The weird eccentric ramblings of a multiple sclerosis sufferer

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it

Coming Soon: The Tin Foil Hat Podcasts with Warlock Dark My Living Hell Gets Stranger!

Something strange is coming to My Living Hell. No, it's not another MS meltdown, although knowing my luck, that could be the next episode.

Welcome to The Tin Foil Hat Podcasts with Warlock Dark — a new paranormal podcast series exploring the strange, the unexplained, and the downright bloody bizarre.

We're talking alien abductions, extraterrestrials, interdimensional beings, the Men in Black, missing time, strange encounters, paranormal mysteries, and the weird things that seem to happen around Devon and Cornwall.

Have you ever wondered where two hours of your life disappeared to? Seen something you couldn't explain? Encountered people who looked as though they'd wandered straight out of 1945? Or found yourself questioning whether reality is actually what we've been told it is?

Well, pull up a chair. You're among friends here. Probably.

I'm Warlock Dark, and I'm inviting you to join me on a journey into the stranger corners of existence. We'll be exploring personal experiences, bizarre stories, unexplained encounters, and questions that don't always come with convenient answers.

Are we alone? What's really going on? And why does the universe sometimes behave like a dodgy second-hand car dealer?

I haven't got all the answers. I'm not going to pretend I have. This isn't about telling you what to believe. It's about exploring the strange, asking questions, sharing experiences, and having a bloody good look at the things that make us wonder what the hell is happening.

And naturally, we'll be doing it with a generous helping of dark English humour, sarcasm, and the occasional verbal kick up reality's backside.

Because if the universe really is as strange as it seems, you might as well have a laugh while you're trying to work the bastard out.

What can you expect?

• Alien encounters and alleged abductions.

• The Men in Black and mysterious figures.

• Missing time and unexplained experiences.

• Interdimensional beings and paranormal mysteries.

• Strange happenings around Cornwall and Devon.

• Personal experiences, open questions, and plenty of Warlock-style rambling.

No grand claims that I've solved the universe. No pretending to have all the answers. Just curiosity, strange stories, personal perspectives, and a healthy dose of scepticism mixed with a willingness to explore the unexplained.

👽🚨 COMING SOON TO MY LIVING HELL! 🚨👽

So get your tin foil hats ready, check the batteries in your torch, and keep an eye on anyone wearing a suspiciously old-fashioned black suit.

The Tin Foil Hat Podcasts with Warlock Dark are coming soon to My Living Hell.

Reality is questionable. The universe is taking the piss. And the Warlock wants a word.

Stay weird. Stay curious. And if anyone from the Men in Black turns up at your door, put the kettle on — but don't tell them where I live.

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

Welcome back to My Living Hell, where life apparently looked at the usual collection of disasters and thought, “That’s not nearly enough. Let’s add adoption, trafficking, three families, bullying, abuse, a wheelchair, and a complete lack of anyone bothering to listen.”

In Podcast Episode 5, I’m talking about adoption and being trafficked, and what it can mean to spend your life feeling like the cuckoo in the nest — the one who never quite fits, never quite belongs, and somehow gets blamed for being different.

Being adopted can be complicated enough without having to navigate the fallout across three families. Three families. You’d think that, statistically, somebody might have managed to listen. Apparently, that was asking for too much. Through no fault of my own, I found myself dealing with family issues, brothers and sisters across those different family circles, and the sort of emotional chaos that would make a soap opera look like a relaxing afternoon in the garden.

Then there was the bullying and abuse at home and at school. Different buildings, same bloody story. I spoke up, but nobody seemed interested in hearing what I was saying. Nothing was done. The adults who were supposed to notice, care, or intervene somehow managed to miss the bleeding obvious. It takes a special kind of talent to ignore a child who is struggling — and apparently, there was no shortage of that talent.

And because life has a truly twisted sense of humour, being different didn’t stop there. Disability and life in a wheelchair bring their own challenges, assumptions, and daily reminders that the world is often designed by people who have never had to think about access, dignity, or what it feels like to be treated as an inconvenience.

This episode is a rant about my own experiences: adoption, trafficking, family difficulties, bullying, abuse, and the exhausting business of not being listened to. It isn’t a neat little story with a pretty bow tied around the ending. Real life rarely offers that courtesy. Sometimes all you get is a pile of unanswered questions, a dark sense of humour, and the determination to tell your story anyway.

I’m not telling this because it makes for a cheerful fireside chat. I’m telling it because these things happened in my life, because silence can leave people carrying far too much alone, and because being different does not mean being broken.

So settle in for another raw, personal, unfiltered My Living Hell ramble. There’ll be dark English humour, sarcasm, uncomfortable truths, and probably a few moments where the only sensible response is to laugh grimly at the sheer bloody absurdity of it all.

Nobody listened then. I’m speaking now.

Different. Not broken. Still here. Still talking. And still not bloody house-trained for polite society.

Please remember: this episode discusses adoption, trafficking, bullying, and abuse. Some subjects may be distressing.

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it

Listen, mate. Come here and sit down for a minute. I've got something to tell you, and unfortunately, we've only got five minutes, because apparently even time has decided to take the piss.

First of all, stop worrying so bloody much.

I know you think you've got to understand everything, work everything out, and find your place in this mad, inexplicable world. You haven't. Half the people giving you advice haven't got a clue what they're doing themselves. They're just walking around with confident expressions, hoping nobody notices.

And don't spend your life trying to make everybody understand you. Some people won't. Some people can't. And some people simply aren't interested in anything that challenges the little world they've built around themselves.

Let them get on with it.

Never lose your curiosity. Keep asking questions. Keep looking at the stars. Keep wondering whether there's more to existence than what we're told. Never allow somebody else's certainty to destroy your sense of wonder.

But remember this, young man: you don't have to prove every mystery to appreciate it. Sometimes it's enough to explore, to question, and to admit that you don't know.

And for God's sake, keep your sense of humour. You'll need it. There'll be days when life throws things at you that you never expected, and sometimes the only sensible response will be to laugh. Not because everything is funny, but because you refuse to let every bastard thing that happens have the final word.

You'll discover that life doesn't always follow the road you imagined. Your body may make demands you never anticipated. You'll have to adapt, learn patience, and find new ways of doing things. There will be frustrations, and there will be things you'll wish were easier.

But listen carefully: you are more than what your body can or cannot do.

Never confuse needing help with being weak. Never confuse a difficult day with a failed life. And never believe that your worth depends on how much you can physically accomplish.

You'll still have a voice. You'll still have ideas. You'll still have things to say that might help somebody else feel a little less alone.

So use that voice.

Write your blog. Tell your stories. Talk about the things that matter to you. Let people see the real person behind the words. You don't have to be polished, perfect, or particularly respectable. God knows the world has enough respectable people talking absolute rubbish.

Be honest instead.

And love people, mate. Properly. Tell them when they matter to you. Don't assume there'll always be another opportunity to say what needs saying. Pride is an expensive bloody hobby, and regret is an even worse one.

You'll spend a lot of time wondering about where you came from, what it all means, and whether there's something greater connecting us all. Follow those questions if they bring you meaning, compassion, and wonder. But don't become so busy searching the heavens that you forget the extraordinary things happening right here on Earth.

The people you love. The animals that trust you. The laughter you share. The ordinary mornings when you're still here and still have something to look forward to.

Those things matter more than you realise.

And one last thing.

Don't spend your life trying to become somebody else. You're going to be a bit unusual. You'll have thoughts that other people don't share, interests that make them raise an eyebrow, and a mouth that occasionally gets you into trouble.

Well, that's hardly a surprise, is it?

Be yourself. Question authority when it deserves questioning. Stand up for people who are struggling. Keep your heart open, even when the world gives you reasons to close it.

And remember that being different doesn't mean you're better than anyone else. It means you've got your own way of experiencing this strange adventure we've been given.

You don't need a crown to behave with dignity. You don't need a title to stand up for something worthwhile. And you don't need everybody's approval to live according to your principles.

So, young man, here's what I want you to remember.

Life isn't about avoiding every storm. It's about discovering who you are while you're finding your way through it.

You're going to make mistakes. You'll change your mind. You'll laugh at things you once took seriously, and take seriously things you once laughed at.

That's called living.

And when you get to my age, don't look back and judge yourself too harshly. You were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time.

Now go on.

Get out there. Be curious. Be kind. Make a bit of mischief.

And for heaven's sake, don't take yourself too seriously.

The world's already got enough people doing that.

Oh, and one final thing, mate.

Keep being you. You're going to need yourself.

That doesn't mean every day has been easy, or that every experience has a neat explanation. It means you've found ways to keep expressing yourself.

And if your younger self asked you one final question — "Are we going to be all right?" I reckon I'd give him that cheeky Warlock Dark grin and say:

"Well, I can't promise you a smooth ride, sunshine. But we've got some stories to tell, some mysteries to investigate, a few people to make laugh, and an awful lot of living left to do. So buckle up. It's going to be a bloody peculiar journey."

And then we would probably both laugh.

I suspect my younger self might imagine that the older me would have all the answers. But the real gift Id give him wouldn't be answers. It would be permission.

Permission to be different. Permission to keep wondering. Permission to struggle without considering himself defeated. Permission to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

And perhaps most importantly, permission to understand that his life could still have meaning even when it didn't go according to plan.

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it

Well, here we go again! Podcast Episode 4 of My Living Hell is here, and this one wanders about a bit more than a lost shopping trolley in a gale.

Today, I'm talking about my chest infection and the severe paroxysmal issues that have come along for the ride, a little about advocacy, a ramble about water, and a few days away. It's all very much life as it happens: raw, unscripted, unedited, and completely genuine.

I'm feeling absolutely bloody awful, but apparently the universe hasn't finished testing my sense of humour yet. Living with progressive Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is challenging enough without your body deciding to launch another spectacular malfunction.

But here's the thing: even when I'm feeling like a worn-out old warlock who's been dragged through several hedges backwards, I'm still trying to stay positive.

This isn't a polished production or an AI-generated life story. It's me, talking about my own experiences, as honestly as I can. Sometimes life is serious, sometimes it's ridiculous, and sometimes it's both at the same bloody time.

Welcome to Episode 4 of My Living Hell — where the brain fog is real, the rambling is genuine, the humour is dark, and life with MS certainly doesn't come with an instruction manual.

🎙️ MY LIVING HELL — PODCAST EPISODE 4 IS HERE! 😈 ☠ Please take note of the trigger warning before listening. ☠

)

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it

When Your Nervous System Decides to Have a Full-On Meltdown

Well, it appears my body has decided that having progressive MS wasn't quite entertaining enough.

So, naturally, it has thrown a chest infection into the mix.

Because apparently my nervous system needed a little extra encouragement to completely lose the plot.

I've been having what my doctor has described as paroxysmal symptoms. For those who don't speak fluent medical terminology, paroxysmal basically means symptoms that can suddenly appear in episodes or bursts.

And bloody hell, do they know how to make an entrance.

One minute I'm doing whatever it is I'm trying to do, and the next my nervous system seems to announce:

"RIGHT, EVERYBODY! EMERGENCY MEETING! WE'RE GOING TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP!"

And off we go.

Spasms. Strange sensations. Weird feelings in my head. Sudden neurological problems. Sweating. General bodily confusion.

Sometimes it feels as though my nervous system has been handed the controls by a drunk electrician.

Then along comes the chest infection

As if progressive MS wasn't enough to deal with, I've now got a chest infection as well.

I've already been seen by my doctor, so I'm not sitting here pretending I know more than the medical professionals. But one thing I've learned over the years is that when you're living with MS, an infection can make everything feel considerably worse.

Your body is already fighting something, and then your nervous system decides it would quite like to join the party.

Except it doesn't bring beer.

It brings neurological chaos.

Symptoms that are normally manageable can suddenly become much more noticeable. Things can feel amplified. The fatigue can be ridiculous. Your body feels like it's working against itself.

And when you've already got paroxysmal symptoms occurring, adding an infection into the equation can feel like somebody has poured petrol onto a bonfire.

The great neurological meltdown

So here I am.

Progressive MS.

Chest infection.

Paroxysmal symptoms.

Heart-related symptoms that have already been checked by my doctor.

Sweating.

A weird bloody head.

And various other bits of my nervous system apparently auditioning for their own independent television series.

At this point, I've stopped asking:

"What's next?"

Because clearly my body takes that as a challenge.

The strange thing about MS is that it's not always something dramatic that you can see from the outside.

Someone can look at you and think:

"He looks alright."

Meanwhile, inside your nervous system, World War III is taking place.

That's one of the things I wish more people understood about neurological illness.

You can't necessarily see the battle.

You just experience it.

So what now?

For the moment, I'm following my doctor's advice and trying to let my body deal with the infection.

I'm also trying not to panic every time my nervous system decides to throw another curveball.

That's easier said than done.

When you've lived with MS for long enough, you become very aware of every strange sensation your body produces.

Is it MS?

Is it the infection?

Is it a paroxysmal episode?

Is it fatigue?

Is my nervous system having another spectacular hissy fit?

Or is my body simply reminding me that I am not actually in charge here?

Sometimes there doesn't seem to be a bloody instruction manual.

Living with the unpredictable

That's probably one of the hardest things about progressive MS.

It's not just the symptoms themselves.

It's the unpredictability.

You can wake up and have no idea what sort of day your body has planned for you.

And sometimes the answer appears to be:

"Today we're going to try absolutely everything."

So yes, I'm currently experiencing what I can only describe as a massive neurological meltdown.

But I'm still here.

Still writing.

Still taking the piss out of the situation wherever possible.

Because if MS is going to keep throwing shit at me, I might as well throw some dark humour back.

Welcome to My Living Hell.

Where apparently even my nervous system has developed a sense of humour.

And unfortunately, it's bloody terrible.

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it

🎙️ MY LIVING HELL — PODCAST EPISODE 3 IS HERE! 😈

This one goes down some very strange roads...

I talk about adoption, how people react when you tell them you have MS, trauma, being mentally tortured and beaten, being trafficked, and some of the very strange things I've experienced — blue and white orbs, liminal spaces and objects, voices, my past experiences as a psychic, a shadowy female figure that appeared to have a huge black panther with her, and the weird cats I've seen around the house.

And yes... I ramble.

Because apparently that's what happens when I enter the wonderful world of brain fog. 😂

It's raw. It's personal. It's sometimes dark. It's sometimes bloody strange.

But it's my experience and my story.

☠ Please take note of the trigger warning before listening. ☠

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

Well… Podcast Episode 2 of My Living Hell is now done.

This episode takes a rather interesting journey through some of the realities of living with disability — from mobility scooters and wheelchairs to batteries, severe brain fog, and the joys of having to deal with a body that seems to have developed a mind of its own.

I talk about mobility scooters, wheelchairs and mobility batteries, including some of the practical realities that come with relying on mobility equipment. Because apparently, getting from A to B wasn't complicated enough already!

And then there is the subject of piercings — including the rather unusual experience of having to have my nipples pierced. Yes… you read that correctly. There is a story behind that one This podcast isn't polished, scripted or pretending that disability is all inspirational quotes and happy endings. It's raw, personal and real

So grab yourself a coffee, tea, beer… or whatever gets you through the day, and have a listen to My Living Hell Podcast – Episode 2.

And if my brain fog sounds particularly bad during this episode, that's because it bloody well was. 😂

☠ Please take note of the trigger warning before listening. ☠

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to help solve this issue so you can understand it

What If Multiple Sclerosis Could Speak?

Giving the Monster a Voice

What If Multiple Sclerosis Could Speak?

Most people think Multiple Sclerosis is a disease.

They're right.

But sometimes it feels like something far more personal.

Sometimes it feels like a shadow that quietly follows you through life, waiting for the perfect moment to take something away.

Not everything.

Just enough.

A little balance.

A little vision.

A little memory.

A little confidence.

Tomorrow it might be your strength.

Next week your coordination.

Next month your words.

MS rarely storms through the front door.

It moves in quietly, rearranges the furniture of your brain, and waits to see how long it takes before you notice that nothing works quite the way it used to.

The cruel part isn't always the pain.

It's the uncertainty.

You never know what the next morning will bring.

Some days you wake up almost feeling like your old self.

Other days your body simply shrugs and says,

"Not today."

The Invisible Thief

Living with MS often feels like sharing your body with an unwelcome guest.

One that never contributes anything useful.

One that constantly breaks things, then pretends it wasn't there.

It steals memories.

It steals energy.

It steals confidence.

Then it hides behind the words...

"But you look fine."

Invisible illnesses create an impossible contradiction.

People judge what they can see.

MS does most of its damage where nobody can.

That can leave people feeling isolated, frustrated, and misunderstood, even by those who genuinely care.

So I Asked Myself...

What if MS had a voice?

Not the medical language of MRI scans, lesions, immune cells and disease-modifying therapies.

An actual voice.

What would it say?

Would it boast?

Would it laugh?

Would it whisper?

Would it manipulate?

The more I thought about it, the more I realised something unsettling.

MS behaves almost like a psychological villain.

It doesn't usually attack all at once.

It chips away.

Slowly.

Patiently.

Methodically.

That idea became the inspiration for a song written entirely from the perspective of Multiple Sclerosis itself.

Not to glorify the disease.

But to expose it.

To drag it into the light.

To make the invisible visible.

Why Music?

Music can express emotions that ordinary conversation struggles to reach.

A neurologist can explain demyelination.

An MRI can show lesions.

A blood test can rule out other conditions.

But none of those things explain what it feels like to lose trust in your own body.

A song can.

Music allows fear, anger, grief, sarcasm, resilience and hope to exist in the same four minutes.

That's something medicine isn't designed to do.

Turning the Monster into a Character

When we give fear a face, we also give ourselves the opportunity to answer back.

Instead of MS being an unnamed force hidden inside the nervous system, it becomes a character.

A villain.

Something that can be challenged.

Mocked.

Refused.

That's exactly what happens in the final verse of the song.

The disease believes it has won.

Then the person living with MS starts laughing.

Starts writing.

Starts creating.

The monster expected silence.

Instead...

It became the subject of the story.

Why I Write

People sometimes ask why so much of this blog mixes dark humour with difficult subjects.

Because laughter and honesty are not opposites.

Sometimes they're survival tools.

Sometimes making the monster ridiculous is the first step towards making it smaller.

If a song, a story, or even a sarcastic joke helps someone living with MS feel understood for five minutes, then it has already achieved something worthwhile.

The disease may scar the brain.

It doesn't get to write the ending.

Final Thoughts

Multiple Sclerosis changes lives.

It changes careers.

Relationships.

Plans.

Dreams.

But it doesn't automatically take away identity.

We are still the authors of our own stories.

Sometimes those stories are tragic.

Sometimes they're funny.

Sometimes they're angry.

Sometimes they're all four before lunchtime.

And perhaps that's why imagining MS with a voice matters.

Because once the monster starts talking...

We finally get the chance to answer.

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it

Welcome to the first My Living Hell podcast episode 1.

The first My Living Hell podcast is finally here! I ramble about Multiple Sclerosis, life, personal experiences and whatever else wanders into the conversation. Raw, honest, occasionally dark and definitely not polished into oblivion.

☠ Please take note of the trigger warning before listening. ☠

🎗️ This Blog is a space for honest conversations about my personal experiences with MS, mental health, and the weird paranormal, liminal, and everything in between. I’m not a doctor, therapist, or expert in the unexplained; I’m just someone sharing my story and offering solidarity. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. And if the weird stuff sparks your curiosity, remember: stay open-minded, but always prioritise your well-being.🎗️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it

Well it's Tuesday morning and we are heading towards autumn that time of the year of cold rain, fog, cold rain, fog and horrible weather. And I'm wishing all readers of this blog a very happy good morning afternoon evening no matter wherever you may be in the world or universe.

My Living Hell podcast lives

Well, the My Living Hell podcast lives. I've done all the tests, everything looks good, so we will be doing podcasts shortly. So that's excellent news, and I will be covering a wide range of subjects, not just multiple sclerosis and mental health, but also things to do with the paranormal and things people don't tell you about when you have MS, which is rather interesting.

Myelin Maniacs

Myelin Maniacs, well today, Tuesday, it will be the first recording. Yes, I have it on Great Authority from Stigsy that tonight we go and do some recordings for the podcast to be released when Stigsy has Done what he has to do to it. So in the next few weeks be looking on the Myelin Maniacs website and you might see the first podcasts. Yes, they will be coming soon and I shall let you know on the My Living Hell when these podcasts will be. It is going to be quite exciting and I'm looking forward to it and I'm going to be a co-host and I really am looking forward to putting my point of view, my personal point of view over and listening to other points of view and gaining understanding from other people about this strange illness that we seem to have that nobody really knows how we got it, nobody really knows how you cure it but it's there and we have to make the best of things.

So, here is a poem for Autumn or the Vernal Equinox.

Equinox, MS & the Fog

Tomorrow the seasons change. Autumn arrives with its usual dramatic entrance cold mornings, darker evenings, leaves falling everywhere as though the trees have finally had enough of life too. And then there's me. Still here. Still dealing with MS. Still trying to remember why the hell I walked into the kitchen. Brain fog. That wonderful little gift from MS where your brain apparently decides to close the office early without telling management. You know that feeling… You know you've got something to say, you know you knew what it was, you can almost reach it… And then nothing. Gone. Probably somewhere with my missing socks. The equinox is supposed to be about balance. Day and night standing equal. Funny thing is, MS doesn't seem particularly interested in balance. One day you're functioning, the next your body appears to have filed a formal complaint against you. Fatigue. Pain. Brain fog. The ridiculous uncertainty of not knowing what tomorrow is going to throw at you. And yet… the seasons keep changing. Summer quietly disappears. Autumn takes over. Winter waits around the corner like some bastard who knows you're coming. But perhaps there's something worth remembering in all this. The trees don't apologise for losing their leaves. They don't call themselves failures. They don't stare at the branches and wonder why they're not still green. They simply let go. And perhaps that's something those of us living with MS need to remember. Some days we'll have more to give. Some days we won't. Some days the brain fog will roll in so thick you couldn't find your arse with both hands and a map. And that's okay. Tomorrow night, the darkness will be a little longer. But darkness isn't the end of the story. It's just another part of it. So here's to the equinox. To autumn. To surviving another season with MS breathing down our necks. To the days when the brain works… and the days when it clearly has gone down the pub without telling us. And most importantly here's to still being here. Still fighting. Still laughing when we can. Still swearing when necessary. Still telling MS: “You're not getting the last word.” Not today. Not tomorrow. And certainly not while I've still got enough brain fog to write the bloody story.

Still, sending everybody peace, healing, love and light. and wishing everybody a happy autumn equinox when it arrives tomorrow. And let's hope that the weather will be fair and not foul. Oh, and a sudden thought, I'm going to be uploading a lot of music and it's all about MS and the effects, but it's done in sort of psychedelic weird lyrics and stuff. It's, well, come out of my head and gone into a music programme. So I will be posting some more up and that might be quite interesting.