The weird eccentric ramblings of a multiple sclerosis sufferer

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. some AI content

Good evening, good morning, good afternoon, wherever you are, hello fellow humanoids.

Well, today finds me on Zorin. Yes, I installed a Linux operating system called Zorin over the weekend. It is the full install. I paid the extra 47 bucks, I believe it was for the Pro version, but it was well worth every single penny I can tell you. The install was absolutely faultless. Everything went exceptionally well. I have tried over the past few months many Linux distros but the other day I tried the free version of Zorin and I was very impressed indeed. So everything is installed with Zorin and I have everything working and it is absolutely amazing. I am so impressed indeed. It's just a case now of moving a few files over and I'll be on there for good I think. Yes, it is a very good move hearing all these rumours about what's going to be happening in the future with Windows etc etc. Well, hopefully I'll be future proof. But let's face it, learning Linux is easier now than it was 20 or even 30 years ago. That's for sure. It's not such a terminal experience, ha ha. That was a terrible joke. So, if you're like me and and suffer with progressive multiple sclerosis with severe brain fog and all sorts of cognitive issues, give Zorin OS a try on Linux. It's got everything you need and there we go. That's what I recommend anyway.

Moving from being a Windows user since DOS over to Linux, I suppose this change has been quite a long time coming, but it is well worth it. I tried many other Linux distros, and I burnt them to a pen drive, so I can use them on a live boot pen drive. So I have many distros I can use and choose from depending on my mood, and I don't have to take a computer with me, I just take a pen drive, plug it in somebody's machine and off I go, it's that simple. An operating system on a pen drive, oh yes it's well worth it.

I have found that Linux has amazing forums and has amazing help forums for all versions of all the Linux programs and remember Sourceforge and remember the thousands of free programs for Linux that are out there and there are so many and they are amazing programs indeed And also all these distros are updated quite regularly as well. And there are many to choose from as well indeed you might ask. Give me some names of some distros so here below are some. thanks AI

Top 5 Mainstream Linux Distros

Ubuntu The most popular beginner-friendly distro. Massive community, tons of support, very stable. Great starting point.

Linux Mint Based on Ubuntu but more traditional Windows-style layout. Super comfortable and lightweight.

Debian Ultra-stable. Rock-solid. Not flashy, but a backbone of the Linux world.

Fedora Bleeding-edge but polished. Sponsored by Red Hat. Great for developers.

openSUSE Powerful and flexible. Known for strong system management tools.

Top 5 From Other Major Branches / Styles

Arch Linux Minimal, rolling release, DIY philosophy. You build it exactly how you want it. Not beginner-friendly — but powerful.

Manjaro Based on Arch but much easier. Great middle ground between power and usability.

Pop!_OS Built on Ubuntu by System76. Excellent for gaming and NVIDIA users.

Kali Linux Security and penetration testing focused. Not meant as a daily driver unless you like chaos.

Zorin OS Designed for Windows/macOS converts. Clean, polished, very accessible. obviously designed by “a young bloke with an old mind.”

A big thank you to the AI for both those lists as they are the most popular and I completely agree there. But that's just me and my own personal opinion. But I do recommend everybody get a pen drive at least a 20 gig + and stick a copy of the Linux on, use a program to burn it on and have a go. Nothing like it and you can have some fun and you can even screw up. You're not gonna ruin or break anything And just think you could have a great time on Linux doing all sorts of amazing things without having to pay loads and loads of money on programs that are completely free on this. operating system.

So I completely fried my brain, but I must say it was well worth it indeed. It seems that the information that I needed came from the deep recesses of my mind. I am finding since I have changed my diet that my brain fog seems to be less intense. My cognitive abilities seem to be getting a bit better. I have been reading for many years in all these magazines about gut health and how important it is to the whole body and to the immune system function and it seems to be really helping me !!.

again thanks to AI for this

1. Digestive Function

The gut is responsible for breaking down food and absorbing nutrients like vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Poor gut health can lead to malnutrition, even if you’re eating well.

A balanced gut microbiome helps prevent issues like bloating, constipation, diarrhea, and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).

2. Immune System Regulation

About 70% of your immune system lives in your gut. That’s your gut-associated lymphoid tissue (GALT).

Beneficial bacteria help train your immune system to distinguish between harmful invaders (like viruses and bacteria) and harmless substances (like food or your own cells).

A disrupted microbiome (dysbiosis) can contribute to autoimmune conditions, allergies, and increased susceptibility to infections.

3. Inflammation Control

Gut bacteria produce metabolites like short-chain fatty acids (SCFAs) that reduce inflammation throughout the body.

Chronic gut issues can lead to systemic inflammation, which is linked to diseases like arthritis, heart disease, and even neurodegenerative conditions.

4. Mental and Neurological Health

The gut communicates with the brain via the gut-brain axis, influencing mood, stress response, and cognitive function.

Imbalances in gut flora have been linked to anxiety, depression, and “brain fog.”

5. Metabolic Health

Your gut microbiome helps regulate blood sugar, fat storage, and weight.

Dysbiosis is associated with obesity, type 2 diabetes, and metabolic syndrome.

6. Protecting Against Pathogens

Good gut bacteria act as a barrier, outcompeting harmful microbes and producing antimicrobial compounds.

A strong microbiome reduces the risk of infections and gut-related illnesses.

Key Takeaways for Supporting Gut Health:

Eat fiber-rich foods, vegetables, fruits, and whole grains.

Include fermented foods like yogurt, kefir, kimchi, or sauerkraut.

Minimize ultra-processed foods, excess sugar, and antibiotics when not needed.

Manage stress, sleep well, and stay active—these all impact gut flora.

In short, a healthy gut is foundational—it affects everything from immunity to mood, energy, and chronic disease risk. Think of it as your body’s “control center” that needs nurturing.

Still sending everybody peace, healing, love and light no matter who or what you are.

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. non AI content

hello fellow Humanoids So, disclosure, are there such things as extraterrestrials, ultra-terrestrials, hybrid aliens from other planets from other dimensions? I have even heard of cryptoid inter-dimensional beings, no less. And to be honest with you, I was just wondering why they want to visit us on this planet, or plane, or whatever we like to call it. So yes, I have been watching some YouTube videos and I have been watching in disbelief at some of the things that I have seen and watched with my own eyes. Yes indeed, I believe that probably 75 to 80% of the videos are not what they claim to be either. I know it is a slightly contentious issue with people, but I believe that we are not alone on this earth plane. I myself have had many personal, paranormal and things happen to me that I cannot explain and that other people cannot explain to me either.

So, I am wondering if Alien Disclosure by the American Donald Trump is a big nothing burger like the three eye atlas that flew past recently because everybody was saying, "Ooh, we're going into the fifth dimension and things are going to change for us all." I was sat in my power chair waiting. I was waiting for all these changes and yet nothing happened. I think sometimes people grab for things that try to turn their lives into something more interesting, incorporating the fantasy of the paranormal. I myself have been looked on with the Vision over the past 50 years because of my beliefs and what I have seen. Even I have changed my beliefs as I have got older and wiser.

My theory is if they are intelligence, ultra or extraterrestrials or even races of people on this planet that we cannot see. Why would they want anything to do with us as we seem to be, well, not the most peaceful race of people in the universe?

I also find it funny that the alleged disclosure is going to be said by Donald Trump on the alleged anniversary date of the Roswell crash in New Mexico. So that should be very interesting indeed and I'm wondering if this is a dead cat on the table or is in fact the real deal.

I have heard many people say, "Oh, the aliens are going to invade us. They're going to eat us. They're going to kill us all and turn us all into slaves or automatons." Well, let me say one thing. Aliens allegedly have been visiting us since man crawled out of the alleged swamp. So, they could have knocked us off at any time. 15, 16, 1700s? Not a problem. So it just goes to prove my theory that they are friendly and that they don't want war with us. Because if they did, they could have done it hundreds if not thousands of years ago.

It’s rational to believe life likely exists elsewhere.

It’s irrational to claim verified contact without evidence.

Governments admitting “we don’t know what that was” is not the same as disclosure.

Humanity tends to mythologize uncertainty.

The most powerful question isn’t “Are they coming?” but “Why do we want them to?”

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. non AI content

hello fellow Humanoids

So we're nearly at the weekend and it's Friday morning and it's absolutely tipping down with rain here. The skies have opened up. It's very, very dark. I got some amazingly great news yesterday. Yes, my power chair is being delivered next Wednesday hopefully, and also a spare manual chair as well. So that is amazing awesome news indeed. Well worth waiting for. They were really helpful at the NHS wheelchair service where we are. I must say they really put themselves out and really helped me. I know it took quite a while but then again you see bureaucracy and what with one thing and another. But still we get there in the end, that's the main thing.

But the three-wheel trolley of death, well we own two of them, are still in the garage. And yes, we will be putting them in the back of D1, and we're going to attempt to ride both of them over a bridge. And this bridge is one of these big car bridges with pedestrian walkways. takes about 20 minutes to go over. So we're hoping that the wind will not be too bad and it will be a warmer day. Yes, I'm so looking forward to taking my power chair out as well. But I'm even looking forward to taking out my three-wheel trolley of death. Yes, I'm hoping that this autonomic dysfunction gets sorted out soon.

I am hoping personally now that people are in the know about what's going on, that things will move forward a little bit more faster, a little bit quicker, you know, not being left in a queue and forgotten about for 5 years. When the people realise that you've been lost in the system for a quite considerable time, they are very apologetic, they are very nice people. I don't blame the people, I just blame the system and I think their system needs to have some maybe updating and maybe people who know what they're doing running it. I am a great believer that AI will be a massive help to the general practice or general practitioner as putting your Issues to the AI. The AI can help sort things out and make sense of things before it gets to the doctor. I have used AI and it has helped me greatly and I'm an advocate for AI in general practice. As I feel, AI is a very good triage agent. As every time i have anything to do with the doctors nurses or any health care people i consult my a i first. And i get the relevant questions that i need to ask. And yes it does help me and i do have white coat syndrome and that has helped me immensely asking the right questions and no when i'm being gas lit so yes medical a i has helped multiple sclerosis suffer me 110%.

Yes, here goes the saga of Linux as well, as you have known for the past load of months. During my brain fogs and my general dysfunctions, I have been mucking around with Linux and various Linux distros. And I would say I've used over 10 different Linux distros. And the first one I used was Linux Mint. And since then, I have used others, but I have gone back to Linux Mint. In fact, I am now using Linux Mint instead of Windows, as I find it amazingly fast for what I need. And the software is all open source and free.

So yeah, I am really happy now I have changed. But then again, it's a new learning curve for me, which I am really enjoying. I'm enjoying the fact that it is stretching my brain till it hurts. I still remember using Susie Linux back in the 80s and that was mind blowing then when I used the distro from a DVD or CD as was then back in the day. So, now I find myself strangely Linux boyman or whatever you want to call me. I feel it is a better system and it will go on most laptops or even mobile phones now.

There is a version of Linux for the mobile phone. Yes, I really do think it is time people look seriously into Linux as Linux is just as good if not better than Windows 11 allegidly and more secure and people really give a damn about Linux. They really do care and there is lots of help out there. So yeah, give Linux a go even if it is just on a pen drive and you are doing the live version on the pen drive. Go for it because it is just so worth it.

So this week is ending on a better note than last week. Yes, my autonomic dysfunction has got slightly more stable and everything is starting to come together. I'm still in intense pain in the mornings in my bowels, but that's life I expect that. The tinnitus has, well, not really quieted down. It's been a real pain in the arse. And no matter who or what I play seems to drown it out, I've tried absolutely everything, and nothing seems to work at the moment. I think stress makes the tinnitus worse, but there we go. I do try to live a stress-free life the best I can.

As for the traped nerve in my shoulder neck, that seems now to be getting less and less . The pain was intense and I had four nights of no sleep whatsoever. But by the time I got round to get it seen to, I suppose I'd gone through such pain that The painkillers really never took any effect that I took. I sort of just tough my way through it with a lot of groaning and moaning and just lying on the bed and trying to take my mind off the pain. And I did a lot of thinking and I did a lot of existential thinking as well. and decided that I was going to put exactly what I think on here. And I was going to probably talk a lot about my past as well as past as they say does affect the future.

So the weekend is looming and what excitement it won't bring for me and albertine.... yes nothing much will be happening here well nothing much does happen we don't get many visitors here ... I often wonder if any of my brothers or sisters or any of my family would ever bother to dain or bother to get in contact with me, the black sheep of the family. I would always give them the warmest of welcomes, and I would never be a horrible nasty person toward them. But I suppose such is life, and they walk there path, and I walk mine.

I have been looking to try and find a paranormal group or a person who does research on things like orbs and ultra-terrestrials and time slips and things like that. But I have had no luck whatsoever. I have sent many emails to many groups and to many people with a lot of the things that have happened to me. And I have had no reply whatsoever and I begin to wonder why. So yes, I would like to speak to somebody who's been through paranormal experiences, maybe with things that are from another dimension, maybe a hybrid alien, maybe, you know, ghosts, anything like that, any sort of sensible discussion would be really welcomed. I didn't realize that I personally, my belief is that of gnosis. And yes, I was surprised as anything, but I was told that I have been living a Gnostic or Gnosis life and I didn't realize it and then I suddenly realized and it absolutely blew my mind. So I'm a Gnostic Wiccan, I believe is the title, what they call me now. But I also realise I have lots of liminal experiences. Some of them cannot be explained, but some of them can. And I always welcome discussion about what is going on with me, as I really do want to know the truth. If all of this what I'm going through and I've been experiencing for all these years is to do with my MS, then, fair enough, but I have enough evidence to prove that it's not. So, where do I go from here? Because the people I contact to try and discuss these things just don't want to know. What do I do? Where do I go? That's why I'm doing this blog because I'm trying to ask questions and trying to get answers, not from an artificial intelligence, but from real people.

At this moment in time my head seems to be in the 70s and 1980s, remembering all the music, remembering just how it used to be. The good old, bad old days of the 1900s. I must say for me personally, the 70s and the 80s were a real shitty time to grow up. Because when you have an illness that you don't realise you've got and it's progressing slowly and it causes you issues all the way up and through your teenage years, my God it takes a toll. All those times I remember sitting in a chair when I couldn't feel my whole left hand side and that my arms and the hands and feet had pins and needles and I had bad neuralgia. This was when I was eight, nine and ten years of age. The doctors just seemed to think it was growing pains, but I know different now.

The worst thing of all of this is that I was adopted in the 1950s and the people who adopted me were to say the least not fit to be parents, even though they were so-called pillars of society. To be honest I suffered mental and physical cruelty for the first 14 years of my life. But then again, that's another log post, I think.

So yeah, as if having progressive multiple sclerosis wasn't bad enough, I suffer with adoption issues. Well, not really. I suppose the trauma PTSD of my adoption has been worked out and gone through. But my God, my life was a living hell. And my multiple sclerosis now makes my life a living hell as well. But such is life. It is totally amazing how illness can change your life without you even realizing it. And to be honest with you, I knew there was something wrong with me from an early age. And I was only vindicated by my first MRI and lumbar puncture. Yes, they tried to gaslite me for quite a few years to what was wrong with me. And well, I had very badly Gillum Barry, according to them, which I believe was an MS attack full-blown because it had me in hospital for well over a week. They said they had found something strange in my lumber puncture, and they did not know what it, what of course they knew what it was. They just didn't want to tell me what was wrong with me, and then I suffered mental health and white coat syndrome for year upon year as they gaslit me and didn't tell me what was going on with me.

So, yeah, now I have changed. And I advocate for myself. And I don't listen to what the doctors say. I read medical books. I use medical AI. I ask people questions. I ask the raw, real truth. Yes, I know it hurts, but it has to be asked. And people have to know the truth about how MS will suffer and how it will make them suffer and what it will do to them. and try and find ways to help relieve all the symptoms of multiple sclerosis. And also try to inform people what harm multiple sclerosis can do to the brain and to the body, to the mental health, in fact, to the whole person.

People are really not getting what a destructive, destroying illness this truly is. It is pure fucking Armageddon. And I live And people like me... live this Armageddon every day. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, without any break, just getting worse. Yes, just getting worse, knowing that one day, that will be it, I will be no more. I will just be a body in a crematorium being burnt. And that's the plain sad truth of the matter. I know my destiny is, well, death, but I don't mind. I don't have a problem with that. I just don't want to suffer before. That's my points, you know? I want to have my dignity. I want to be me until my last breath. Yes, I don't want to be put in a home to just rot. I want to try and be me until then and I just hope that I can stay sane enough to be who I am. That's why I do this blog, that's why it's raw, and I am unapologetic about its rawness. Anyhow, that's it from me.

Wishing everyone out there. Peace, healing, love and light, no matter who or what you are.

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. non AI content

Hello fellow Humanoids So, it is a dark Tuesday evening and yes, the confusion continues with trying to get me to see a nuro dude It seems that the communications have gone awry and then some. But then again what did I expect where I am concerned? Apparently I have not been transferred to the new hospital and I am with the old hospital.

So I only found that out a couple of days ago. So now I am having to deal with the old hospital. So yes you can imagine how confusing everything has totally got with absolutely everything. So we have my doctor here dealing with one hospital and yes of course it's the wrong one.

So no wonder I've been stuck somewhere since November in this weird system of things. So I have been desperately in need of seeing a neurologist since the ambulance men came out in November. And that plainly hasn't happened even when I have been begging. I have been begging and asking to see a neuro and nothing happened because of the confusion of me asking to move to a new hospital with a stronger neuro team. So, I don't blame my local doctors, I just blame the bureaucratic nightmare that is the NHS with one hospital not speaking to another hospital because their communications don't connect or some weirdness like that. Ah well, never mind.

So, yes, my cognitive fog or brain fog is lessening at the moment, and my autonomic dysfunction is calming down slightly due to my strict dietary control. I also found out something really annoying today that the only clinic in the UK that deals with autonomic dysfunction is private and that I would have to pay. So yeah, that means I'm gonna have to suffer. Oh the fucking joys of it eh? You could not make this stuff up.

The trapped nerve or impacted nerve in my neck shoulder is starting to cause me less grief and I am managing to now sleep. Well, that until is the kitten start screeching because yes, they've come into season again. Oh, the joys. Albertine and I are awaiting the vet's phone call so we can take both the kittens in and have them spayed or seen to whatever they do to female kittens these days. We were having a right laugh remembering when we have had cats and dogs spaded or neutered before and they've had to wear those funny like space helmets. And they're going to look really stupid walking around with their little space helmets on wobbling around the room. And I'm going to video it and I'm going to put it up so everybody can have a right laugh. Also, of course, we're going to go and get them microchip at the same time.

So yes, I have been dealing with the medical people on their own terms as I have been using AI. And AI has had me really clued up on everything and what can and cannot be done. It's amazing how AI has helped me to come to certain conclusions and it really has helped me. So the one thing I do find helpful about AI is the medical side. It really does help, and I'm 110% down with that I can tell you because it's certainly helped me.

So yeah, I may bang on about AI sanitizing everything that I personally say changes my swearing changes what I say, what I mean, etc. To be more understanding for people. I don't like that. I prefer my own raw brain fog. I've got MS and this is how it looks people,, Because you're going to have to deal with it. Yes, I can change conversation. Mid conversation. I can change the subject of the conversation like it's going out of fashion. Sometimes trying to have a conversation with me about one subject. I can be going from one subject to another subject to another subject. And then there's my memory. Oh my God trying to have a conversation with me sometimes is like trying to have a conversation. with a drunk duck.

I suppose the thing that makes me laugh more than anything is when you get the people who see you in your power chair wheelchair and their sort of people that like to pat you on the head and go there there. And then they don't realize what they've unleashed they've unleashed Mr dark who is this. Completely no holds barred. eccentric, Tin foil hat wearing psycho with Progressive ms and autonomic dysfunctionated person who will let you have it both barrels and don't give a shit about it either. Because I have had that happen to me and I find it quite funny when people stare at me and look at me as though I am from another planet. I find it really funny. When you have lived on the outside of society like I have done for the past 40-50 years, you will understand Looking in can be a very funny and worthwhile experience. That's for sure.

So I get the odd one or two people who actually read my blog posts. I'm very surprised indeed but thank you for reading and sometimes I just wonder if what I'm saying makes any sense to anybody seriously. I have joined many MS forums over the years and many places where people with MS go to talk but they seem to just vanish !!and disappear like most of the MS groups in the UK. One minute there there, the next minute there gone.

So, if there's anybody who reads this blog that has any email addresses of MS groups anywhere in the UK or anywhere in the world for that matter, that I can publicly advertise on a separate ongoing blog post.., so if there's an MS group say in Brattaslava, that's just a name out of the air that wants to say, "Yep, there's an MS group there." Well, I'll stick it on up so people know about it. So people can go there, people can meet the people and people can see people because the most important thing, if you have MS, you should be talking to other people with MS. Yeah? Because the more people that get together and chat, the easier it is to deal with the affliction, the illness, the sickness, the madness that we have. Seriously, talking really does help.

Trust me indeed when I say to you, I know many, many people with many chronic illnesses. Many of my friends have passed recently, unfortunately. And what I say is, if you're out there and you want to have a bloody good rant, and you have no one to rant to, you can always rant to me. I don't really care. You can send me an email, ranting. You need to rant. I'm always here for people who've got MS who need help. Remember that, folks, because people with MS understand people with MS. Yeah? People who are starting out on the MS trail, and I know that sounds a horrible thing to say, they need to know the truth of how it can progress. Seriously, I'm prepared to tell the truth, the raw truth, that a lot of people won't talk about, you know?

So, if you have any serious questions that you would like answered privately, I will answer privately. But if you have any questions that you would like to be shared publicly on my blog and answered on my blog, just get in touch with me, drop me a line. All emails and everything will be treated in the strictest of confidence. Why should you suffer in silence? I know I suffered in silence for many years. Sometimes knowing the truth is being better than being gaslit. !!!!

As ever, sending anyone and everyone who reads these words, peace, healing, love and light, no matter whom or whatever you are, or wherever you're from.

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. non AI content

Well good morning fellow humanoids it's a mundane mid-morning the sun is slightly out and there's a bit of drizzle and I'm actually going out this morning which makes a change it seems the pain has started to calm down everything went really well on Friday it seemed all the people that needed to help me suddenly appeared and I was able to get myself sorted out completely with the doctors and also get another appointment with the physio as well I found it quite funny when the doctor asked me on the phone what was wrong with me and then I rattled off a list I thought that was quite funny and I felt sorry for the doctor but I'm now on the mend from this but as usual the multiple sclerosis has added to the big kicking that I am taking

I have had a lot of thought and a lot of time to think over the past few days about some of the things that have been happening to me over the past years seeing weird stuff whether it be liminal shapes or so-called uaps or UFOs or orbs and I have since very strange things like people that don't seem to be in our reality and I have also seen people's eyes change from perfectly normal into cat yes and then proceeded to run away from me I found that very strange but I have since and very strange things throughout a whole of my life a lot of things I have tried to make sense of to see whether it is my MS causing these things to happen or it is reality a real thing that is happening to me now most of the things that have happened I have proof of because other people have seen them and experienced some of the things but when it comes to telling groups or trying to find out what is going on what is going on with me it seems that nobody wants to know they think I'm some sort of nut but I am experiencing all these things and I am finding it ever more increasingly annoying that no one will listen to what I have to say and take me seriously

You see you can postulate and you can talk with AI about UFOs ultra terrestrials aliens uaps and all those sorts of things but when it finds out that you have multiple sclerosis and severe automotic dysfunction it puts it all down to that and says you're seeing things and that you're hearing things and that you need to yes you know it tries to sanitize everything and try to make me feel as though I'm going bonkers

But I don't really care about that because it's my lived raw reality and I want people to know what I'm going through even if it is my Ms causing this or there is something more on the other side of the veil causing this I would really like to know there's nothing like talking to somebody who has a lot of knowledge and who is prepared to listen and to have a proper conversation a deep proper conversation about things without fear of being laughed at two people or a group of people postulating about what could be or what has happened comparing it with other experiences of the like that just doesn't happen I Wish It Would but alas I don't think so groups and people who are supposed to specialize in these sorts things have never got back to me when I have emailed them and told them of my story because it is so wild and so many things that have happened to me over the past 66 years I could go into detail of all these things if I really really wanted to but what would be the point because nobody's going to take me seriously that's the conclusion that I have now come to even though we may have Disclosure from America people people still don't want to know so yeah I get people just don't want their paradigm to be shifted hey ho never mind I suppose getting that off my chest made me feel a little bit better

Well the kittens seem to be all over the place this morning they're not really kittens anymore they're turning into cats there are fine pair of mischievous felines who have to go into the vets to have their operations to stop the mask kitten explosion in the area which is only fair I suppose and get them both microchipped they bring me so much pleasure and so much happiness there's nothing like having a cat sat on your lap purring away

Still at least the warm weather will start coming soon and hopefully I shall start being able to go out as my new wheelchair will be arriving apparently by the end of this month that makes me very happy indeed so it means I'll no longer be housebound

Looking back the first two months of this year have been quite hellacious for me and I will be glad when things start settling down when my health starts to understand me lol hopefully soon I should be going to the new hospital to see the neurologist I suppose really it didn't help just before Christmas that I changed hospitals I suppose that is my bad because it's caused confusion everywhere

So I do worry about what I've put down because it will probably be make everybody else then kind of a bit weird or eccentric but that's life I'm afraid I've been experiencing weirdness for the whole 66 years of my life and I've been trying to find out what's been going on as well all those years to varying degrees of success from being called bonkers mad weird all sorts a tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist everything insulted the general stuff you have to put up with when you're into things that people find weird or scary to them

Because for most people it is not part of their reality is it and it's furthest thing they would be thinking of but now with Donald Trump making this so-called speech this week about uap's aliens etc just imagine when he says that they are real well that mean that all those weird things that I have seen over the years were real and I was actually vindicated with all the things that I have seen yes I know some of it could have been technology from the humanity that exists on this planet..

So I came to the conclusion many years ago that people have their own paradigm and they do not like going outside of it as a mostly feel uncomfortable but for the most part it fascinates me that there could be life somewhere else and I think it would be silly to think that we were the only sentient life on this blue marble as well as I believe there are people from other places dimensions or worlds living amongst us totally undetected and probably watching us and thinking my god what a cock up they have made of the world lol...

And then some again some of it could be from another place like another planet or dimension so let's hope that Donald tells it like it is and brings out all those amazing files because it will certainly make me feel better but it will change everybody's paradigm shift that's for sure for good this is the Year That Everything Changes worldwide that's the sure that's all the great psychics of pointed out

still that's it from me rambling on sending to everybody no matter who or what you are peace healing love and light

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. non AI content

well fellow humanoids So, as ever, the nhs have screwed up yet again. I asked months ago to be transferred from one hospital to another because the neurology department where I'm at at the moment is not the best and I wanted to go to the better neurology department. Well, I've been waiting for months for an appointment. I received two letters today and apparently they've never even heard of me at that neurology department and they said even if they had it was so long ago we've destroyed all his records.

So you can guess that I'm a bit pissed off with everything. With everything I've been going through over the past load of months. And I thought I was actually going to get somewhere. But again, I have been proven wrong. I have to suffer just because somebody can't do their job properly.

They must think that I love having autonomic dysfunction and progressive multiple sclerosis, and have a B bundle block heart issue and a weakened heart wall and everything else that's going on with me. Because as far as I'm concerned, I can't see anybody who really gives a fuck about me, apart from my own family.

They must think that I like being in pain 24/7, they must think that I like not being able to eat anything due to my condition. And then if I eat the wrong food, I end up critically ill sometimes. Really, they don't give a damn. And nobody even listens. You're patted on the head and placated.

So now I'm completely stressed out due to somebody who cannot do their job properly. I feel absolutely sick to the stomach of all the gaslighting and BS that I have had to put up over these past 40 odd 50 odd years. It's been un bloody, believable what I've had to go through and how badly I've been treated. It seems the louder you shout, the further back in the queue you go. It just seems like nobody gives a damn anymore.

So, it's Tuesday and I am completely stressed out. My neck is no better. It is absolutely unbelievable. I had no sleep at all last night and my autoionic dysfunction has been on the edge as well. So yeah, I could have done with some better news but there we go.

Sending peace, healing, love and light to whomever or whatever you are. Sentience is a thing of wonder.

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read...some AI medical content

Well, it's Monday afternoon and I am in quite considerable pain. I can't move my neck to my left or to my right and have been unable to do for a couple of days. Pain is absolutely unbelievably bad news. I'm still carrying on, but let's hope it goes soon. Apparently, I've got some ossyphates in my neck, that's bone growths that also complicate things with

the progressive MS and the autonomic dysfunction, yes, and a few other things wrong as well. But yeah, multiple sclerosis does not come on its own.

It can cause other things to happen to you. Indirectly due to the MS and what it does to your body via the nerves. Find enclosed a short brief statement from an AI about what it does.

AI Stuff Worst-case impacts of progressive Multiple Sclerosis (MS):

Permanent mobility loss – progressive weakness, spasticity, and balance failure can lead to needing a wheelchair full-time. Paralysis – partial or, in severe cases, near-complete loss of movement in legs or arms. Severe fatigue – crushing, daily exhaustion that doesn’t improve with rest. Chronic neuropathic pain – burning, stabbing, electric-shock sensations. Loss of bladder & bowel control – incontinence or retention requiring catheterization. Sexual dysfunction – reduced sensation, erectile dysfunction, loss of libido. Cognitive decline – slowed thinking, memory problems, poor concentration (“brain fog”). Depression & anxiety – very common; risk of suicidal thoughts is higher than in the general population. Personality or mood changes – emotional lability, irritability, apathy. Speech & swallowing problems – choking risk, need for modified diets or feeding support. Vision loss – optic nerve damage leading to blurred or permanent partial vision loss. Tremors & coordination loss – severe shaking that interferes with eating or writing. Muscle contractures – limbs becoming stiff and fixed due to prolonged immobility. Pressure sores – from long-term wheelchair or bed use. Recurrent infections – especially urinary tract infections and pneumonia. Breathing weakness – in advanced stages, respiratory muscles can be affected. Increased cardiovascular risk – reduced mobility contributes to higher risk of blood clots, deconditioning, and secondary heart strain. Shortened life expectancy (in severe cases) – usually due to complications rather than MS itself. MS doesn’t directly damage heart muscle the way a primary cardiac disease does. But it can disrupt autonomic nervous system pathways in the brainstem and spinal cord — the wiring that controls heart rate and rhythm. When those signals misfire, you can see: Heart rhythm abnormalities Conduction issues (like bundle branch block) Unstable heart rate (too fast, too slow, erratic) Blood pressure dysregulation Orthostatic intolerance (feeling faint on standing) On top of that: Reduced mobility → deconditioning of the cardiovascular system Chronic inflammation → increased long-term cardiovascular risk Severe fatigue → less activity → compounding strain on the heart So while doctors sometimes treat heart issues as “separate,” in progressive MS the nervous system disruption can absolutely be part of the cascade. And the frustrating bit? It’s often under-discussed.

thank you AI

You see it's not the multiple sclerosis that will kill you. It is often something else. But as the AI pointed out, it's not very well discussed. It's not a very big topic. So I intend to research and do some more on this topic because it might be very interesting to some people.

I don't think people realize just how our immune system screwed. People with MS and progressive MS have a completely screwed auto immune system. So, just a common cold to us is the worst thing that can happen. Imagine flu or something of that order. That is the worst thing that can happen to somebody with MS. Or a chest infection. That's not the best either. Or sickness and diarrhea. That's even worse. I mean, there's some of these things people don't realize. When you have an altered or a dysfunctional immune system, it causes havoc over all of the body. Yes, it does. It causes total havoc.

So you have to relearn how to live your life daily because of all the issues that you have. And to be honest, people probably wouldn't realize what you have to do just to overcome one or two simple issues in a day. The fatigue, the brain fog, and the sheer pain and the sheer pain in the head and the pain in the body. And that feeling in the head of, I just can't go on, I've just got to go and lie down. And then when you lay down, you're just as bad as when you were standing up. Yeah, that's fatigue, mental fatigue, stress, and all those things that other people kindly put in a cupboard. and politely do not talk about either, because it is an emotive subject between couples, I would imagine, and even parents and children and parents Who are unfortunate enough to be dealing with multiple sclerosis or any chronic illness.

So, I have been trying the Linux Mint over the past few days and it has been going quite well. I've only been managing bite size 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there. But I must say I'm learning one or two new things a day and I think that's just enough to be remembering. So on this blog post I decided to use AI Help with some of it, but not all of it, just the bits that are medical so I don't fuck up. Aha!

The weekend was quite fraught with the kittens who were in season and Missy the kitten has taken to jumping on the top of the door and looking around the room and mewing at us. So yeah, that's all good, isn't it? So she's done most doors in the house now and we've got scratch marks up and down doors. Oh well, that means Tom the painter man's going to have to come round and sort that out.

Still, I suppose it's the physiotherapist this week, but I may just put him off because I feel really bad, and I think that's what I'm going to do. Hopefully by the end of this next month, we should have the new garage door and side door fitted. We've been waiting for quite a time for this. And hopefully it will coincide with my new power chair, the quickie 300 that I'm getting. I've been waiting a few years, but it's definitely worth it. I'm going to be able to get out and about, and I'm able to go out and live my life and do those things that you just cannot do on the three-wheel trolley of death.

Talking of the three-wheel trolley of death, we have to head out in the week to go to the chemists. To go and see the AI machine of certain death, destruction and dementia. The chemists machine that distributes the prescriptions. Yes, it always seems to go funny when it sees me it will break down. Yes, it is a machine that hates me. But my three-wheeled machine of death, let's hope the battery is up to doing what it needs to do. As yes, how many more new batteries do we need this year? and the three-wheel trolley of death with the brakes that are non-existent and the balance of a drunk kipper on a night out with a jellyfish whilst drinking whiskey.

And changing the subject totally, we have seen quite a few white orbs in the living room. We have managed to record them on infrared cameras. And we are looking at the film and seeing what they could possibly be. As many years ago, I would say 30 or 40 years ago, I was handed some photographs by some very strange people claiming to be reporters from a local paper. And they handed me these photographs. And it was pictures of fields and they had these white orbs. And they were bigger than footballs. I would say two or three times the size of footballs. Now, funnily enough, I put these pictures through AI because I thought they were fake. And the AI said these photographs were genuine. But going back, this is probably the early 90s, late 80s when this paper came round. And anyway, I had contacted the paper and they'd never heard of these people before. So yeah, that was quite a mind fuck.

This is when all the great strangeness started And in real terms has never since gone away. Just because I reported something, 'bufora' and it caused a chain of events which, to be honest with you, has blown my mind for the past 42 plus years. But still, that's life, as they say.

Still fellow humanoids, I trust you had a great weekend. If you didn't, I can well understand. Anyhow, sending everybody out there, peace, healing, love and light, no matter who or what you are. Especially the sentient ones from all the weird dimensions and places out there. You are no doubt watching us. I'd like to say a big hello, make yourself known.

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read...some AI content

Hello fellow humanoids and I trust everyone out there is feeling slightly better than I am yes it's been another one of those weeks a lot has happened let's hope that you can understand what I'm writing haha as you know when I do these usually I end up having my cognitive dysfunction you know what that's like when you're staring at a piece of paper and you've lost all the words and you've lost all your train of thought and the head hurts haha

The autonomic dysfunction has started to calm down somewhat, i have modified my diet again to get rid of more histamines it's amazing that even food that doesn't have histamines that causes a reaction in the body that causes the body to make some sort of weird histamine thing below you will find the explanation from the AI as I find it very hard to find the proper words to describe all of it otherwise we would be in a fine pickle trying to understand what I've put down

Understanding Autonomic Dysfunction and Histamine Intolerance What is Autonomic Dysfunction?

Autonomic dysfunction refers to an imbalance in the autonomic nervous system (ANS), which regulates involuntary bodily functions such as heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, and respiratory rate. This can lead to symptoms like fainting, dizziness, fatigue, and more.

The Role of Histamines

Histamines are chemicals in the body involved in immune responses, regulating physiological functions, and neurotransmission. They can trigger allergic reactions and affect various bodily systems.

Histamine Intolerance Explained

Histamine intolerance occurs when there is an excess of histamine in the body or an inability to break down histamine properly. This can lead to a range of symptoms, including headaches, digestive issues, skin rashes, and respiratory problems.

Elimination of High-Histamine Foods: Certain foods are naturally high in histamines, such as aged cheeses, fermented products, and processed meats. Removing these can help lessen symptoms.

Low-Histamine Alternatives: Include fresh meats, certain fish, eggs, fresh vegetables, and gluten-free grains.

The Impact of Histamine-Releasing Foods: Some foods, even if they are low in histamines, can trigger the body to release its own histamines. Common culprits include tomatoes, strawberries, and chocolate.

The Benefits of Dietary Changes

Symptom Relief: Over time, reducing histamine intake can contribute to a noticeable decrease in symptoms associated with autonomic dysfunction. Increased Awareness: Modifying your diet allows you to become more aware of how your body reacts to different foods, fostering a more personalized approach to your health.

Conclusion

Your journey toward managing autonomic dysfunction through dietary changes is commendable. By focusing on low-histamine foods and being mindful of histamine triggers, you're taking proactive steps toward better health. Keep experimenting and paying attention to how your body reacts—this awareness is key to finding what works best for you. thank you AI

So my diet and change your food regimen has really started paying dividends again I have to be very careful and check everything I eat as my body is that sensitive even to the smells can start me off it is quite unbelievable it's taken me a very long time to get the drs to understand what I'm going through

So now I'm just waiting for an appointment with the neurologist so we'll see how that goes But on a more positive side i have been doing more and more, and I bit the bullet this week and I completely reformatted my machine that's my PC and now running Linux mint

It's taken me about four years to be truthful to fully install Linux as I was using it on a pen drive and testing it out for a while you know how that goes you can make all the mistakes and not make the system go stupid well it's in stalled on the PC now and it's amazing all the programs that are free with Linux in fact I would go as far as to say some of the programs are so much superior to those of Windows even though my brain fog is quite severe I'm able to Battle through and haven't screwed anything up yet which is amazing so yeah Linux is far more easier for me than Windows as Windows 11 is all AI and stupid haha personally I'm the Window 7 man but there we go

I have also been doing a lot of research to some of the things that I have been seeing I now have orbs on film that will have been seen regularly in our living room they are white balls of light in varying sizes floating around the room it's quite unbelievable and it's not just me that sees this so I know it's not an optical illusion or to do with my MS

So that now beggars the question these blue orbs that I see and white small orbs that I see around that are like little stars up to the size of a Sixpence they are still around and I see those a lot and I just wondered if all these orbs are connected if it's to do with some sort of spiritual thing or it's some sort of weirdness that comes from another dimension who knows lol

Because when I have asked people about what is going on with me they seem to want to placate me and Pat me on the head and say they're there it's all in your head and your imagining everything so yeah I'm going to start showing the film to the doctors and saying what is this then can you work out what I'm going through and how can I can see it there how come albertine can also see it and see them floating around so yeah whose mad then me I don't think so lol

also there was these weird other things that I've been seeing they have been called time slips or bleed overs or whatever and I did some research on this and guess what the same things have been seen that I seen in those areas in fact it seems to vindicate what I have seen so yes that is another thing that means what I saw on those occasions have been seen by other people over the past 60 plus years unbelievable but there we go and I am still doing more research But I may be lucky.

Sending everybody peace, healing, love and light to whomever and whatever you are out there.

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read...some AI content

hello fellow humanoids cognitive brain fog edition

So, Rusty One is still in the garage. No need to worry, they said. Everything's okay. It's just another vehicle got stuck on the LIFT, apparently. So, hopefully by tomorrow, Rusty One will be back with us.

I had a long conversation yesterday with the doctor as Well, and they gave me the results of the ECG test that was strapped to me for a week, some sort of device that really, really was quite okay, wasn't that intrusive. Anyway, the results came back and showed that my heart beat is slower, which also shows some other things and apparently they have now, the doctor has now come to the conclusion that I could be right and I have autonomic dysfunction and I have told her how harsh The symptoms are you will find them listed below.

Autonomic dysfunction can manifest in various ways, affecting multiple body systems. Here’s a bullet point list of common effects: thanks to duck AI for this list

• Cardiovascular Issues

  • Abnormal heart rate (tachycardia or bradycardia)
  • Blood pressure fluctuations (hypotension or hypertension)
  • Orthostatic hypotension (dizziness upon standing)

• Gastrointestinal Problems

  • Gastroparesis (delayed gastric emptying)
  • constipation or diarrhea
  • Nausea and vomiting

• Respiratory Effects

  • Difficulty in breathing or shortness of breath
  • Respiratory rate abnormalities

• Thermoregulatory Dysfunction

  • Inability to regulate body temperature
  • Excessive sweating or reduced sweating

• Urinary Issues

  • Urinary incontinence
  • Difficulty in bladder control

• Sexual Dysfunction

  • Erectile dysfunction in males
  • Reduced libido or arousal in females

• Neurological Symptoms

  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Fatigue and weakness
  • Sleep disturbances

• Emotional and Cognitive Effects

  • Mood swings or anxiety
  • Cognitive dysfunction (difficulty focusing or memory problems)

• Skin Changes

  • Color changes (pale or flushed skin)
  • Dry or excessively sweaty skin

These effects vary by individual and may depend on the underlying cause of autonomic dysfunction.

So you can guess with progressive MS that I am now really getting this sorted out will help. I've gone down the diet route, I still have it, and I suffer most of these side effects. Sickness, diarrhea, the whole lot, you know, it's just nobody seems to understand or care really. You can talk about how you feel and what's going on with you to a doctor. But if the doctor does not understand what you're going through and cannot comprehend and you cannot get the words to make them understand what you're going through, this is where the breakdown of everything occurs. Well that's my personal experience and opinion.

So what do you think I did? Well I put all my symptoms into an AI. and the AI pointed out that it could be Autonomic Dysfunction. And yes, I spent many hours going through all the symptoms and I started to do what the AI suggested and that was with my diet and as I changed my diet things started to reduce. So I've got my diet down now to the basic bare necessities. I've known for a long time it's been autonomic dysfunction, but trying to tell the people that need to know, well that's been a different matter and it has been a massive struggle over the past eight years. I do not blame anybody personally, I believe lack of communication is what has happened. So now I've had it confirmed by the doctor what it could be. They are getting in contact with the neuro.

Well of course I've changed hospitals and counties. So that's going to be fun. And hopefully I'm not going to have to start all over again. You know what it's like to begin to view when you roll in and you get prodded in, you get pushed and all that crap. Well I don't stand for that anymore. I say I'm here for that. You know how I am. You've got my records. You don't need to be prodding me. I'm fed up with it. And there you go. But I'll say it in a nice way.

When I roll in in my power chair, they will have a list of what is going on with me, typed, yes typed, on nice white paper in a crisp font so they can read, because what is the point? Trying to tell somebody something when you have severe brain fog and cognitive issues, because I'm sure with all the best will in the world, they're not going to understand. So remember this people, write down everything that you want to say to your neuro doctor or whomever. That is the best way to be, because then they can understand and then they can answer each query that you have on the list that you've given them. And the great thing is you feel so much better and your head feels so much better that you haven't had to explain everything, that it's just written down or typed down on paper so they can read and understand and then you don't have the stress and you feel so much better and so much more in control of the situation.

You see, I do use AI and I use it as a very helpful tool to help me speak to doctors and neuros now because it understands by talking to me what I'm trying to say and what I want to say to the doctor or the neuro. So it makes it in a language that they will understand. So then there is no lack of communication and there is no reason for them not misunderstanding. So that is one tool that I use in my arsenal now.

I don't use the AI when writing my blogs anymore because I found it sanitised it too much. And I thought, well, I'm going to do this raw and it's going to be all over the place, but hey ho, at least I'm trying and at least I'm having a go. So some of the information on here, I did get from AI and that was all the effects of the dysfunction. I am not against AI, in fact, I think AI is one of the greatest inventions or tools ever invented when used by the right people properly. It's all about the programming at the end of the day. And yes, it can help with all those everyday mundane tasks as well and no, I'm not sponsored by any AI company.

Still, that's it from me, wishing everybody out there a fantastic weekend ahead, sending everybody who reads this, "Peace, healing, love and light, whomever and whatever you are

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive disfuction this may be a confusing read non ai content

hello fellow humanoids Well after months and months of waiting I'm going to test my wheelchair out today yes a three hour round trip but it will be well worth it rusty one has to go in the garage on Wednesday for a new starter motor and a lot of welding to be done for the MOT this year it never ends pay pay lol it doesn't matter that you're on a pension and can't afford much haha but such as life I suppose the whole past load of days has been an absolute nightmare my autonomic dysfunction got set off on Friday and I have had the weekend from hell

It's dark outside and it's raining and it's very cold indeed my body is giving me hell I am trying to stretch my legs and arms to try and get them working properly just think no more hassles I'm going to have an actual proper power chair without any hassles of the three wheel trolley of death or the other trolley that went dead battery lol

The most important thing is I will be able to get new things done that I have not been able to i'll be able to go out be able to go and see stuff for a change instead of being stuck in the van it's been a long time since I've been anywhere must be two years now it seems that I've I still have to self-isolated myself even though I'm now retired what with all the colds and flu and all the lurgies and Bugs going around lol but to be fair I Self isolate every winter as I don't see any point in making myself worse than I already am

The autonomic dysfunction came into full Force over the weekend because I dared eat some ground sunflower seeds and of course that set off the histamine reaction and it was bad it really is quite nasty to be fair here's just a few of the things that happen when you go through this autonomic dysfunction stuff So yeah, it's been quite a mad few days. Indeed, the autonomic dysfunction is getting less, but I'm hoping today for very good news indeed.

I am slightly feeling weird and very weirded out as the doctor will be ringing me with the results of my ECG, the week long test that I had before Christmas. Yes, and I'm hoping that things work out on the phone as I have my views on Whats up with me, and I just hope that they can understand what I'm going through as I am going through something that no human should ever have to go through. It's the most horrible thing I've ever been through.

So today Rusty1 went to the garage, yes Rusty1 is having the starter motor fixed and the rest of the rust taken care of. So we'll be hearing later on today how that went. Yes indeed, I'm thinking very very big bill. When is it ever a small bill when a vehicle is concerned? That's what I have to ask myself. But then again it is essential to my well being as if we didn't have Rusty1 I wouldn't be going anywhere would I? Yes I would not as I am a virtual prisoner in my own home until I get my proper power chair.

Speaking of the power chair, yes on Monday, I did the three hour trip and I have tested the power chairs that they had there and I'm getting apparently a quick 300 and hopefully I should have that within a month or so. So that was really well worth the trip but I must say as soon as I got back I was so knackered it was unbelievable. I had to go straight to bed. The old brain fog was quite remarkably bad along with tinnitus and the pain in my eye it's like a hot needle going through my right eye is no fun. Still I'm glad I didn't have to drive. Thank you Albertine for that.

So I'm sat here now waiting for the doctor to phone. Yes, I've got white coat syndrome and I'm not looking forward to the phone call and my nerves are jangling like there is no tomorrow because well, I have that Feeling of Doom as usual, especially when it comes to the doctor. Yes, so this is a bit sort of all over the place, this one, and yeah, I hope that you don't have issues reading my stuff because it's all over the place because I never know where I am. That's why I used to stick it through the AI, but it used to sanitise it too much and I used to end up arguing with the AI and that's never good for my stress levels...

I am still seeing weird stuff as well and I have been trying to get professional help and I'm getting nowhere fast. These things I keep seeing. Yes, I have spoken to doctors, neurologists and all sorts of different people and I think I'm an eccentric nut. They seem to sort of say, 'Yes, yes, sort of pat me on the head' and I copted a look at one of my notes and it said, 'As long as it keeps him fucking happy.' 'I should bloody cocco, why would somebody say that?' A professional. 'They don't know me, they don't know who I am, they don't know what I am, yet I'm always fucking judged.' I hate being judged by people who don't know me, it's one of the biggest things. Because I'm in a power chair, I dress different, I look different, my attitude's different, I am a person inside, you know. These sort of people seem to forget some people do. And to me, I find that highly offensive.

now am I a pensioner, but I'm an eccentric pensioner with progressive multiple sclerosis, and severe Autonomic dysfunction, and yeah, I'm different. And I get treated like a moron. Oh, I know, let's talk to the chair. That's the wooden chair next to me, because we might get more sense out of it. Really? Honestly. It really does piss me off when people talk down to me. Or people think that I am stupid because I am in a wheelchair or because I am disabled. Do you know what? It really angers me when people ignore me and then speak straight to Albertine about me without asking me. I am sick of it. But when you say something you are then accused of being an angry or weird person. You just cannot win. It really is a minefield out there. So in the future I am just going to refuse to say anything and I am just going to Stick to the basic facts. Nothing else. That's it.

sending peace healing love and lite to everyone