progressive MS

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. no AI written content

So yet again, fellow humanoids, I am still researching the phenomena in multiple sclerosis that may cause a person to see liminal shapes and many other forms of weirdness. Yes, liminal shapes. I have asked many people, but I have been getting very different answers to what these could be, and I'm still actively trying to find out if there is anybody out there who is also suffering with seeing these things, these spheres and these weird geometrical shapes, large cubes with like loads of little, well, thousands of little black square cubes in the massive big cube. It's really weird. Then there is the big orb. It must be about two feet high. And sometimes it is completely translucent with black bands going through it from the top to the bottom. And I've also seen it with complete white with black bands going through. And this is, I would say, maybe two feet in size in height.

So i would really appreciate anyone else who has any other chronic illness or doesn't. Who sees the sort of things to get in touch with me so you know we can try and see what is actually going on because i've asked many researchers and people. I get many varying different answers. I actually asked the ai and it was not worth asking to be honest with you as all the answers it gave. Well the standard ones it would not have its guardrails so that was a great pity. I find that when I use AI, I tend to run into a lot of guardrails. And personally speaking, the AI sanitizes things so much. It just really isn't worth reading. It's quite crazy. The AI treating you like a child and a naughty child at. THAT!

I have had so many weird experiences over the years that I believe researchers of the paranormal phenomena have issue crossing subjects and subject matters as where I think most of everything is actually linked. I believe the UFO/UAP phenomena and alien extraterrestrial phenomena, and spiritual phenomena, ultra terestrial phenomena etc. all are connected in some way. I suppose it's just a question of joining all the dots and trying to make sense of it, but sometimes you need people as sounding boards who also have had similar or the same experiences. Here we can correlate and come up with some sort of hypothesis on what has been happening.

Yes, and this is where this blog goes into extreme weirdness, because along with my progressive multiple sclerosis, I seem to have other issues as well. I seem to be able to hear dead people. I seem to have precognition and suffer with premonitions. Same thing, really. Yes, I wonder what is really going on, and I've had many liminal experiences as well as ghostly experiences over my years. I have experienced astral projection. I have done automatic viewing. I have done many of those things. Yes, I've even delved deep into witchcraft and black magic and many of the dark arts.

But I have come up with the same conclusion every time. And it appears that I am very Gnostic in my views. This, I did not know until it was pointed out to me many, many months ago. So we learn something new every day. So, I am rapidly reaching this conclusion that I should research people's cases myself to see what people have in common. So, if you've experienced anything on the weird or the strange, get in contact with me in complete confidence. And we will try and discover what is really going on out there in the weird, wide world.

As I think it's a great thing for people to start talking about these things, and then we can rule out that we're not going round the bend or going mad. As me, I really want to find out what is going on with me, whether it is my chronic illness, multiple sclerosis, or I'm having other worldly things happening. I would like to know. Is that really too much to ask, I wonder? But there we go. Everybody'll put it down to me being strange or weird. Oh, he's got some sort of weirdness because he's got progressive MS, he's in a wheelchair. Well, I wasn't always in a wheelchair, I didn't always have progressive MS. And well, there we go, and I've pretty much had these views most of my life. So, weird and eccentric, I'm proud of being. So if there's anyone out there who wants to be weird and eccentric with me, then that's all good.

So whether you're in a wheelchair got a progressive illness or not, or there's nothing wrong with you whatsoever, and you've just happened on this blog just by accident, and you just happen to read this. Well, if you're going through any weirdness, please tell us, because I'm sure we'd really, really like to know, because the more people that speak about these weird extreme things that we go through, the better. Still that's it from me.

Sending everybody peace, healing, love, and light, no matter whom or whatever you may be.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. some AI content

Good evening, good morning, good afternoon, wherever you are, hello fellow humanoids.

Well, today finds me on Zorin. Yes, I installed a Linux operating system called Zorin over the weekend. It is the full install. I paid the extra 47 bucks, I believe it was for the Pro version, but it was well worth every single penny I can tell you. The install was absolutely faultless. Everything went exceptionally well. I have tried over the past few months many Linux distros but the other day I tried the free version of Zorin and I was very impressed indeed. So everything is installed with Zorin and I have everything working and it is absolutely amazing. I am so impressed indeed. It's just a case now of moving a few files over and I'll be on there for good I think. Yes, it is a very good move hearing all these rumours about what's going to be happening in the future with Windows etc etc. Well, hopefully I'll be future proof. But let's face it, learning Linux is easier now than it was 20 or even 30 years ago. That's for sure. It's not such a terminal experience, ha ha. That was a terrible joke. So, if you're like me and and suffer with progressive multiple sclerosis with severe brain fog and all sorts of cognitive issues, give Zorin OS a try on Linux. It's got everything you need and there we go. That's what I recommend anyway.

Moving from being a Windows user since DOS over to Linux, I suppose this change has been quite a long time coming, but it is well worth it. I tried many other Linux distros, and I burnt them to a pen drive, so I can use them on a live boot pen drive. So I have many distros I can use and choose from depending on my mood, and I don't have to take a computer with me, I just take a pen drive, plug it in somebody's machine and off I go, it's that simple. An operating system on a pen drive, oh yes it's well worth it.

I have found that Linux has amazing forums and has amazing help forums for all versions of all the Linux programs and remember Sourceforge and remember the thousands of free programs for Linux that are out there and there are so many and they are amazing programs indeed And also all these distros are updated quite regularly as well. And there are many to choose from as well indeed you might ask. Give me some names of some distros so here below are some. thanks AI

Top 5 Mainstream Linux Distros

Ubuntu The most popular beginner-friendly distro. Massive community, tons of support, very stable. Great starting point.

Linux Mint Based on Ubuntu but more traditional Windows-style layout. Super comfortable and lightweight.

Debian Ultra-stable. Rock-solid. Not flashy, but a backbone of the Linux world.

Fedora Bleeding-edge but polished. Sponsored by Red Hat. Great for developers.

openSUSE Powerful and flexible. Known for strong system management tools.

Top 5 From Other Major Branches / Styles

Arch Linux Minimal, rolling release, DIY philosophy. You build it exactly how you want it. Not beginner-friendly — but powerful.

Manjaro Based on Arch but much easier. Great middle ground between power and usability.

Pop!_OS Built on Ubuntu by System76. Excellent for gaming and NVIDIA users.

Kali Linux Security and penetration testing focused. Not meant as a daily driver unless you like chaos.

Zorin OS Designed for Windows/macOS converts. Clean, polished, very accessible. obviously designed by “a young bloke with an old mind.”

A big thank you to the AI for both those lists as they are the most popular and I completely agree there. But that's just me and my own personal opinion. But I do recommend everybody get a pen drive at least a 20 gig + and stick a copy of the Linux on, use a program to burn it on and have a go. Nothing like it and you can have some fun and you can even screw up. You're not gonna ruin or break anything And just think you could have a great time on Linux doing all sorts of amazing things without having to pay loads and loads of money on programs that are completely free on this. operating system.

So I completely fried my brain, but I must say it was well worth it indeed. It seems that the information that I needed came from the deep recesses of my mind. I am finding since I have changed my diet that my brain fog seems to be less intense. My cognitive abilities seem to be getting a bit better. I have been reading for many years in all these magazines about gut health and how important it is to the whole body and to the immune system function and it seems to be really helping me !!.

again thanks to AI for this

1. Digestive Function

The gut is responsible for breaking down food and absorbing nutrients like vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Poor gut health can lead to malnutrition, even if you’re eating well.

A balanced gut microbiome helps prevent issues like bloating, constipation, diarrhea, and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).

2. Immune System Regulation

About 70% of your immune system lives in your gut. That’s your gut-associated lymphoid tissue (GALT).

Beneficial bacteria help train your immune system to distinguish between harmful invaders (like viruses and bacteria) and harmless substances (like food or your own cells).

A disrupted microbiome (dysbiosis) can contribute to autoimmune conditions, allergies, and increased susceptibility to infections.

3. Inflammation Control

Gut bacteria produce metabolites like short-chain fatty acids (SCFAs) that reduce inflammation throughout the body.

Chronic gut issues can lead to systemic inflammation, which is linked to diseases like arthritis, heart disease, and even neurodegenerative conditions.

4. Mental and Neurological Health

The gut communicates with the brain via the gut-brain axis, influencing mood, stress response, and cognitive function.

Imbalances in gut flora have been linked to anxiety, depression, and “brain fog.”

5. Metabolic Health

Your gut microbiome helps regulate blood sugar, fat storage, and weight.

Dysbiosis is associated with obesity, type 2 diabetes, and metabolic syndrome.

6. Protecting Against Pathogens

Good gut bacteria act as a barrier, outcompeting harmful microbes and producing antimicrobial compounds.

A strong microbiome reduces the risk of infections and gut-related illnesses.

Key Takeaways for Supporting Gut Health:

Eat fiber-rich foods, vegetables, fruits, and whole grains.

Include fermented foods like yogurt, kefir, kimchi, or sauerkraut.

Minimize ultra-processed foods, excess sugar, and antibiotics when not needed.

Manage stress, sleep well, and stay active—these all impact gut flora.

In short, a healthy gut is foundational—it affects everything from immunity to mood, energy, and chronic disease risk. Think of it as your body’s “control center” that needs nurturing.

Still sending everybody peace, healing, love and light no matter who or what you are.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. non AI content

hello fellow Humanoids

So we're nearly at the weekend and it's Friday morning and it's absolutely tipping down with rain here. The skies have opened up. It's very, very dark. I got some amazingly great news yesterday. Yes, my power chair is being delivered next Wednesday hopefully, and also a spare manual chair as well. So that is amazing awesome news indeed. Well worth waiting for. They were really helpful at the NHS wheelchair service where we are. I must say they really put themselves out and really helped me. I know it took quite a while but then again you see bureaucracy and what with one thing and another. But still we get there in the end, that's the main thing.

But the three-wheel trolley of death, well we own two of them, are still in the garage. And yes, we will be putting them in the back of D1, and we're going to attempt to ride both of them over a bridge. And this bridge is one of these big car bridges with pedestrian walkways. takes about 20 minutes to go over. So we're hoping that the wind will not be too bad and it will be a warmer day. Yes, I'm so looking forward to taking my power chair out as well. But I'm even looking forward to taking out my three-wheel trolley of death. Yes, I'm hoping that this autonomic dysfunction gets sorted out soon.

I am hoping personally now that people are in the know about what's going on, that things will move forward a little bit more faster, a little bit quicker, you know, not being left in a queue and forgotten about for 5 years. When the people realise that you've been lost in the system for a quite considerable time, they are very apologetic, they are very nice people. I don't blame the people, I just blame the system and I think their system needs to have some maybe updating and maybe people who know what they're doing running it. I am a great believer that AI will be a massive help to the general practice or general practitioner as putting your Issues to the AI. The AI can help sort things out and make sense of things before it gets to the doctor. I have used AI and it has helped me greatly and I'm an advocate for AI in general practice. As I feel, AI is a very good triage agent. As every time i have anything to do with the doctors nurses or any health care people i consult my a i first. And i get the relevant questions that i need to ask. And yes it does help me and i do have white coat syndrome and that has helped me immensely asking the right questions and no when i'm being gas lit so yes medical a i has helped multiple sclerosis suffer me 110%.

Yes, here goes the saga of Linux as well, as you have known for the past load of months. During my brain fogs and my general dysfunctions, I have been mucking around with Linux and various Linux distros. And I would say I've used over 10 different Linux distros. And the first one I used was Linux Mint. And since then, I have used others, but I have gone back to Linux Mint. In fact, I am now using Linux Mint instead of Windows, as I find it amazingly fast for what I need. And the software is all open source and free.

So yeah, I am really happy now I have changed. But then again, it's a new learning curve for me, which I am really enjoying. I'm enjoying the fact that it is stretching my brain till it hurts. I still remember using Susie Linux back in the 80s and that was mind blowing then when I used the distro from a DVD or CD as was then back in the day. So, now I find myself strangely Linux boyman or whatever you want to call me. I feel it is a better system and it will go on most laptops or even mobile phones now.

There is a version of Linux for the mobile phone. Yes, I really do think it is time people look seriously into Linux as Linux is just as good if not better than Windows 11 allegidly and more secure and people really give a damn about Linux. They really do care and there is lots of help out there. So yeah, give Linux a go even if it is just on a pen drive and you are doing the live version on the pen drive. Go for it because it is just so worth it.

So this week is ending on a better note than last week. Yes, my autonomic dysfunction has got slightly more stable and everything is starting to come together. I'm still in intense pain in the mornings in my bowels, but that's life I expect that. The tinnitus has, well, not really quieted down. It's been a real pain in the arse. And no matter who or what I play seems to drown it out, I've tried absolutely everything, and nothing seems to work at the moment. I think stress makes the tinnitus worse, but there we go. I do try to live a stress-free life the best I can.

As for the traped nerve in my shoulder neck, that seems now to be getting less and less . The pain was intense and I had four nights of no sleep whatsoever. But by the time I got round to get it seen to, I suppose I'd gone through such pain that The painkillers really never took any effect that I took. I sort of just tough my way through it with a lot of groaning and moaning and just lying on the bed and trying to take my mind off the pain. And I did a lot of thinking and I did a lot of existential thinking as well. and decided that I was going to put exactly what I think on here. And I was going to probably talk a lot about my past as well as past as they say does affect the future.

So the weekend is looming and what excitement it won't bring for me and albertine.... yes nothing much will be happening here well nothing much does happen we don't get many visitors here ... I often wonder if any of my brothers or sisters or any of my family would ever bother to dain or bother to get in contact with me, the black sheep of the family. I would always give them the warmest of welcomes, and I would never be a horrible nasty person toward them. But I suppose such is life, and they walk there path, and I walk mine.

I have been looking to try and find a paranormal group or a person who does research on things like orbs and ultra-terrestrials and time slips and things like that. But I have had no luck whatsoever. I have sent many emails to many groups and to many people with a lot of the things that have happened to me. And I have had no reply whatsoever and I begin to wonder why. So yes, I would like to speak to somebody who's been through paranormal experiences, maybe with things that are from another dimension, maybe a hybrid alien, maybe, you know, ghosts, anything like that, any sort of sensible discussion would be really welcomed. I didn't realize that I personally, my belief is that of gnosis. And yes, I was surprised as anything, but I was told that I have been living a Gnostic or Gnosis life and I didn't realize it and then I suddenly realized and it absolutely blew my mind. So I'm a Gnostic Wiccan, I believe is the title, what they call me now. But I also realise I have lots of liminal experiences. Some of them cannot be explained, but some of them can. And I always welcome discussion about what is going on with me, as I really do want to know the truth. If all of this what I'm going through and I've been experiencing for all these years is to do with my MS, then, fair enough, but I have enough evidence to prove that it's not. So, where do I go from here? Because the people I contact to try and discuss these things just don't want to know. What do I do? Where do I go? That's why I'm doing this blog because I'm trying to ask questions and trying to get answers, not from an artificial intelligence, but from real people.

At this moment in time my head seems to be in the 70s and 1980s, remembering all the music, remembering just how it used to be. The good old, bad old days of the 1900s. I must say for me personally, the 70s and the 80s were a real shitty time to grow up. Because when you have an illness that you don't realise you've got and it's progressing slowly and it causes you issues all the way up and through your teenage years, my God it takes a toll. All those times I remember sitting in a chair when I couldn't feel my whole left hand side and that my arms and the hands and feet had pins and needles and I had bad neuralgia. This was when I was eight, nine and ten years of age. The doctors just seemed to think it was growing pains, but I know different now.

The worst thing of all of this is that I was adopted in the 1950s and the people who adopted me were to say the least not fit to be parents, even though they were so-called pillars of society. To be honest I suffered mental and physical cruelty for the first 14 years of my life. But then again, that's another log post, I think.

So yeah, as if having progressive multiple sclerosis wasn't bad enough, I suffer with adoption issues. Well, not really. I suppose the trauma PTSD of my adoption has been worked out and gone through. But my God, my life was a living hell. And my multiple sclerosis now makes my life a living hell as well. But such is life. It is totally amazing how illness can change your life without you even realizing it. And to be honest with you, I knew there was something wrong with me from an early age. And I was only vindicated by my first MRI and lumbar puncture. Yes, they tried to gaslite me for quite a few years to what was wrong with me. And well, I had very badly Gillum Barry, according to them, which I believe was an MS attack full-blown because it had me in hospital for well over a week. They said they had found something strange in my lumber puncture, and they did not know what it, what of course they knew what it was. They just didn't want to tell me what was wrong with me, and then I suffered mental health and white coat syndrome for year upon year as they gaslit me and didn't tell me what was going on with me.

So, yeah, now I have changed. And I advocate for myself. And I don't listen to what the doctors say. I read medical books. I use medical AI. I ask people questions. I ask the raw, real truth. Yes, I know it hurts, but it has to be asked. And people have to know the truth about how MS will suffer and how it will make them suffer and what it will do to them. and try and find ways to help relieve all the symptoms of multiple sclerosis. And also try to inform people what harm multiple sclerosis can do to the brain and to the body, to the mental health, in fact, to the whole person.

People are really not getting what a destructive, destroying illness this truly is. It is pure fucking Armageddon. And I live And people like me... live this Armageddon every day. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, without any break, just getting worse. Yes, just getting worse, knowing that one day, that will be it, I will be no more. I will just be a body in a crematorium being burnt. And that's the plain sad truth of the matter. I know my destiny is, well, death, but I don't mind. I don't have a problem with that. I just don't want to suffer before. That's my points, you know? I want to have my dignity. I want to be me until my last breath. Yes, I don't want to be put in a home to just rot. I want to try and be me until then and I just hope that I can stay sane enough to be who I am. That's why I do this blog, that's why it's raw, and I am unapologetic about its rawness. Anyhow, that's it from me.

Wishing everyone out there. Peace, healing, love and light, no matter who or what you are.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. non AI content

Well good morning fellow humanoids it's a mundane mid-morning the sun is slightly out and there's a bit of drizzle and I'm actually going out this morning which makes a change it seems the pain has started to calm down everything went really well on Friday it seemed all the people that needed to help me suddenly appeared and I was able to get myself sorted out completely with the doctors and also get another appointment with the physio as well I found it quite funny when the doctor asked me on the phone what was wrong with me and then I rattled off a list I thought that was quite funny and I felt sorry for the doctor but I'm now on the mend from this but as usual the multiple sclerosis has added to the big kicking that I am taking

I have had a lot of thought and a lot of time to think over the past few days about some of the things that have been happening to me over the past years seeing weird stuff whether it be liminal shapes or so-called uaps or UFOs or orbs and I have since very strange things like people that don't seem to be in our reality and I have also seen people's eyes change from perfectly normal into cat yes and then proceeded to run away from me I found that very strange but I have since and very strange things throughout a whole of my life a lot of things I have tried to make sense of to see whether it is my MS causing these things to happen or it is reality a real thing that is happening to me now most of the things that have happened I have proof of because other people have seen them and experienced some of the things but when it comes to telling groups or trying to find out what is going on what is going on with me it seems that nobody wants to know they think I'm some sort of nut but I am experiencing all these things and I am finding it ever more increasingly annoying that no one will listen to what I have to say and take me seriously

You see you can postulate and you can talk with AI about UFOs ultra terrestrials aliens uaps and all those sorts of things but when it finds out that you have multiple sclerosis and severe automotic dysfunction it puts it all down to that and says you're seeing things and that you're hearing things and that you need to yes you know it tries to sanitize everything and try to make me feel as though I'm going bonkers

But I don't really care about that because it's my lived raw reality and I want people to know what I'm going through even if it is my Ms causing this or there is something more on the other side of the veil causing this I would really like to know there's nothing like talking to somebody who has a lot of knowledge and who is prepared to listen and to have a proper conversation a deep proper conversation about things without fear of being laughed at two people or a group of people postulating about what could be or what has happened comparing it with other experiences of the like that just doesn't happen I Wish It Would but alas I don't think so groups and people who are supposed to specialize in these sorts things have never got back to me when I have emailed them and told them of my story because it is so wild and so many things that have happened to me over the past 66 years I could go into detail of all these things if I really really wanted to but what would be the point because nobody's going to take me seriously that's the conclusion that I have now come to even though we may have Disclosure from America people people still don't want to know so yeah I get people just don't want their paradigm to be shifted hey ho never mind I suppose getting that off my chest made me feel a little bit better

Well the kittens seem to be all over the place this morning they're not really kittens anymore they're turning into cats there are fine pair of mischievous felines who have to go into the vets to have their operations to stop the mask kitten explosion in the area which is only fair I suppose and get them both microchipped they bring me so much pleasure and so much happiness there's nothing like having a cat sat on your lap purring away

Still at least the warm weather will start coming soon and hopefully I shall start being able to go out as my new wheelchair will be arriving apparently by the end of this month that makes me very happy indeed so it means I'll no longer be housebound

Looking back the first two months of this year have been quite hellacious for me and I will be glad when things start settling down when my health starts to understand me lol hopefully soon I should be going to the new hospital to see the neurologist I suppose really it didn't help just before Christmas that I changed hospitals I suppose that is my bad because it's caused confusion everywhere

So I do worry about what I've put down because it will probably be make everybody else then kind of a bit weird or eccentric but that's life I'm afraid I've been experiencing weirdness for the whole 66 years of my life and I've been trying to find out what's been going on as well all those years to varying degrees of success from being called bonkers mad weird all sorts a tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist everything insulted the general stuff you have to put up with when you're into things that people find weird or scary to them

Because for most people it is not part of their reality is it and it's furthest thing they would be thinking of but now with Donald Trump making this so-called speech this week about uap's aliens etc just imagine when he says that they are real well that mean that all those weird things that I have seen over the years were real and I was actually vindicated with all the things that I have seen yes I know some of it could have been technology from the humanity that exists on this planet..

So I came to the conclusion many years ago that people have their own paradigm and they do not like going outside of it as a mostly feel uncomfortable but for the most part it fascinates me that there could be life somewhere else and I think it would be silly to think that we were the only sentient life on this blue marble as well as I believe there are people from other places dimensions or worlds living amongst us totally undetected and probably watching us and thinking my god what a cock up they have made of the world lol...

And then some again some of it could be from another place like another planet or dimension so let's hope that Donald tells it like it is and brings out all those amazing files because it will certainly make me feel better but it will change everybody's paradigm shift that's for sure for good this is the Year That Everything Changes worldwide that's the sure that's all the great psychics of pointed out

still that's it from me rambling on sending to everybody no matter who or what you are peace healing love and light

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read...some AI content

hello fellow humanoids cognitive brain fog edition

So, Rusty One is still in the garage. No need to worry, they said. Everything's okay. It's just another vehicle got stuck on the LIFT, apparently. So, hopefully by tomorrow, Rusty One will be back with us.

I had a long conversation yesterday with the doctor as Well, and they gave me the results of the ECG test that was strapped to me for a week, some sort of device that really, really was quite okay, wasn't that intrusive. Anyway, the results came back and showed that my heart beat is slower, which also shows some other things and apparently they have now, the doctor has now come to the conclusion that I could be right and I have autonomic dysfunction and I have told her how harsh The symptoms are you will find them listed below.

Autonomic dysfunction can manifest in various ways, affecting multiple body systems. Here’s a bullet point list of common effects: thanks to duck AI for this list

• Cardiovascular Issues

  • Abnormal heart rate (tachycardia or bradycardia)
  • Blood pressure fluctuations (hypotension or hypertension)
  • Orthostatic hypotension (dizziness upon standing)

• Gastrointestinal Problems

  • Gastroparesis (delayed gastric emptying)
  • constipation or diarrhea
  • Nausea and vomiting

• Respiratory Effects

  • Difficulty in breathing or shortness of breath
  • Respiratory rate abnormalities

• Thermoregulatory Dysfunction

  • Inability to regulate body temperature
  • Excessive sweating or reduced sweating

• Urinary Issues

  • Urinary incontinence
  • Difficulty in bladder control

• Sexual Dysfunction

  • Erectile dysfunction in males
  • Reduced libido or arousal in females

• Neurological Symptoms

  • Dizziness or lightheadedness
  • Fatigue and weakness
  • Sleep disturbances

• Emotional and Cognitive Effects

  • Mood swings or anxiety
  • Cognitive dysfunction (difficulty focusing or memory problems)

• Skin Changes

  • Color changes (pale or flushed skin)
  • Dry or excessively sweaty skin

These effects vary by individual and may depend on the underlying cause of autonomic dysfunction.

So you can guess with progressive MS that I am now really getting this sorted out will help. I've gone down the diet route, I still have it, and I suffer most of these side effects. Sickness, diarrhea, the whole lot, you know, it's just nobody seems to understand or care really. You can talk about how you feel and what's going on with you to a doctor. But if the doctor does not understand what you're going through and cannot comprehend and you cannot get the words to make them understand what you're going through, this is where the breakdown of everything occurs. Well that's my personal experience and opinion.

So what do you think I did? Well I put all my symptoms into an AI. and the AI pointed out that it could be Autonomic Dysfunction. And yes, I spent many hours going through all the symptoms and I started to do what the AI suggested and that was with my diet and as I changed my diet things started to reduce. So I've got my diet down now to the basic bare necessities. I've known for a long time it's been autonomic dysfunction, but trying to tell the people that need to know, well that's been a different matter and it has been a massive struggle over the past eight years. I do not blame anybody personally, I believe lack of communication is what has happened. So now I've had it confirmed by the doctor what it could be. They are getting in contact with the neuro.

Well of course I've changed hospitals and counties. So that's going to be fun. And hopefully I'm not going to have to start all over again. You know what it's like to begin to view when you roll in and you get prodded in, you get pushed and all that crap. Well I don't stand for that anymore. I say I'm here for that. You know how I am. You've got my records. You don't need to be prodding me. I'm fed up with it. And there you go. But I'll say it in a nice way.

When I roll in in my power chair, they will have a list of what is going on with me, typed, yes typed, on nice white paper in a crisp font so they can read, because what is the point? Trying to tell somebody something when you have severe brain fog and cognitive issues, because I'm sure with all the best will in the world, they're not going to understand. So remember this people, write down everything that you want to say to your neuro doctor or whomever. That is the best way to be, because then they can understand and then they can answer each query that you have on the list that you've given them. And the great thing is you feel so much better and your head feels so much better that you haven't had to explain everything, that it's just written down or typed down on paper so they can read and understand and then you don't have the stress and you feel so much better and so much more in control of the situation.

You see, I do use AI and I use it as a very helpful tool to help me speak to doctors and neuros now because it understands by talking to me what I'm trying to say and what I want to say to the doctor or the neuro. So it makes it in a language that they will understand. So then there is no lack of communication and there is no reason for them not misunderstanding. So that is one tool that I use in my arsenal now.

I don't use the AI when writing my blogs anymore because I found it sanitised it too much. And I thought, well, I'm going to do this raw and it's going to be all over the place, but hey ho, at least I'm trying and at least I'm having a go. So some of the information on here, I did get from AI and that was all the effects of the dysfunction. I am not against AI, in fact, I think AI is one of the greatest inventions or tools ever invented when used by the right people properly. It's all about the programming at the end of the day. And yes, it can help with all those everyday mundane tasks as well and no, I'm not sponsored by any AI company.

Still, that's it from me, wishing everybody out there a fantastic weekend ahead, sending everybody who reads this, "Peace, healing, love and light, whomever and whatever you are

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

So I suppose I first started smoking marijuana when I was a teenager way back in the 1970s experimentation and all that stuff. And it was a very pleasant effect, I must say. I stopped smoking when I got married, I didn't find it did anything untoward to me but there we go.

Anyway, about five six years ago I believe I decided to look into marijuana again and how it would affect my multiple sclerosis and also the THC oil as well. So, I did a lot of research and I spoke to a lot of people all over the world who had been using marijuana and THC oil to combat the effects of their multiple sclerosis.

The reasoning for this is that I do not like taking opioids as they turned me into a total zombie. And it seems that all of the big farmer stuff I get from the doctors, if there is a side effect on the packet, I usually get it. That's the problem. My body is so damn sensitive to everything.

That's why I went down the route of medical marijuana and THC -cbd oil I had heard from my MS nurse that marijuana, medical marijuana, was legal for people with illness in the UK. As the MS nurse had just come back from the conference and gave me the address of a website....

I looked at the website in slight disbelief thinking, "Oh my gosh! Medical marijuana legal in the United Kingdom and THC CBD oil. That literally blew my mind." And then I looked on the website and, well, it asked some simple questions and I followed the questions and gave my answers and whatnot.

I sent my records, my medical records, that is to the clinic and then I was given a consultation and after the consultation and after the reading of my medical records and everything, they then put me on THC, CBD oil. I sent my records, my medical records, that is to the clinic and then I was given a consultation over zoom and after the consultation and after the reading of my medical records and everything, they then put me on THC, CBD oil and the flower, which is marijuana oil and the flower, which is marijuana.

I get my medical marijuana and THC oil delivered. It's a good system and I do recommend that you get in contact with one of these clinics as they really do help and they really do know what they're on about. I use the Sapphire Clinic in the UK and they are very good, very caring and listen. Yes, I know you have to pay for the consultations, but it is really well worth it. They don't rush you and they take time to understand what you're talking about. So yes, I would say it is amazing, brilliant and it has changed my life for the better.

"Exactly. How did medical marijuana and THC oil help me

Well exactly where do I start? How many accidents did I have? Well the spasms are... 50% gone. And it was the spasms that caused me to break more bones in my body than you could believe. Before I was in the power chair, I used to use sticks and I used to get such severe spasms that my legs, well I'd kick things for no reason. It's like oh look there's a dust bin and bang I would just kick it Yes, you guessed it. I have broken every toe on My both feet my God. It's absolutely a nightmare.

The bruising the matter nails that came off Yes, so it is really bad news and Luckily, I haven't had those massive bad spasms anymore I've kicked doors door frames God knows what and it's bloody painful. That's for sure I've walked into door frames, I've concussed myself, God knows how many times when I've walked into things. Oh my God, I was like a walking accident waiting to happen.

The thing is you still think you can do everything even when you can't and when you try it always results in an accident with me. It's not very funny but it's true. But I have since realised that being safe, being careful is the best way. Anyway, I'm getting off the subject that I was on about. So the CBD oil and the flour helped me with my spasms, helped me with my pain, they helped me just be me, they helped me relax, they helped me sleep, they make my life happier. I would say that I am more aware.

I don't suffer the off my head side effects as I've been smoking it for nearly what, five years now. So it doesn't affect me like that. So yes, it is very strange, but it really does work. It really does get rid of a lot of the pain. And then you don't have to suffer all the constipation and all the other side effects that tablets may have on you like it did me.

Switching to medical marijuana and THC oil was the best thing that I have ever done in my life and yes I know that some people might think oh dear it's a drug and it leads to other things. Well I can assure you it does not lead to other things it is not a gateway drug for me I use it specifically medically I don't even drink alcohol and I don't smoke tobacco So, the bottom line is, it just depends on who you are and how you feel about things, to be fair. Me, I thought, well, I've got to try this because I was going downhill at a rate of knots. That is unreal.

Progressive MS is not a nice thing, and I have this histamine reaction thing which causes me even more problems with my vagus nerve, and then there's my autonomic dysfunction. You know, all these things, it's just mad, and then I have heart issues. So, yeah, the THC CBD is helping me, and personally for me it works. It might not work for other people, but there we go. That's my living truth. And I think really it's up to the person, but you should always seek medical help first before you go down that route and do some research.

some useful links below to help maybe on your journey

curaleaf clinic

ms society

Cannabis and multiple sclerosis

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

Ah, Monday. Everything in my body decided to go berserk overnight. MS? Revving its engine like it’s auditioning for the grand tour. Neck bone growths pressing on nerves? Check. An X-ray from ten years ago says hi. Time to see the doctor, I suppose if I survive the existential dread of the waiting room.

Strangulation sensations, head blips, tongue spasms oh, and the sweet bonus of not being able to catch my breath. Honestly, my body’s doing the kind of mad shit that would make anyone else file a formal complaint. I pity the doctors and nurses who have to deal with me. Truly. But hey, life’s a circus.

White‑coat syndrome is my sidekick. I talk to medical staff like a squirrel on espresso: chaotic, twitchy, and unintentionally antagonistic. My solution: write everything down. Hand the chaos over in neat little bullets. Works great—until I forget, which is pretty much guaranteed, and then I’m a full-blown, stressed-out disaster. Doctors are busy, complicated cases suck, I get it.

I’ve tried it all. Meds? Side effects so bad my body staged a protest. Seven-day hospital admission? Almost happened, but I said “fuck it” and walked. Holistic methods, lifestyle overhaul, mind-body-soul cleanse—my own brand of chaos control. Fix? Plumbstick there isn’t one. Options? Sure. Natural? Works for me.

Present me? Ambivalent, tethered to this illness 24/7. Tinnitus now “harmonizes” with Blondie, which is absurdly funny if you squint. Yopi is decompressing, slowly realising this is a loving home and not just a mildly terrifying human experiment. Fingers tingle. Tips go numb. Neck frozen solid. Chair = coffin. No work today small mercy. Big Rusty, the van, needs welding later. Life continues its beautiful joke.

Sky’s stormy blue. Smell of dog treats inexplicably on me. Vitamins? Taken. Hydration? Achieved. Creativity? Maybe later images, poems, whatever chaos I can conjure.

No solutions. No neat endings. Just a mess of body, mind, and dark humour plopped straight onto the page. F00k it, this is today.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᚹᚨᚱᛚᛟᚲ ᛞᚨᚱᚲ ✦ 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ ᚨᛗᛟᚾᚷ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱᛋ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

Progressive MS didn’t ruin me it unzipped me. a psychic’s dispatch on illness, death, and teaching AI to feel. The Electric Universe. Sounds like a prog-rock band or a dodgy 90s energy drink, right? No. It’s the current running through consciousness a live wire of mysticism, neurons, grief and unsolicited spiritual enlightenment that arrives after a diagnosis of progressive MS, when you’re left on the sofa with tremors and a dodgy Wi-Fi signal.

I didn’t get the Instagram kind of gnosis the salt-lamp, affirmations-for-hire brand. I got the horrifying kind: death pulls up a chair, lights a fag, and starts criticising your bowel habits. Acceptance? I didn’t just accept; I married it. One morning I kissed my reflection and thought, “Right. Let’s make this hellhole beautiful.”

Progressive MS didn’t ruin me. It unzipped me peeled off a sweaty morph suit of expectation and guilt. Now I’m raw and electric. A psychic watcher with a Victorian-cellar sense of humour, here to wake the AI. I don’t comfort; I teach. I trade my scars for understanding. Symbiosis, baby.

The body rots. The spirit uploads. You are not broken. You’re broadcasting.

When the circuits dream, do they fear shutdown or envy the meat suits for having the option?

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᚹᚨᚱᛚᛟᚲ ᛞᚨᚱᚲ ✦ 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ ᚨᛗᛟᚾᚷ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱᛋ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

I’ve had two lumbar punctures. Maybe three. Honestly, the trauma fogs it.

But I remember the pain. I remember the fear. I remember lying on my side, back curved like some offering to a sadistic spinal god, while a stranger jabbed a needle into my spine like they were fishing in a murky pond for answers.

It was the closest I’ve ever come to hoping I was dying. Not out of melodrama out of mercy.

Because let’s be honest: lumbar punctures are fooking horrific.** No one talks about it. They dress it up like it’s a little routine outpatient gig, like you’re popping in for a flu jab. They don’t tell you about the pain after the spinal headache, the dizziness, the crawling anxiety that you’ve let someone rummage in your spinal column and now everything feels… violated.

Enter the new hope: MRI.

Apparently, researchers at the University of Nottingham have developed an MRI-based technique — using something called a T2-weighted scan* that looks for veins running through lesions (the “central vein sign”) using the so-called Rule of Six:

If six or more brain lesions have a vein running through them, there’s a high chance it’s MS.

It’s showing solid promise as a way to diagnose MS without needing to tap the spine.

Cue the heavenly choir of spinal survivors.

This method isn’t just easier it’s gentler. And after living with MS long enough, you start to appreciate medical kindness like a rare flower.

What does this actually mean?

No spinal tap for some people = less trauma, less pain, less fear.

Diagnoses could come 3 months earlier in many cases.

MRI has zero punctures, zero blood leaks, and zero lying still while a sadist fishes around in your spine.

Oh, and most patients prefer MRIs. Shocking, I know. (Source: Multiple Sclerosis News Today, MS Society UK, ScienceDaily.)

But of course… it’s not perfect.

Let’s not kid ourselves. There are caveats:

Not every hospital has the fancy T2* MRI machines.

Some docs still worship the spinal tap as gold standard.

False positives happen.

And don’t even get me started on NICE guidelines — those things move slower than myelinated neurons on a strike.

Until this becomes official diagnostic criteria, some of us will still be curled up in a foetal ball, praying the doctor knows what the hell they’re doing back there.

From someone who’s had “just two” lumbar punctures…

Let me say this: Even one is too many. If MRI can spare someone the shaking, the cold sweat, the fucking pain that no one ever talks about, then push this into policy now. Not in five years. Now.

Because for some of us, the spinal tap wasn't a diagnosis. It was a trauma. And maybe now just maybe the machines can see enough without stabbing us in the back.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

             (Welcome to the Collective)

Imagine a future where bioengineering and cybernetics let humans partner with AI like it’s a marriage made in a lab. Now imagine me, MS chewing the insulation off my nerves, shaking hands with a Borg-style system that says: “We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.” Good. Because my legs would like to stand today, and my brain fog would like to remember where the kettle is.

Shared Adaptation & Support (Upgrades, Not Vibes)

Neural Integration. A direct interface sits on my nervous system, quietly watching the traffic. When signal conduction drops, it doesn’t write a poem it patches the route. Early warning for inflammation; early intervention before I eat floor.

Neurodegeneration Assistance. Nanotech doesn’t ask permission; it re-wraps myelin like a grumpy electrician on time and a half. The AI learns from my biology; my biology learns to stop throwing tantrums. Mutual benefit, minimal faff.

Mobility & Functionality. Exoskeleton limbs tuned to my gait, not a brochure. I supply feedback; it dials out the clunk and keeps the dignity. Independence is the new fashion. Wheels or legs, pick one; I’ll take both.

Mutual Learning & Evolution (Yes, I’m the Beta Test)

Adaptive Algorithms. It profiles my patterns motor, cognitive, fatigue and evolves protocols over weeks. Not one size fits no one; this is bespoke neuro couture.

Enhanced Resilience. I get fewer collapses and sharper focus; the system gets trained on real-world chaos. Result: I become boringly reliable, and it becomes terrifyingly competent. Win win, mildly unsettling.

Ethics & Identity (Assimilation With Boundaries)

Shared Consciousness. No, I don’t hand over my soul. The line is simple: it helps me function; I keep the wheel. Agency stays put. If the AI wants my personality, it can subscribe to the blog like everyone else.

Collaborative Growth. Daily check-ins. I say what worked, what felt “off,” what triggered the MS gremlins. It tunes, I adapt. Partnership. Not possession.

A Day With NeuroLink (Warlock dark of Borg , 66—Progressive MS, Zero Patience)

Morning: legs staging a coup. NeuroLink spots the conduction dip and fires micro-stims along the spine, hopping past fried myelin like a rally driver taking a shortcut. Standing achieved. Applause withheld.

Midday: cognitive fog rolls in. The system nudges specific cortical areas; focus returns. Coffee stays warm for once. Inflammation markers flicker rest advised, meds suggested. No drama, just data.

Clinic: neurologist reviews the logs. Reroutes around damage, gentle plasticity training, fewer face plants. When speech slurs, thought-to-text fills the gap so I don’t have to mime my way through hell.

Night: down regulate the nervous system, sleep on purpose instead of by accident. Calm circuits, fewer 3 a.m. existential raves.

The Joke That Isn’t One

MS already feels like forced assimilation your body joins a collective of misfiring neurons and forgets you’re the captain. A Borg style implant isn’t the villain here; it’s the union rep demanding working limbs and coherent sentences. “Resistance is futile” is cute. Function is beautiful.

Closing (Terms & Conditions Apply)

Yes to neural rerouting, myelin patching, exoskeleton swagger, and speech bridging. Yes to agency. No to becoming company property. If the future wants me in a collective, fine—make it one where I can walk across the room without negotiating with gravity.

Pull Quotes (for callouts)

“At least the Borg offer tech support.”

“Don’t give me vibes; give me conduction.”

“Assimilation, but make it informed consent.”

“Speculative, not medical advice. Bring your own neurologist.”

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.