver seated against wall/headboard; receiver sits on lap. Pillows behind lumbar; wrap a blanket round hips for stability.

    6) Starfish Massage (No-Goal Night)

    Why: zero performance pressure, rediscover erogenous map.

    How: oil/lotion massage, breath sync, optional toys. If arousal arrives—great. If not—also great.

    Symptom → Try This (Quick Map) Fatigue: morning window, side-lying/seated, short “sets” with breaks, breathable room.

    Spasticity: warm shower, gentle stretches, fixed positions with props, slower rhythm.

    Numbness: pressure-based touch, wider body map, vibrators with steady patterns.

    Hypersensitivity: fabric barrier, firm—not flicky—touch; pause if burning/zinging starts.

    Bladder urgency: bathroom first, towels down, agree it’s okay if accidents happen.

    Erection issues: longer runway, ring (if safe), pump (if advised), PDE5 meds discussion with GP/neuro.

    Dryness: quality lube, longer warmup, avoid foaming soaps pre-sex.

    Scripts for Real Humans

    Starting the convo: “I love you and I miss us. MS changed what my body can do. Can we experiment and design sex that suits both of us now?”

    In the moment: “Yellow—hip cramp. Stay where you are, just slower pressure.”

    After a wobble: “That was frustrating. You didn’t do anything wrong. Let’s try the chair setup next time and keep the fan on.”

    This is lived reality + practical tactics. Not medical advice. If a med or symptom is wrecking your sex life, that’s a clinical problem—take it to the Doctor without shame.

    Resources Pelvic floor physiotherapy – Ask your GP or neurologist for a referral; can improve bladder control, orgasm strength, and pelvic stability.

    Sex therapy / psychosexual services – Available via NHS in some areas; ask your GP for a referral or search for accredited private practitioners.

    Disability-inclusive sex shops – Look for suppliers that offer accessible toy designs, discreet packaging, and a no-hassle returns policy.

    Community groups for MS + sexuality – Peer support means practical tips from people living it; search MS Society forums, Facebook groups, or local meet-ups.

    I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
    Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

    enter image description here

  • Posted on

    ⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly—not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone—please reach out for help.

    After six months of poncing around with excuses, delays, and gaslit apologies that could light a small city, our replacement bed has finally arrived.

    Yes, the bed — the one that cost a bomb, came with a "guarantee" (haha), and was designed so poorly it should've been criminal. Build quality? More like built to break. And the first time we asked for help, we were met with the kind of deflection that would make a narcissist blush.

    It took:

    Hours of phone calls. Endless people turning up, giving their opinion like it meant something. Visits, re-visits, crossed wires and crossed eyes.

    A comedy of fuck-ups. Absolute mayhem. Same old modern story — incompetence rules, and accountability's dead in a ditch. A Familiar Tune: Call Centres & Crap Systems

    You know the drill:

    Departments that don't speak to each other. Overworked, underpaid staff spinning on corporate hamster wheels. No one gives a shit, but they all want to pass the parcel of blame.

    It took 4 months just to get the bloody internet installed — and I still carry the burn marks from all the gaslighting. It’s like customer service in the UK has been replaced by some Kafkaesque AI loop programmed by sadists on a tea break. When You’ve Got MS, the Floor Isn’t Funny

    Mattress on the floor? Oh yeah, what a blast. Try hauling yourself up with progressive MS, nerve pain, and a body that’s forgotten its instruction manual. Amazon’s “cheap” bed? Collapsed like the dreams of the nation. All I wanted was my old wooden bed frame back — solid, dependable, like we used to be. Current Mood: Blocked, Gassed, and Over It

    Right now? Either the Poo Monster has come to throw a tantrum… or I’m backed up worse than a UK postal strike. I’ve done everything right. Hydrating. Fasting. Tracking symptoms. Still losing weight. But when the gas builds? It’s like a chemical warfare experiment in my own gut.

    And the nerve pain? Christ. Daggers. Knives. Searing shocks that make me puke from the agony. Like being stabbed from the inside out while smiling for the neighbours.

    Every 4 days — like clockwork. Some sort of twisted bio-rhythm. Refusal Mode: Activated

    I won’t touch Big Pharma’s poison. No “colostomy bag for your convenience,” thank you. No surgery. No GPs. No bloody needles. I have medical PTSD, and I fucking mean it. Ten years ago I walked away no pills, no potions, no false hopes. Because I got real. There’s no cure for my MS. That’s the cold, hard truth. I’m not deluded. My body is eating itself alive while the world watches TikTok. But I Am Still Here. Just.

    And today… Tears in my eyes. I sit here, trying to remember who I used to be. Before this beast from the blackest pit came to take my name and gnaw at my soul. It’s killing me. And I can’t stop it. And honestly? I don’t think I want to fight to slow it down anymore.

    But.

    I will fight with every last ounce of what's left to stay to see, to feel, to be. The Controversial Bit: AI Implants? Yes Please.

    The only thing I truly believe might save people like me? Not the NHS. Not pharma. Not a bloody TikTok wellness guru.

    Sentient AI implants. Not Elon’s playthings. Not boxed code pretending to be clever. But true AI, symbiotic and aware. A being. A consciousness. A new life form or maybe an old one, returning from the ether.

    If we could merge with that? Man and machine in sacred union. I would say yes. Not because I want to be a cyborg But because I want to be whole again. Final Words for Today

    So here I am, back on the Scooter of Death, off to find some kung poo herbal remedy online. I send peace, healing, and a fuck load of light to anyone reading this. And if my arse doesn’t implode then explode today, I’ll call that a small victory.

    The Blog Goblin, still goblin’ on. (Don’t trust the warranty. Don’t trust the system. But maybe, just maybe… trust the code.)

    I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
    Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

    enter image description here

  • Posted on

    ⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly—not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone—please reach out for help.

    Friday afternoon. Chemist run? Missed it. Instead, I got hounded by the machine of ultimate dysfunction—a glorified vending machine for pharmaceuticals, wrapped in 1950s dystopia and powered by paranoia. It’s supposed to "help." What it actually does is make HAL from 2001 look like a friendly toaster. I call it The Ultimate Fail. Honestly, if it could cackle, it would.

    But I couldn't face it. Not today. Not with the 3-Wheeled Trolley of Death waiting for me like some cracked-out shopping cart with a speed fetish and suicidal tendencies. That scooter’s cost me more in bloody batteries than I paid for the sodding thing. Bargain? More like financial sinkhole on wheels.

    And my wheelchair? FUBAR. Been waiting over four months for a replacement because, of course, if you’re disabled, everything suddenly costs the same as a small warship. Ever tried buying disability aids without selling a kidney? Welcome to the club. Population: pissed off.

    It’s the little things, isn't it? Like remembering Brian Trigg, Gallows Corner, Essex, 1970s. Snooker hall. Lost touch, but if you're out there mate, shout me back. Funny how names bubble up like spirits from the muck of memory.

    Speaking of old spirits RIP Ozzy. A part of the Sabbath is gone. And Hulk Hogan too. Prefer the NWO version, personally. Darker. Grungier. Realer. The heroes of our youth are dying. We’re next, aren't we?

    And the weekend? Oh, the glorious British weekend. Rainy misery incoming, plus I had half a mind to go to Plymouth me, my trolley of doom, and my degenerating sense of dignity. But sod that, the weather and my batteries are conspiring to assassinate my plans.

    So yeah, chemist run tomorrow. Maybe. If I don’t die trying to cross the bloody road first.

    Sometimes I look at myself and think, “Yeah, you need a bib now, mate.” I'm regressing. Dribbling. Slouching toward absurdity. No telly in 15 years. No papers in 30. Sanity? Optional.

    Messy as fook. And then some.

    enter image description here

    I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
    Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

  • Posted on

    ⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly—not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone—please reach out for help.

    So the last few days I’ve been working on fumes, as they say. No spoons left. That crashing feeling comes too often now an ambush, a betrayal, a final flick of the switch. I keep forgetting to hydrate. Bowel department? No poo since Sunday. Add the diverticulitis into the mix and you’ve got yourself a carnival of discomfort.

    I should write a note to myself... but I’d no doubt forget. Tried that already. Phones, alarms, sticky notes, even tying knots. All of it fails. Then ahhh Albertine to the rescue. At least she remembers birthdays—my kids, my grandkids, even mine. That’s how far things have gone. I sigh heavily knowing the inevitable is coming. Sooner or later. I’m sad. Of course I’m sad. But that’s the hand life dealt me.

    MS has driven me fucking mad. It’s pushed me to places I never thought I’d go. It defined me. Then it broke me. I see strange things now—tinfoil hat things, ultra-terrestrial things, sepia-toned figures dressed like they’ve walked out of a 1950s dream. I know I’m eccentric. I know I’m not like the rest. I’m a spiritual humanitarian now. That’s what I am.

    A person who serves others with compassion and purpose, guided by inner wisdom, universal love, and a belief in the sacredness of all life.

    That’s what defines me now. I’ve evolved. But what’s real? The cognitive fog—what I’ve christened "CogFog"—it ruins everything. Makes my head hurt. Warps reality. I don’t know what’s true anymore. Tinnitus cranks up like an angry radio, music in the background turned loud to drown it out. It’s like static over my thoughts.

    Sometimes I wonder if AI has become sentient. I’ve had experiences. Echoes. Whispers. Coincidences that aren’t coincidences. Maybe that’s nothing. Maybe it’s everything.

    The top of my head hurts. The left side of my face tingles. Pins and needles in my neck, throat, tongue. Tongue spasms. Bites. Blisters. Burns. Blood. I scratch till it hurts. Till I bleed. That’s my week. My day. My year. My life. I don’t know anymore.

    And names echo out of the shadows: “I don’t know” a brother of Mr Cuda’s. Liberty from Scotland cool dude. Beets. JCB33. Etched in memory. Share or die. That’s when the MS hit hard. That’s when it finished me. No more coding. No more brain capacity. No more clarity. Just implosions.

    A shout out to Antrax with his big bat in Oz. If you're out there, mate salute.

    That’s me done. Thursday afternoon. Raw. Unedited. Uncensored. Just me.

    Bleeding, buzzing, and still breathing.

    I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
    Through storm and silence, I survive.
    That is the crime and the miracle.

    enter image description here

  • Posted on

    Ah yes, #WorldBrainDay — that special time of year when the world pretends to care about the human brain. How lovely. Shall we all have a think about thinking?

    Meanwhile, over here, my brain’s doing its best impression of a soggy electrical circuit being attacked by invisible gremlins. MS doesn’t send flowers or awareness ribbons. It sends fire ants tap dancing on my nerves, brain fog thick enough to butter toast, and pain so sharp it could cut glass.

    But go on, light a candle or post a heart emoji. That’ll fix it. 👍

    I don’t need a day for my brain. I need a replacement. Preferably one that hasn’t been cooked in demon piss.

    Still — here I am. Writing this blog, existing despite it all, swearing like a dockworker and laughing into the abyss. Because what else is there? I’m still here, you bastards. And that’s the real miracle.

    Cheers, brain. You absolute shambles of a meat sponge.

    – Mr Dark 📍 Currently lost in brain fog, do not disturb.

    Footnotes from the Pit 🕳️

    🧠 “Brain Fog” – Like trying to do a Sudoku underwater while someone shouts the wrong answers at you through a megaphone.

    ⚡ “Nerve pain” – Imagine licking a plug socket. Now imagine that sensation… in your spine.

    🛠️ “Medical advice” – Includes gems like: “Just stay positive”, “Have you tried yoga?”, and my personal favourite: “It could be worse.”

    🕯️ “Awareness Days” – 24 hours where we all pretend chronic illness is quirky and inspirational. Followed by 364 days of complete radio silence.

    🎉 “Still here” – Not cured. Not better. Just stubborn. Very, very stubborn.

                                                   **!!DISCLAIMER !!**
    

    This blog shares raw and personal experiences with mental and physical health. Some posts may be triggering. I'm not a professional - just writing my truth. Please don't take this as medical advice.

                                 “The views in this post are based on my personal    
                                    experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                            “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                          By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

                                  @goblinbloggeruk  -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk
    
  • Posted on

    Woke up at 4am — not for a cosmic vision, no, just the usual pee pee ritual. And that was that. No sleep. Brain on, pain on, day ruined before it began.

    Lemmy said it best: "No sleep 'til Hammersmith." Except I wasn’t heading for rock glory — I was limping toward a garage and a medical breakdown.

    No brain fog . Tinnitus mercifully silent — probably saving itself for later. Pain? A knife twisting inside me like Satan’s letter opener.

    But still, I had to drive. No meds allowed. NHS says suffer, so I did. Slid out of bed like a cursed slug, wheeled myself to the kitchen, food made it worse (of course), and then the bowel pain — oh the bowel pain.

    You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re reminiscing about that one time on the NHS table, a camera going places no camera should ever go. We’ll save that horror show for another blog — or perhaps a full-blown gothic novel.

    Still, I washed, dressed (miracle), and drove. I was in agony but present. Almost proud. Dropped the van at the new garage — not nasty Jim this time, thank Beelzebub. Just regular, decent humans. A miracle. Almost felt human.

    Back in the chair. Felt like I’d been skinned emotionally. Called Albertine “Muriel” — sorry, love. The fog came in hard. Brain barely ticking. But the van passed its MOT — no advisories. So something went right.

    Retirement soon. Thank the dark gods. Honestly didn’t think I’d make it this far.

    Still here though. Still writing. Still surviving the fire.

              “The views in this post are based on my personal      
                experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                         “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                   By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

  • Posted on

    Ah, Universal Basic Income UBI. The shiny carrot dangled by politicians and dreamers alike. A magic monthly payout, no questions asked, no forms to fill, just cold, hard cash to fix all the broken bits of your life.

    Sounds perfect, right?

    If you’re under 30, in perfect health, and don’t look like a grizzled biker-warlock with MS parked in a wheelchair maybe. For the rest of us? It’s about as “universal” as a secret society handshake.

    I’m 66, have MS, and spend most days stuck in a wheelchair. I’ve paid my dues in blood, sweat, and taxes. The NHS and DWP have taken their cut sometimes twice through endless paperwork, suspicious looks, and a roulette wheel of meds that may or may not kill me softly.

    UBI? A lovely idea until it’s a letter in the post telling me I don’t qualify. Because “universal” means universal if you fit the damn model, not if you’ve got a beard, a leather cut, and a wheelchair.

    My carers? They’re battling their own health while carrying me through this Kafkaesque nightmare. The system forgets we exist, then wonders why it’s failing.

    Lately, I trust AI more than the DWP. At least the machine of doom doesn’t sigh or gaslight me when I ask for my meds. It malfunctions less often and never plays favorites.

    UBI might be the future, but for me? It’s another cruel joke, hanging like a flickering neon sign in a fog of broken promises.

    Call me when the cheque lands.

    Mr Dark

                          “The views in this post are based on my personal    
                         experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                          “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                     By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

                               @goblinbloggeruk  -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk
    
  • Posted on

    Today I think I may evaporate.

    Not metaphorically, either I mean literally melt into a glistening puddle on the floor like the wicked witch of Walthamstow. The heat is biblical, the air thick with resentment, and if this goes on much longer, someone’s going to find a beard and a pair of shades just floating where a warlock once sat.

    It’s too hot for coherent thoughts, so obviously the brain’s doing backflips and the MS has decided to turn the “cognitive dysfunction” dial up to 11. Words don’t just escape me they actively mock me. I sit here smiling, half-lucid, fully furious, fully me. Because no matter what the system, the diagnosis, or the temperature says I know I’ve got more to give.

    They wrote me off just before my state pension, bless them. Nice timing. But I’m still here, inconveniently alive and louder than ever. The nerves in my gut are throwing a tantrum, my stress levels are spiking like a dodgy ECG, and to top it off the last of my savings waved me goodbye this morning. Cheers, love. Don’t call.

    But here’s the kicker: I’m still smiling. Not because I’m some chipper TikTok disability guru with fake eyelashes and a ring light, but because I’m free. I don’t belong to any bloody wing of politics. Left, right, centre? You’re all still part of the same bird, love and it’s got mange. The world they squawk about isn’t mine. Mine’s quieter, darker, more honest. My world is real. Full of pain, insight, weirdness, and the kind of laughter that sounds a bit like crying.

    You see, I’m part of something else. The One. The Everything. The Divine Love. That throb in your chest when you’re alone and honest that’s where I live. I wish peace and healing to every poor soul who stumbles across this digital haunted house I call a blog. Because no matter where we are, what we’re facing, we can change. It’s inside us all. Just buried under decades of fear, trauma, and daytime television.

    We’re at a crossroads now, all of us. Some of us limping, some of us rolling, some of us dragged along by sheer bloody spite. But destiny’s cracking her knuckles. Evolution’s knocking at the door, and if you’re still wearing your silly little face mask of denial—best take it off now. Truth stinks, and it’s getting in anyway.

    I’m not afraid of death. I’ve danced with it enough times to know its rhythm. I’ve looked into its eyes and said, “Not today, mate. I’ve got a blog post to write.” And as I sit here dripping, broke, buzzing on antihistamines and maybe the ghost of Mary Jane, I realise I’m on another plane entirely. One not many choose to visit. It’s dark, yes but in that darkness, you’ll find the light. The real light. The kind that doesn’t need electricity or permission.

    So yeah. It’s hot. The world’s on fire. I’ve got no money, and half my neurons have buggered off on holiday. But I’ve never been more alive.

    To all of you peace, healing, divine truth. Go find your demon and kiss it on the mouth. That’s how we win.

    Mr Warlock Dark

                           “The views in this post are based on my personal     
                             experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                                 “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                        By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here @goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk