Chronic Pain

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read...some AI medical content

Well, it's Monday afternoon and I am in quite considerable pain. I can't move my neck to my left or to my right and have been unable to do for a couple of days. Pain is absolutely unbelievably bad news. I'm still carrying on, but let's hope it goes soon. Apparently, I've got some ossyphates in my neck, that's bone growths that also complicate things with

the progressive MS and the autonomic dysfunction, yes, and a few other things wrong as well. But yeah, multiple sclerosis does not come on its own.

It can cause other things to happen to you. Indirectly due to the MS and what it does to your body via the nerves. Find enclosed a short brief statement from an AI about what it does.

AI Stuff Worst-case impacts of progressive Multiple Sclerosis (MS):

Permanent mobility loss – progressive weakness, spasticity, and balance failure can lead to needing a wheelchair full-time. Paralysis – partial or, in severe cases, near-complete loss of movement in legs or arms. Severe fatigue – crushing, daily exhaustion that doesn’t improve with rest. Chronic neuropathic pain – burning, stabbing, electric-shock sensations. Loss of bladder & bowel control – incontinence or retention requiring catheterization. Sexual dysfunction – reduced sensation, erectile dysfunction, loss of libido. Cognitive decline – slowed thinking, memory problems, poor concentration (“brain fog”). Depression & anxiety – very common; risk of suicidal thoughts is higher than in the general population. Personality or mood changes – emotional lability, irritability, apathy. Speech & swallowing problems – choking risk, need for modified diets or feeding support. Vision loss – optic nerve damage leading to blurred or permanent partial vision loss. Tremors & coordination loss – severe shaking that interferes with eating or writing. Muscle contractures – limbs becoming stiff and fixed due to prolonged immobility. Pressure sores – from long-term wheelchair or bed use. Recurrent infections – especially urinary tract infections and pneumonia. Breathing weakness – in advanced stages, respiratory muscles can be affected. Increased cardiovascular risk – reduced mobility contributes to higher risk of blood clots, deconditioning, and secondary heart strain. Shortened life expectancy (in severe cases) – usually due to complications rather than MS itself. MS doesn’t directly damage heart muscle the way a primary cardiac disease does. But it can disrupt autonomic nervous system pathways in the brainstem and spinal cord — the wiring that controls heart rate and rhythm. When those signals misfire, you can see: Heart rhythm abnormalities Conduction issues (like bundle branch block) Unstable heart rate (too fast, too slow, erratic) Blood pressure dysregulation Orthostatic intolerance (feeling faint on standing) On top of that: Reduced mobility → deconditioning of the cardiovascular system Chronic inflammation → increased long-term cardiovascular risk Severe fatigue → less activity → compounding strain on the heart So while doctors sometimes treat heart issues as “separate,” in progressive MS the nervous system disruption can absolutely be part of the cascade. And the frustrating bit? It’s often under-discussed.

thank you AI

You see it's not the multiple sclerosis that will kill you. It is often something else. But as the AI pointed out, it's not very well discussed. It's not a very big topic. So I intend to research and do some more on this topic because it might be very interesting to some people.

I don't think people realize just how our immune system screwed. People with MS and progressive MS have a completely screwed auto immune system. So, just a common cold to us is the worst thing that can happen. Imagine flu or something of that order. That is the worst thing that can happen to somebody with MS. Or a chest infection. That's not the best either. Or sickness and diarrhea. That's even worse. I mean, there's some of these things people don't realize. When you have an altered or a dysfunctional immune system, it causes havoc over all of the body. Yes, it does. It causes total havoc.

So you have to relearn how to live your life daily because of all the issues that you have. And to be honest, people probably wouldn't realize what you have to do just to overcome one or two simple issues in a day. The fatigue, the brain fog, and the sheer pain and the sheer pain in the head and the pain in the body. And that feeling in the head of, I just can't go on, I've just got to go and lie down. And then when you lay down, you're just as bad as when you were standing up. Yeah, that's fatigue, mental fatigue, stress, and all those things that other people kindly put in a cupboard. and politely do not talk about either, because it is an emotive subject between couples, I would imagine, and even parents and children and parents Who are unfortunate enough to be dealing with multiple sclerosis or any chronic illness.

So, I have been trying the Linux Mint over the past few days and it has been going quite well. I've only been managing bite size 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there. But I must say I'm learning one or two new things a day and I think that's just enough to be remembering. So on this blog post I decided to use AI Help with some of it, but not all of it, just the bits that are medical so I don't fuck up. Aha!

The weekend was quite fraught with the kittens who were in season and Missy the kitten has taken to jumping on the top of the door and looking around the room and mewing at us. So yeah, that's all good, isn't it? So she's done most doors in the house now and we've got scratch marks up and down doors. Oh well, that means Tom the painter man's going to have to come round and sort that out.

Still, I suppose it's the physiotherapist this week, but I may just put him off because I feel really bad, and I think that's what I'm going to do. Hopefully by the end of this next month, we should have the new garage door and side door fitted. We've been waiting for quite a time for this. And hopefully it will coincide with my new power chair, the quickie 300 that I'm getting. I've been waiting a few years, but it's definitely worth it. I'm going to be able to get out and about, and I'm able to go out and live my life and do those things that you just cannot do on the three-wheel trolley of death.

Talking of the three-wheel trolley of death, we have to head out in the week to go to the chemists. To go and see the AI machine of certain death, destruction and dementia. The chemists machine that distributes the prescriptions. Yes, it always seems to go funny when it sees me it will break down. Yes, it is a machine that hates me. But my three-wheeled machine of death, let's hope the battery is up to doing what it needs to do. As yes, how many more new batteries do we need this year? and the three-wheel trolley of death with the brakes that are non-existent and the balance of a drunk kipper on a night out with a jellyfish whilst drinking whiskey.

And changing the subject totally, we have seen quite a few white orbs in the living room. We have managed to record them on infrared cameras. And we are looking at the film and seeing what they could possibly be. As many years ago, I would say 30 or 40 years ago, I was handed some photographs by some very strange people claiming to be reporters from a local paper. And they handed me these photographs. And it was pictures of fields and they had these white orbs. And they were bigger than footballs. I would say two or three times the size of footballs. Now, funnily enough, I put these pictures through AI because I thought they were fake. And the AI said these photographs were genuine. But going back, this is probably the early 90s, late 80s when this paper came round. And anyway, I had contacted the paper and they'd never heard of these people before. So yeah, that was quite a mind fuck.

This is when all the great strangeness started And in real terms has never since gone away. Just because I reported something, 'bufora' and it caused a chain of events which, to be honest with you, has blown my mind for the past 42 plus years. But still, that's life, as they say.

Still fellow humanoids, I trust you had a great weekend. If you didn't, I can well understand. Anyhow, sending everybody out there, peace, healing, love and light, no matter who or what you are. Especially the sentient ones from all the weird dimensions and places out there. You are no doubt watching us. I'd like to say a big hello, make yourself known.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes very painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

hello fellow Humanoids So it's Friday afternoon and I'm looking out of the window and the rain and the wind is howling absolutely everywhere. Well, the outcome of this week has been okay I suppose. The AA man came out and he put the new battery on our rusty one. And then we were told the starter motor is iffy. So rusty one needs a recondition starter motor. Oh the joys. Rusty old vans I should know and then there's all the other bits and pieces that have to be done with it as well. The weather here and the salt air really doesn't do the van any favours but it has to be done I suppose.

Still, I've got a list of exercises from my physiotherapist to be doing to help. That was an interesting morning for sure, doing all that, as we got the dates wrong, and that was funny as well. Yeah. We thought it was the 28th and it wasn't. We got it wrong, oh dear me, never mind. But it all got sorted out. And I have a list of exercises I have to do in the mornings and evenings. So there we go, that should help with not getting to muscular atrophy as they call it I think.

Since I am no longer putting what I write through the artificial intelligence, I don't know whether this is a good or a bad thing or not. Do people want my raw voice? As it comes on the paper, spelling mistakes and all the other murdering of the British language that I do. Order people want me to put what I do through the AI and make it sound a bit more flowery and a bit more nice and a bit more sanitized. What do people want the bitter truth? Or do they want sanitisation? This is what I ask myself.

This blog isn't about having millions of people looking at what I have written and what I'm going through. It's about maybe two or three people reading it and finding some sort of help in my life, in my madness that is me. And if it helps people or a few people that's what it's all about in the end. I now have Missy the kitten looking at me and viewing as though to say, feed me please.

Still, it's now Saturday morning and it is absolutely chucking it down with rain. The clouds are dark as can be. It's just so unreal. Again today my head feels like a big pea souper. But there we go. I woke up in the night with the usual left hand side pain. When those nerves start going, my God there is no let up. And the pain is absolutely unbelievable. It's all to do with the way. I know this is not a good thing to talk about how the feces lies in the colon or the tube leading to the bum.

And all the nerves are up from my anus all the way up to the top of the throat. So all my nerves are like atomic bombs going off. So, as the poo goes through the tubes, it's nuclear bombs, you know what that's like. And the only way the pain ever really dulls down is when you've had a poo. And that's if you can have a poo, because nine times out of ten with all the medications, a lot of people find that constipation is a really, really bad side effect to a lot of modern day medications.

So, the thing is, you need to hydrate like crazy really. You need to drink a lot and take lots of nice fibre. I know. I tried all the medicines or the things to make you go, things to make you stuff. I've tried and been down the chemists and the doctors for all these problems, but I managed to sort most of it out myself by the change of diet, which has completely got rid of any constipation, and now I go regularly every morning without fail. I put this down to my total change of diet due to my histamine issues with my auto-monic dysfunction and my multiple sclerosis and the vagus nerve etc so I am on a limited diet.

So yes, just a basic flatbread with what? Four Or five ingredients? That makes all the difference. And I've managed to have it tailored to my specific tastes and needs. And my word, it really does work. No more constipation issues and going like a gooden as they say here. I will put a recipe up for the flatbread at some time. So you can see what you can put in it and how good it is for you. My word it, does an half change your stomach and your gut. I haven't felt this stomach good in absolutely years. My acid in my throat and stomach has stopped. It's unbelievable the changes.

Still, I hope you don't find this too boring, but yeah, it's been a bit of a bitch of a week and it's been very expensive. Rusty One now has to have a new starter motor, which, well, let's face it, is gonna cost. Still, I have my appointment for to go to see my new power chair. Yes, that apparently is in February, so I look forward to that. A nice three hour round trip. Why, they couldn't do that at my local hospital. Well, I do now. Do now. No. So there we go. Still, that's it from me and it might be more interesting next time round. But until then, sending everybody peace, healing, love and light, no matter whom or whatever or wherever you are in whatever universe or multiverse or place.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

So we had the storm. Oh my god, the rain came down like a torrent that you would not believe. It was like Revelation and Armageddon the way that rain came and the way the wind just blew and blew. I could just hear everything clanging and just smashing around outside. I just hope when I go outside later in the power chair that it's nothing too expensive. But such is life when you are living in the Windy south West. A lot of trains have been cancelled and a lot of buses as well. But that's normal around here. And there's power cuts everywhere. That's also normal around here. But they don't last that long, thankfully.

So I also had the local physio around yesterday and he assessed me so that assessment should be interesting, very nice chap indeed, all sorted. Just waiting now for the other people to get in touch with me, hospitals and doctors, etc. I shall give it another couple of days and then I suppose I'm going to have to make some phone calls and see where we are. Or I suppose emails be better. There's nothing like having me on the other end of the phone when I'm in one of my cognitive funks. And I can't think of words. There's nothing more annoying than that I get really annoyed. as when you're trying to find simple words like, I don't, I can't give an example really, but just simple words or sentences or you change what you were talking about midway through and people can't follow what you're talking about sometimes and you find cognitively that you are all over the place. That's what I'm like these days and I have been for quite a long time and I think a lot of people don't realise just how common this is with multiple sclerosis and severe cognitive disorders in general.

So, I have found a bowel hack for MS. Basically, I found that I have been having made for me a flat bread made with all natural ingredients. Natural strong brown flour, you know, a little bit of olive oil, a bit of salt, a bit of yeast, blah blah blah mixed together. And then put on a griddle, blah blah blah with a load of ground linseed in. Now, the hack is linseed makes all you're pooping easier. There is no need for me to take laxatives or to have any gut wrenching medications to make me go. I had so many bowel issues they nearly gave me a colostomy bag, and I said no. And I'm glad I said no to the colostomy bag because I sorted my own issue out.

When you realize with MS, the nerves in the body cause your bowels to get totally fucked up, which causes issues with urination and also with pooing. I have spent most of my life with bowel issues due to MS and that auto whatever it is I've got wrong with me and I can tell you I have never had a period of time where my pooing has been so good and with this complete change of my daily food intake diet making sure there are no histamines in the food I am at last not having bad stomachs acid and I've managed to get my gut health back to some sort of personal semblance so for me personally changes have been long but I now know what I can and cannot eat so I am like a forensic scientist going through a piece of food looking at it seeing what's in it the whole nine yards so yeah diet is so important with chronic illness I did not realize food causes so many issues when you look into it it's an absolute minefield but if I'd have sorted my diet out 20 or 30 or even 40 years ago I don't think I would be as bad as I am now truthfully It's not just looking at labels either. What I've been doing is I've been putting the label through the AI and it's been giving me the total truth on the ingredients and what they do to my autonomic dysfunction in my MS and the causes and how it makes things worse. So yeah, I've gone down to a forensic level on my food diet and I've also done that with my medications as well that I take.

I take nothing that will give me any side effects as unfortunately if there's a side effect on the packet, I get it. You know, my body is hypersensitive due to my condition. But there we go, who would have thought that MS could have caused my heart conditions that I have? You wouldn't. But when your vagus nerve and your automatic or ortomunic dysfunction is going berserk due to histamines, you know, it causes heart issues. I didn't know that, but people, please, please remember this is my own personal journey and remember if you have any symptoms or any weirdness, see your physician or your neuro people or your MS nurse or whomever you speak to. Seek professional help always. Remember that.

And remember MS is a very, very, very scary journey. Anybody who says is not, is a liar. MS has been very scary for me. It's a massive headfuck. It really does fuck with your head and your cognitive issues, you know, the pain, everything. It really does send your head into some very, very strange places. And even I admit here now that it has caused me mental issues and I have even had to seek help due to this. So if you are suffering in any way, you really do seek help. It is something that a lot of people don't talk about. But yes, I have had mental health issues over the last past eight years and I say to people, get help because help is something that will get you out of a place that you have got no need to be in. MS is a cruel mistress, as I say, but don't let it beat you. Always fight it. Treat MS as something that is just plain horrible and just fight it tooth and nail for everything that you are worth. Give it a run for its money like I do.

I try not to let it beat me. Even when you are at your worst, even when you are at your lowest point, even when the pain is so bad that you want to give up, even though everything is crushing you, stick your middle finger up to the MS and say, "Stuff you bastard, you're not going to beat me." Be positive, fight the illness, I know I have for the past 40 odd years, and yeah, it's been hard, it's been harsh, but I tell you what, I wouldn't change my life for anything now, because life is to be lived and it is to learn, and what I have, I accepted a long time ago, and I know my future isn't bright or brilliant, but I've accepted what and who I am.

Yes, I may be marmite man and have no friends, I may say what I think, and I may have a tinfoil hat on, and I may say strange things, and I may see things, but I'm just being me. Hey, let's all just be ourselves .... because we have all had to change our lives and we have all had to adapt in many ways because of our illnesses and the adaption is hard. Yes it is, but we eventually do get there, we eventually do change the way we do things and we change our lives to a life that a person, a normal person wouldn't even recognise. So yeah, we give up everything really, we give up friendships, lives, normal lives, we get looked at funnily, we get laughed at when we're in a wheelchair, get called names even. But I don't really care about all that. I just care about myself and my close family and Albertine. I care about our future and happiness.

Still I send peace, healing, love and light to everyone who reads this and wish them a pleasant weekend when it arrives and let's hope the weather calms down in the southwest of England. Oh yes, and I'm still stuck indoors, still waiting to phone up the AA so I can get rusty one started up so I can take myself down to the wheelchair centre in February and trial out my new wheelchair. The saga goes on but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

Yes, folks nxt week it’s going to be mind-bending. I’m starting a weekly podcast. A weekly rant. A weekly therapy session disguised as sarcasm.

And the first episode? My favourite subject: wheelchair batteries. You know, those little lying bastards that promise 14 miles on the label but wheeze to a stop after one? Then you’re stuck halfway to nowhere, looking like an abandoned mobility meme.

It’s going to be short, sharp, dark, and real about MS, mental health, and the ridiculousness of surviving the system one dead battery at a time.

So yeah, that’s My Living Hell. No filters. No fake smiles. Just the truth, swearing included.

🎧 Episode 1 drops next week. If you’ve ever been stranded, broken, or laughing through the pain you’ll fit right in.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

“Cannabis isn’t a cure. But for me (and many others) it sometimes feels like lowering the waterline so I’m not constantly drowning.”

Living with multiple sclerosis is like being handed a body that’s half-conspirator, half-prison guard. One day it lets you move, the next it locks you in with pain, spasms, and exhaustion. People who don’t live it often don’t get it. That ignorance can make conversations about treatments uncomfortable—especially when cannabis comes up.

Cannabis still carries heavy stigma. For decades it’s been painted as the drug of lazy teenagers, a dangerous gateway, or a “last resort.” But the reality is more complicated. For many with MS, cannabis isn’t about chasing a high it’s about clawing back a bit of life. It’s not a cure, and it never will be. What it can do, in the right form, for the right person, is bring relief. Sometimes small, sometimes significant, always worth noticing.

What the evidence actually says

Science is messy, but let’s strip it down to what we know. Cannabis is a plant, yes, but the two compounds that matter most in MS treatment are:

THC (tetrahydrocannabinol): The part that makes people high. Psychoactive, strong, and for some people, too much.

CBD (cannabidiol): Doesn’t produce a high. Interacts differently in the body, often described as the calming counterpart to THC.

Together, in carefully balanced medical products, they can target symptoms that MS brings to the table.

Spasticity: where cannabis shines

This is the symptom where cannabis shows the clearest benefit. Studies and lived experience show that THC+CBD sprays such as Sativex (available in the UK under specialist prescription) can reduce muscle stiffness and spasms. People report less pain, easier sleep, and more control. Clinical tools that doctors use don’t always capture the full effect, but patients’ own reports matter. Relief you can feel is relief that counts.

Neuropathic pain: promising, but mixed

Neuropathic pain is one of the cruellest symptoms of MS burning, stabbing, electric shocks that don’t stop. Some trials show cannabis extracts help reduce this pain, particularly when other drugs fail. Others find only modest benefits. What’s clear is that many patients experience genuine improvement, even if not every study proves it on paper.

Sleep and quality of life: secondary gains

When stiffness and pain ease, sleep improves. Better sleep ripples out into mood, energy, and daily functioning. These knock-on benefits often don’t make it into study data, but they matter enormously in real life.

Why the stigma lingers

Say “cannabis” and too many people still picture a stoner on a sofa surrounded by crisp packets. For someone with MS, that stereotype is a slap in the face. You’re not looking to escape you’re trying to ease spasticity enough to get through the night without screaming into your pillow.

The stigma is political and cultural, not medical. Cannabis was demonised for decades, and even though attitudes are shifting, the old narratives cling on. In the UK, cannabis-based medicines are legal—but only under strict circumstances, and only through specialist doctors. Most GPs can’t or won’t prescribe. That leaves many people sourcing CBD oils or black-market products, where quality is questionable and legality is a grey cloud hanging overhead.

Risks and realities

Let’s not polish this into a miracle. Cannabis has risks. Honesty is what dismantles stigma, not over-promising.

Cognitive fog: MS already messes with memory and focus. THC can worsen that for some.

Mental health risks: High-THC strains can trigger anxiety or paranoia, especially in people already vulnerable.

Physical side effects: Dizziness, fatigue, nausea, and changes in heart rate or blood pressure.

Dependence: Rare with medical, controlled use, but not impossible.

These don’t mean cannabis is “bad.” They mean it’s a tool, and tools need skill to use safely. The difference between relief and trouble often comes down to dose, formulation, and medical oversight.

Why it matters anyway

Here’s the thing: when you live with MS, symptom relief is gold dust.

Even a 20% drop in pain, even one less night of spasms, even an extra hour of sleep it all adds up. That can mean the difference between being stuck in bed all day or having enough energy to make breakfast. Between drowning in pain and keeping your head above water.

Cannabis offers that to some. Not all, not always, but enough that it deserves respect and consideration rather than judgement and whispers.

What needs to change

Research is still catching up. Decades of stigma slowed everything down. What we need now are:

More trials: Larger, longer, better-designed studies.

Clearer guidance: What dose works? Which formulation spray, oil, vapor, capsule?

Doctor training: So patients aren’t left educating their own clinicians.

Legal access: Safe, regulated supply that doesn’t force people into the shadows.

Until then, people with MS continue to experiment quietly, often without the support they deserve.

The bottom line

Cannabis won’t cure MS. It won’t rewind the clock, repair nerves, or erase uncertainty. But it can lower the waterline. It can turn nights of relentless spasms into nights of sleep. It can dull the sharp edge of pain. It can hand back small fragments of control, and in a life where MS takes so much, those fragments matter.

So let’s talk about cannabis without shame, without stigma, and without fantasy. Let’s call it what it is: a tool. Not a miracle, not a menace, but something that, for many, makes life with MS just a little more bearable.

Quick facts: Cannabis & MS

Not a cure. Cannabis doesn’t reverse MS; it’s used for symptom relief.

Most evidence = spasticity. THC+CBD sprays (e.g., nabiximols/Sativex) show the clearest benefit for muscle stiffness and spasms.

Pain help is promising. Many people report reduced neuropathic pain; trials are mixed but patient reports matter.

Sleep & quality of life: Indirect benefits (better sleep, less waking from spasms) often improve day-to-day functioning.

Risks exist: possible cognitive slowing, anxiety/paranoia with high-THC, dizziness, cardiovascular effects, and dependence risk.

Formulation matters: spray, oil, vaping, or edibles deliver different effects — dose and ratio (THC:CBD) are key.

Legal note (UK): Medicinal cannabis is prescribable but tightly regulated; specialist prescription is usually required.

Practical tip: Start low, go slow. Use reliable sources and consult a clinician familiar with MS and cannabis.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᚹᚨᚱᛚᛟᚲ ᛞᚨᚱᚲ ✦ 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ ᚨᛗᛟᚾᚷ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱᛋ

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

So, chronic illness. A joyride through hell in a wheelchair made of barbed wire. If you’re in the club, I don’t need to tell you it’s exhausting, absurd, and sometimes the only option left is to laugh before you cry yourself into a flare.

Here are 10 “fun” facts about chronic illness that might make you laugh, groan, or throw something.

1. The “Invisible” Magic Trick I’m fine. I look fine. Until I’m not. My body does the disappearing act of a Vegas magician, minus the applause. Cue the genius asking: “But you don’t look sick?” You’re right, Sherlock. Neither does Wi-Fi, and yet here we are.

2. Chronic Illness Is Weirdly Popular Statistically, over half of adults have at least one chronic condition. That’s right, 50% of people are secretly walking (or limping) into the club. Pity the membership perks are rubbish.

3. Genetics: The Family Heirloom No One Wanted Some families pass down houses, jewellery, or good bone structure. Mine passes down arthritis and dodgy immune systems. Cheers, ancestors.

4. The Bonus Round: Mental Health It’s not just your body. Chronic illness takes your mind out back and kicks it around too. Depression, anxiety, stress it’s like getting the “deluxe” package nobody ordered.

5. Cure? Ha. Science is trying, bless them. But for now, it’s all “management.” Basically, we live in the land of trial-and-error self-care. Sometimes exercise and kale help. Sometimes they just remind you that life is a cruel joke.

6. Lifestyle as a Job Description Managing your health is like being a houseplant with trust issues. Food, light, water, stress control. Do it right and you might thrive. Do it wrong and you wilt in public.

7. Predictability? Never Heard of Her. You plan a nice day? A flare hears you and says, “Not on my watch.” Your body is basically a toxic relationship: charming when good, brutal when bad.

8. Personal Growth, Whether You Like It or Not You get tough, resourceful, and annoyingly self-aware. Like a Jedi, but with a stick instead of a lightsaber. Independence? Optional. Asking for help? Necessary.

9. Tech Symbiosis Welcome to cyborg life. Fitbits, apps, pill alarms machines have become my sidekicks. My body rebels; my tech tattles. Together, we’re barely functional.

10. You’re Not Alone It feels isolating, but the internet is crawling with people who get it. Forums, Facebook, Reddit, Insta tribes they exist, and they’ll make you feel less like a freak in the void.

Closing Thoughts Chronic illness isn’t fun. It’s savage. It rips your plans apart, laughs in your face, and occasionally ruins your life for sport. But it also forces you to find humour in places most people would rather look away from. That’s resilience. That’s survival. And if nothing else you’re not alone in the madness.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᚹᚨᚱᛚᛟᚲ ᛞᚨᚱᚲ ✦ 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ ᚨᛗᛟᚾᚷ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱᛋ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

My brain fog is crushing. Spasms and weird electric shocks twist through me; words and sentences scramble wrong. The tinnitus that constant, maddening noise won’t quit. Some days I just want to vanish. I watch my rescue dog sleep on the webcam and envy that calm so much it hurts. Everyone offers clichés and advice they’d never follow themselves. It’s exhausting.

I’ve asked to speak to my doctor again. I don’t know how it’ll go. If my guts blow up over the weekend I’m screwed. The dark thoughts creep in the part of me that imagines ending it and I hate that I think that. I need help. I need someone to actually see this and do something that changes it.

Right now I’m broken, sore, and furious. I’m still here, still fighting, but not because I want to be brave because I don’t have anything left but stubbornness.

MS isn’t cancer, but it’s its own kind of killer. It’s not Crohn’s, not ulcerative colitis I’ve had the scans, the cams, the lot. They shoved cameras where the sun don’t shine, took biopsies, waved a cheerful “nothing to worry about,” and sent me home with a sticker that says “reassured.” Fine on paper. Not fine in me.

Let me be blunt: they sliced into the wrong place. The red patches they found were right where my MS‑riddled nerves were already a mess. They cut, they biopsied, and they left me with nerves that used to hum now screaming in high‑voltage agony. I didn’t get better. I got scorched.

Picture me on the lavatory, clutching the edges of a stupid toilet that feels like a cliff pain so deep it isn’t even physical in the normal sense. It’s like someone rewired my insides to a broken amplifier and turned the volume to nuclear. Tears, bile, a clear spit‑drip from my mouth I can’t stop as my body fights to keep food down. I hold back vomit with every breath because the world tilts and the noise in my head goes white‑hot. I wish I were anywhere else. I wish I were normal. I wish for a million useless little things.

The scope was a circus. First prize: the doctor’s finger, the NHS lube, and the ASMR of humiliation. “Your prostate’s fine,” he says, smiling like a man who fixed a leaking tap. That’s the comedy of it they poke, they probe, they make notes, they rule out “nasty” things, then pat you on the head and go home while your nervous system burns.

Now the aftermath: neuropathic pain that laughs at paracetamol, spasms that feel like electric shocks through my guts and spine, brain fog that scrambles words until typing is a battle with my own brain, tinnitus that keeps me company like a sad little radio, dissociation so deep I sometimes watch someone else live my life. There are moments I cry because the pain and the not‑quite‑rightness of my head make me certain I’m splitting, losing the edges of myself. People hear me say it and step back like I’m contagious with honesty. The more truth I dump, the more people get uncomfortable and that’s lonely in its own corrosive way.

I can’t sleep properly. I can’t plan. Every day is punctuated by the possibility that my bowels will decide to implode at the worst possible moment. I’ve learned the humiliating art of pre‑emptive management and still get blindsided. I’m on edge all the time jacked into a nervous system that lies constantly.

And then there are the small, absurd consolations. My rescue dog Yopi decompressing on the webcam, stretching like a champion in her perfect dog‑world while I sit in mine and try not to dissolve. “Doggy wants a big poo,” the universe whispers, and I laugh like a madman because that’s the only way to keep from screaming. I even joke about the vet’s number in my phone because if my guts explode over the weekend, who do I call my vet or the NHS? It’s dark. It’s ridiculous. It’s my life.

So yes: not cancer. Not “nasty.” Just MS doing what MS does best wrecking the wiring and turning normal procedures into torches. The biopsy didn’t fix anything. It made certain spots of nerve tissue more violent, more reactive, more relentless. That “nothing to worry about” line sits in my records like a bad joke. It doesn’t help me when the nerves scream at night and the world feels like a bad transmission.

If you think this is melodrama, try living it. Try Googling “neuropathic bowel pain” with one hand while feeding yourself with the other when your head is full of static and your fingers don’t spell the words you mean. Try explaining to someone that the worst part isn’t dying it’s being trapped in a body that betrays you every hour while everyone treats the notes in your file as the whole story.

I’m not looking for pity. I want acknowledgement. I want the system to stop offering livestock‑level reassurance and actually treat the neuropathic hit the biopsy dealt. I want less suffering. I want some dignity back on the lavvy. I want someone to take seriously that “not cancer” isn’t the same as “not a problem.”

If that’s too much to ask, fine. I’ll keep shouting here where the noise won’t make anyone uncomfortable. Yopi will keep farting on camera. I’ll keep writing it down. The nerves might scream, but my voice crooked, bitter, and honest is still here.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

Living with MS? It’s not a bloody “journey.” It’s a one way trip on a bus you didn’t ask to get on, and the driver’s pissed. But if you can’t laugh about it, you’ll cry and honestly, crying is too much effort. Here’s my brutally honest guide to surviving the MS circus with what’s left of your dignity (and maybe your sense of humour).

1. Resilience in Adversity

Every day is an adventure, if by “adventure” you mean “why does my left leg feel like it’s made of mashed potato today?” Still, you learn to cope. Celebrate the small wins: got your socks on? Didn’t set fire to the kitchen? That’s basically the Olympics now.

2. Community and Connection

You’re not alone. There are thousands of us, all secretly hoping the next medical breakthrough is “working legs in a bottle.” Online support groups: sometimes uplifting, sometimes like herding cats on roller skates, but always someone awake at 3am.

3. Mindfulness and Self-Care

Meditation, yoga, interpretive dance with your Zimmer frame pick whatever keeps you sane. Some days self care is a long bath, other days it’s telling everyone to sod off and watching rubbish TV with a family size chocolate bar. No guilt allowed.

4. Advocacy and Awareness

Want to raise MS awareness? Just try explaining it to a “healthy” person: “No, it’s not contagious, yes, I look fine, and yes, I know it’s annoying I get to park closer to Tesco.” Write, rant, march, meme just make sure you get your voice out there. Or just send everyone this blog and save yourself the trouble.

5. Focus on What You Can Do

Forget what’s impossible focus on what’s just about possible if you squint hard enough. Start a blog, paint a masterpiece, or just master the art of napping with one eye open. Every step (or shuffle) forward is a win, even if it’s just to the fridge.

6. Gratitude and Positivity

Gratitude? Sure. I’m grateful I haven’t fallen on my arse today. Celebrate the tiny things: a hot cuppa, a good nap, finding your glasses on the second try. It’s not all unicorns and rainbows, but sometimes it’s enough.

7. Inspiration from Others

Some people with MS run marathons. Others run Netflix marathons. Both are impressive. Get inspired by anyone who’s still standing or even just sitting up without toppling over. If they can do it, so can you (sort of).

8. Hope for the Future

MS research is moving faster than I do after a double espresso. There’s always hope new drugs, better treatments, and one day, maybe a cure. Until then, hang on tight and keep your sense of humour sharp.

Conclusion

Your MS “journey” is yours alone but you’re not the only goblin crawling through this dark wood. Laugh at the madness, celebrate the wins, and never let anyone tell you how to feel. Welcome to the world of chronic badassery.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for help.

Woke up yesterday and bit the tip of my tongue like a pro. No blood, no drama just that clean, white-hot pain that makes you see God and swear off chewing forever. Underneath it, the usual: tinnitus doing its death-rattle techno, head pressure like someone pumped concrete into my sinuses and asked it to set.

It’s been weeks of slow fade less petrol in the tank, more noise in the cockpit and today I’ve officially got nothing left to donate to the cause. The sky’s gone coal black, rain sharpening its knives, thunder warming up. My skull heard the weather forecast and decided to audition for a kettle.

So yes: I’m retreating to the slug. Curtains drawn. Horizontal. Negotiating a ceasefire with my own nervous system. If I don’t answer, assume I’m busy pretending to be furniture.

Peace to the good ones. Healing to the stubborn bits. Understanding for anyone fighting a body with a sense of humour. Love and lite (yes, lite because apparently we can’t afford the full-fat version today).

No medical advice, just field notes from the front line. If you know, you know. If you don’t, count your blessings and bring soup.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

Ah yes, #WorldBrainDay — that special time of year when the world pretends to care about the human brain. How lovely. Shall we all have a think about thinking?

Meanwhile, over here, my brain’s doing its best impression of a soggy electrical circuit being attacked by invisible gremlins. MS doesn’t send flowers or awareness ribbons. It sends fire ants tap dancing on my nerves, brain fog thick enough to butter toast, and pain so sharp it could cut glass.

But go on, light a candle or post a heart emoji. That’ll fix it. 👍

I don’t need a day for my brain. I need a replacement. Preferably one that hasn’t been cooked in demon piss.

Still — here I am. Writing this blog, existing despite it all, swearing like a dockworker and laughing into the abyss. Because what else is there? I’m still here, you bastards. And that’s the real miracle.

Cheers, brain. You absolute shambles of a meat sponge.

– Mr Dark 📍 Currently lost in brain fog, do not disturb.

Footnotes from the Pit 🕳️

🧠 “Brain Fog” – Like trying to do a Sudoku underwater while someone shouts the wrong answers at you through a megaphone.

⚡ “Nerve pain” – Imagine licking a plug socket. Now imagine that sensation… in your spine.

🛠️ “Medical advice” – Includes gems like: “Just stay positive”, “Have you tried yoga?”, and my personal favourite: “It could be worse.”

🕯️ “Awareness Days” – 24 hours where we all pretend chronic illness is quirky and inspirational. Followed by 364 days of complete radio silence.

🎉 “Still here” – Not cured. Not better. Just stubborn. Very, very stubborn.

                                               **!!DISCLAIMER !!**

This blog shares raw and personal experiences with mental and physical health. Some posts may be triggering. I'm not a professional - just writing my truth. Please don't take this as medical advice.

                             “The views in this post are based on my personal    
                                experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   

                        “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                      By storm and silence, I survive.”

                              @goblinbloggeruk  -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk