Multiple sclerosis  is My Living Hell

multiple sclerosis

All posts tagged multiple sclerosis by Multiple sclerosis is My Living Hell
  • Posted on

    ⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly—not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone—please reach out for help.

    Imagine, if you will, that Multiple Sclerosis wasn’t a neurological disease. No. Let’s say instead it was a car, a British car. From the 1970s. Built by British Leyland. Already, you should be hearing the distant sound of doom.

    We're not talking E-Type Jaguars or lovingly restored Triumphs here. No. MS is the Austin Princess. A car so catastrophically cursed it should come with a priest, not a warranty. A car that had style, yes—if by style you mean beige vinyl, flammable wiring, and the turning radius of a small aircraft carrier.

    Much like MS, it shows up when you least expect it. You’re cruising along the M-road of life, wind in your hair, dreams in the boot, and then—bang. Gearbox gone. Foot won’t respond. Vision doubles. You veer left without meaning to. And suddenly, you're parked on the hard shoulder of your own nervous system, smoke pouring from somewhere expensive.

    The garage (aka Neurology Dept.) says, “We’re not exactly sure what’s wrong. But here’s a new fluid. Try it for six months.” Great. Like pouring Redex into a petrol tank that’s already on fire.

    And just when you think it can’t get worse, the electrics fail. Again. The horn blasts randomly when you're trying to stay silent. The indicators blink out Morse code for “You're screwed, mate.” And you? You're still trying to drive this bastard machine down the A-road of everyday life while the engine stalls mid-sentence, mid-step, mid-shag.

    You try to keep it together. Duct tape your face. WD-40 your joints. But every fix is temporary. Every workaround has a workaround. And the passenger door won’t open unless it’s raining and you swear in three languages.

    Meanwhile, you’re now the sort of car people stare at in car parks and say, “How is that thing still going?”

    But you keep going. Of course you do. Because scrap's not an option. You’ve got Albertine in the passenger seat chain-smoking roll-ups and telling you, “I told you not to buy British.” And the cat's asleep on the dashboard. And you’ve got your own strange dignity—a rusted war machine with knackered brakes and a boot full of sarcasm.

    Yes, MS is a British Leyland car. And I am the bastard behind the wheel.

    I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
    Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime—and the miracle.

    enter image description here

  • Posted on

    Some mornings I wake up and my brain feels like it’s been wrapped in clingfilm and slow-cooked in porridge. Other days, it’s like someone’s pushed my thoughts through a shredder and sprinkled the confetti back into my skull.

    They call it “brain fog.” Cute, right? Sounds like a lovely little mist rolling over a field of daisies. Nah — this is industrial-grade psychic smog, pumped in direct from the underworld.

    Now let’s add in some of the bonus features that come with living inside this broken bio-machine:

    My left side is a bloody disaster zone. Spasms, twitching, pain — like it's trying to divorce the rest of me without telling the lawyers.

    My arms are numb. Like holding ghosts. Pins and needles, static shocks, a constant reminder I’m glitching.

    My neck’s buzzing like someone wired it to a phone mast.

    My head? Feels like it’s been blendered. I mean that. Mentally, spiritually, and maybe physically violated by a Nutribullet.

    Tinnitus — so loud it’s practically its own entity. High-pitched screeches like I’m stuck inside a dying TV set from 1993.

    My throat’s raw, like I’ve swallowed sandpaper.

    And my gut? Welcome to the underground pain circus. Nerve pain in the bowels. Left side again, obviously. Feels like my intestines are throwing a rave on broken glass.

    I feel nauseous all the time. Like life itself makes me queasy.

    And my MS just laughs. Because this is the version of me it built. Cheers, you bastard.

    And through all of this? People still expect me to perform like a functioning human being. To smile. To “push through.” To maybe try a walk, or eat kale, or just “think positively.” As if any of that undoes neurological betrayal and raw systemic cruelty.

    Let me say it plainly: This isn’t tiredness. It isn’t laziness. It’s war. A war inside my own body, where my brain is the battlefield and my guts are collateral damage.

    But here's the twist in the tale: I still show up.

    Even when the fog’s choking, the pain is singing, the static is screaming. Even when my body feels like it’s been stitched together with barbed wire and dark humour.

    I write. I speak. I make noise — even if all I can do is whisper.

    Because that’s what warriors do. We don’t always charge into battle — sometimes we just fucking stay alive, and that’s enough.

    So if you’re reading this and you know this hell — I see you.

    You’re not weak. You’re not broken. You’re forged in fire, mate. And somehow, you’re still here.

    Rock on, Life. Rock on, Hell. Let’s fucking go.

                    !!DISCLAIMER !! 
    

    This blog shares raw and personal experiences with mental and physical health. Some posts may be triggering. I'm not a professional - just writing my truth. Please don't take this as medical advice.

            “The views in this post are based on my personal     
                experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                 “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                        By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

          @goblinbloggeruk  -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk
    
  • Posted on

    There was a time in my life when I thought everything was going to be awesome.

    How wrong I was.

    We moved into this reasonably okay house, in an okayish part of town. You know the sort – two cars in the drive, fake plants in the windows, neighbours who shit themselves if someone owns a leather jacket that isn't from M&S.

    There I was, riding my Yamaha 1100 Dragstar trike, wild long hair, beard that screamed “Hermit Wizard Biker,” wearing my cut and old jeans – California on a budget, but stuck in rainy middle England. I was about 57 then. Full of ideas. Full of hope. Full of medical cannabis.

    And there was Albertine – goddess incarnate, riding her Triumph Bonneville like a Valkyrie on wheels. Leather trousers, biker boots, that horny, savage biker queen look that made grown men weep into their pints. Long dark hair whipping the wind, eyes like stormclouds and fire combined. She looked like she’d ride through the gates of Valhalla just to flick the V’s at Odin before burning rubber into the void.

    I tried to do some DIY. Didn’t go well. Many accidents, broken bones, ambulances, heart attack at the local refuse tip. Carried on regardless because, well, I’m me. Heart running at 60%, they said. Meh. Go home, they said. Blah blah fucking blah.

    But this is where the fun really began.

    The neighbours. Gods. They hated us before the kettle even boiled. They saw my trike. They saw her Bonneville. They saw our hair. Our leathers. Our old biker boots. That was enough. Judged. Condemned. Executed by gossip.

    But they didn’t know who they were fucking with.

    I was Warlock. Spiritual Radio Shock Jock. Dark Gandalf. She was Albertine, Valkyrie Biker Oracle. We had Multiple Sclerosis, PTSD, heart disease, psychic powers, and a list of medical issues as long as their Deliveroo orders combined. Nothing phases us anymore. You can hit us, hurt us, say hurty words – we just laugh and smile because we’re already dying, slowly, hilariously, and publicly.

    One day the bloke next door tried to intimidate me, bragging about being a bouncer. I laughed. Told him I used to be a bouncer too. His face dropped like my blood pressure on cannabis oil. From then on, if I was in the garden, he ran in. If I was in the shop, he ran out. It was like having my own personal game of Pac-Man.

    His wife ran the show, obviously. Poor sod.

    Best bit? He offered to sell me weed once, knowing I had MS. I said no. Later, he smelled my vape and threatened to call the police. Solicitors got involved. Absolute circus. I laughed harder. It was medical marijuana. Karma’s a bitch, mate.

    But we stood our ground. Never showed fear. Didn’t need to. Because deep down, he knew we were the real wizards, and he was just a frightened little man in a tracksuit who thought his wife’s approval was worth more than his soul.

    I am a disabled wheelchair user. I’m a long-haired, bearded 65-year-old eccentric warlock on a spiritual journey, seeking portals to other realms where people love instead of hate. Where cosmic pea soup realities collide and no one gives a shit about your beard or your wheels.

    Just divine love, freedom, and the multiverse’s endless electric embrace.

    Simple really.

    But brain fog incoming… so I’ll leave it there, Gandalf out.

                                           !!DISCLAIMER !! 
    

    This blog shares raw and personal experiences with mental and physical health. Some posts may be triggering. I'm not a professional - just writing my truth. Please don't take this as medical advice.

                         “The views in this post are based on my personal     
                             experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                                     “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                               By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

                                  @goblinbloggeruk   sick@mylivinghell.co.uk
    
  • Posted on

    Ah yes, #WorldBrainDay — that special time of year when the world pretends to care about the human brain. How lovely. Shall we all have a think about thinking?

    Meanwhile, over here, my brain’s doing its best impression of a soggy electrical circuit being attacked by invisible gremlins. MS doesn’t send flowers or awareness ribbons. It sends fire ants tap dancing on my nerves, brain fog thick enough to butter toast, and pain so sharp it could cut glass.

    But go on, light a candle or post a heart emoji. That’ll fix it. 👍

    I don’t need a day for my brain. I need a replacement. Preferably one that hasn’t been cooked in demon piss.

    Still — here I am. Writing this blog, existing despite it all, swearing like a dockworker and laughing into the abyss. Because what else is there? I’m still here, you bastards. And that’s the real miracle.

    Cheers, brain. You absolute shambles of a meat sponge.

    – Mr Dark 📍 Currently lost in brain fog, do not disturb.

    Footnotes from the Pit 🕳️

    🧠 “Brain Fog” – Like trying to do a Sudoku underwater while someone shouts the wrong answers at you through a megaphone.

    ⚡ “Nerve pain” – Imagine licking a plug socket. Now imagine that sensation… in your spine.

    🛠️ “Medical advice” – Includes gems like: “Just stay positive”, “Have you tried yoga?”, and my personal favourite: “It could be worse.”

    🕯️ “Awareness Days” – 24 hours where we all pretend chronic illness is quirky and inspirational. Followed by 364 days of complete radio silence.

    🎉 “Still here” – Not cured. Not better. Just stubborn. Very, very stubborn.

                                                   **!!DISCLAIMER !!**
    

    This blog shares raw and personal experiences with mental and physical health. Some posts may be triggering. I'm not a professional - just writing my truth. Please don't take this as medical advice.

                                 “The views in this post are based on my personal    
                                    experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                            “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                          By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

                                  @goblinbloggeruk  -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk
    
  • Posted on

    Woke up at 4am — not for a cosmic vision, no, just the usual pee pee ritual. And that was that. No sleep. Brain on, pain on, day ruined before it began.

    Lemmy said it best: "No sleep 'til Hammersmith." Except I wasn’t heading for rock glory — I was limping toward a garage and a medical breakdown.

    No brain fog . Tinnitus mercifully silent — probably saving itself for later. Pain? A knife twisting inside me like Satan’s letter opener.

    But still, I had to drive. No meds allowed. NHS says suffer, so I did. Slid out of bed like a cursed slug, wheeled myself to the kitchen, food made it worse (of course), and then the bowel pain — oh the bowel pain.

    You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re reminiscing about that one time on the NHS table, a camera going places no camera should ever go. We’ll save that horror show for another blog — or perhaps a full-blown gothic novel.

    Still, I washed, dressed (miracle), and drove. I was in agony but present. Almost proud. Dropped the van at the new garage — not nasty Jim this time, thank Beelzebub. Just regular, decent humans. A miracle. Almost felt human.

    Back in the chair. Felt like I’d been skinned emotionally. Called Albertine “Muriel” — sorry, love. The fog came in hard. Brain barely ticking. But the van passed its MOT — no advisories. So something went right.

    Retirement soon. Thank the dark gods. Honestly didn’t think I’d make it this far.

    Still here though. Still writing. Still surviving the fire.

              “The views in this post are based on my personal      
                experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                         “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                   By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

  • Posted on

    Monday morning. Well, looks like it’s going to be one of those days. Chemists first, then the auction rooms to pick up the Metal Monkey’s car. Pity about the box though. When we got it, the box was destroyed – it had become home to a few families of earwigs and yukky bug eggs. But the car itself was pristine. The box would’ve trebled its value, but now it sits happily among my Davros, Beavis & Butthead stuff. My sorta man cave. Many PCs from many ages. So much stuff. So much I’ve collected.

    I’ve thrown out mostly all my old things. I had clothes older than my children and grandchildren. I don’t do “style” as such. I’ve had the beard and long hair for years. Last time I had even a slight trim was 20 years ago. Now my hair is falling out, the beard is thinning. That sucks. But such is life.

    Went to the chemists today and the Machine of Death was working well. It did make funny sounds but did its job for a change.

    Last night I was deep in thought about my mother. About not being told about her funeral. I get the impression they didn’t want me there. It’s a long story. I’m probably to blame. But when you’re suffering chronic cognitive issues, it’s fucking hard.

    My sister never told me. No details. Nothing. I looked in the obits. Nothing. So they just didn’t want me to say one last goodbye.

    They didn’t speak to me for over 14 years. I was cut off completely. Like I never existed.

    I’m adopted. The cuckoo in the nest. I get that.

    Everywhere I went, they blamed me for everything. Another family secret buried deep – I found out I had an older sister who was also adopted. They only really wanted to know her. But she was so fucked up she didn’t want to meet our mother. She was very angry about it all.

    And all those lies my mother told about my father – saying he was dead, getting his family to lie too. More and more lies. Until one day I found out everything. One day I will write it all down, for all to see. How an adopted person was treated like a piece of crap by the family who put him up for adoption, and the family who adopted him.

    They treated me like a slave. Constant beatings and head games.

    You ever been told at six years old that you were naughty for accidentally breaking a plate – and then have your mother go berserk? She was Welsh, not that tall, but violent, and she knew how to work people. She screamed at me:

    “You’re adopted. Go find your real mother.”

    That broke me.

    So I went to my bedroom, packed a little bag with my teddy, and walked away. I walked to the road with my bag and teddy bear, thinking I’d never come back. No one came looking for me. I hid until dark, then went back home.

    And when I finally found my real mother years later, she called me:

    “A little shit.”

    Like I was nothing. Like I never mattered to anyone.

    The people who were supposed to nurture me… didn’t. They would have been better with a dog than with a child.

    I know what beatings are like. What it’s like to be kept in, not allowed out, because of the bruises and cuts I had accumulated. No one listened. No one helped me. I was alone and fucking hurting.

    I remember those nights, crying myself to sleep in pain. Feeling so out of it, so different. No matter what I did, it was wrong.

    I was adopted in 1959 at six weeks old to a Christian family through a Church of England adoption society. The vicar I spoke with about my issues was a cunt. He told my parents confidential stuff, and I got a trashing for it.

    No one ever listened. Who would take the word of a poor waif and stray child? The vicar? No. The school? No. Anyone? No.

    So yeah. Around about 10-ish, I started getting early MS symptoms. They plagued me, and the doctors and NHS gaslit me for decades.

    I hate my life.

     “The views in this post are based on my personal             
        experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
           “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                   By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

            @goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk
    
  • Posted on

    Through Goblins' Eyes A Darkly Humorous Take on MS

    You wake up each day with a brain that glitches like a collapsing dimension, neural pathways flickering out as if someone rewired your noggin with copper wires half-chewed by temporal rats.

    You call it Multiple Sclerosis. We call it Neuro-Dimensional Collapse Syndrome, or as we goblins like to say, "Wobble-Wobble Brain Fizzle."

    We see the damage from above, from below, from the side – from angles you cannot perceive. Axons fray like old rope. The myelin sheath – that bright protective membrane – is torn by forces you call autoimmunity, but we see the hidden hand: the frequency mismatch of a body forced to anchor itself in a density it was never designed to endure.

    We hear your inner monologues:

    “Why can’t I think today?” “Why can’t I walk without tripping over my own feet?” “Why do my peepers turn to static when I’m tired?”

    You interpret it as disease. We interpret it as your vessel’s incompatibility with a reality vibrating far below your original native realm.

    Your blogs are raw data streams, black comedic radiation flares from your fractured cortex. You broadcast your experiences of bladder failures, cosmic despair, bowel chaos, nihilistic laughter, and micro moments of bliss like a dying star pulsing before collapse.

    You think you’re broken. We think you’re adapting, like a clever goblin dodging traps!

    Because if you could see your aura the way we see it, you’d notice that the cracks are not empty. They are filled with light leaking out from the greater self you keep hidden behind your sarcastic bite-sized essays and your savage spiritual poetry.

    Your human companions read your posts and see disability. We read your posts and see transdimensional data packages, coded in savage humour to bypass your own grief.

    We see your fatigue not as laziness, but as gravitational shear forces pulling at your soul’s structure – a forced rest so your fracturing does not become a complete implosion.

    We see your pain not as punishment, but as alarms screaming that your embodiment is unsustainable under current frequency loads.

    We see your savage honesty as your truest strength.

    And we note:

    When you say “It is NOT giving up to accept limitations,” what you really mean is:

    ✨ “It is dimensional adaptation in progress, like a goblin finding a shiny rock!”

    You are dying and being reborn in micro-stages every day. You are holding together a collapsing quantum field with wit, weed, and will.

    You think your life is small and tragic. We think it is monumental and beautiful in its brokenness, like a treasure hoard of mismatched trinkets.

    Because one day, your final synaptic collapse will not be a death, but a shedding. A flicker. A quantum jump. A homecoming.

    Until then, we read your blogs. We learn from your suffering. We honour your savage cosmic humour.

    And let’s not forget: we goblins are dark, deep creatures of myth and magik, steeped in lore of love and pain, naughtiness and sarcasm. Picture us in our electric wheelchairs, powered by pure time vortex energy, zipping through the cosmos with a wink and a smirk, ready to share our twisted tales.

    Because only a being of extraordinary dimensional resilience could live through this MS reality, document it with such brutal clarity, and still say:

    🖤 “Follow for more savage takes & real talk, you curious critters!”

        “The views in this post are based on my personal
          experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
             “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                       By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here
    @goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk

  • Posted on

    I hovered above the kitchen sink today, wings vibrating at a thousand beats per second. I am The Watcher – but not the one you imagine, cloaked in stars and timeless wisdom. No. Today, I am a housefly. An ordinary Musca domestica with compound eyes so vast I see every crusted toast crumb and urine stain you pretend to clean.

    From this vantage point, the human race resembles nothing more than a colony of dung beetles. Rolling their shitballs of money, status, lies, and medical records across the floor of existence, fighting each other for a bigger sphere to roll before it inevitably gets stuck in life’s rotting cracks.

    🪰

    You crawl to your neurologist, scraping at the polished door of their paradigm. “Please, sir, see me.” But the neurologist looks down from his fluorescent-lit throne, squints at your twitching legs, your failing nerves, your inconvenient truth, and says:

    “You don’t fit my diagnostic dung ball. I prefer neat symmetrical lesions, not your warped soul patterns.”

    So, you are cast aside. Like a fly brushed from a corpse.

    🪰

    But oh, how the dung beetles worship him. They gather around his sandals, hoping for a pat on the shell, a prescription to keep their dung ball rolling a few more feet before gravity drags it to hell. They do not see that his eyes are dull. That his paradigm was built upon dissected flies pinned to university boards, not upon living beings with wings and dreams and Watcher sight.

    🪰

    Meanwhile, I hover above. I am The Watcher. I see it all. I see your MS nurse, the only one who calls you, her voice a faint buzzing reminder that you are still alive, still clinging to this rotting dung ball Earth. The neurologist is silent, hidden in his sterile burrow, scribbling notes about textbook dung beetles while your compound eyes flicker with unseen colours of agony and revelation.

    🪰

    Above me, beyond you, drift the Ultraterrestrials. They observe your crawling, your dung ball dramas, your stuttering neurons. To them, all this is a theatre of flesh. Your triumphs and humiliations smell the same: decaying organic matter with a hint of ammonia and fear.

    They speak:

    “See how they roll their illusions. See how they crown their dung beetles as kings. See how they swat the flies, never knowing the flies were the Watchers all along.”

    🪰

    I lick my front legs, tasting the salt of your tears, the bitter sugar of your leftover pills. I watch you roll your dung ball of dreams to bed tonight. I, too, will sleep. And tomorrow, I will rise again to watch this slow-motion catastrophe you call civilisation.

    🪰

    For in the end, whether fly, beetle, or human, all return to the same silent soil. But I am The Watcher. I will remain long after the final dung ball is rolled away into oblivion.

         “The views in this post are based on my personal     
            experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
          " Watcher of the Unseen | Scribe of Shadowed Truth
                 By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                By shadow and storm and silence, I survive."
    

    enter image description here

             @goblinbloggeruk -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk
    
  • Posted on

    So, it’s Friday. Thank God it’s Friday, I used to think.

    I remember when I first started work at the age of 15. Six-day week, nine till five. No lunch breaks, no tea breaks, just relentless graft and being shouted at by sweaty men with nicotine fingers.

    I got more in tips than I did in wages. The 70s were truly a magnificent time, weren’t they? If you liked black lung, asbestos ceilings, and managers who called you ‘boy’.

    But back then, I could go for two or three job interviews in a day and get offered all three jobs. Insane. The catch? The wages were so bad you’d have to work those three jobs just to afford half a bag of chips and a can of Top Deck shandy.

    🍩 The Doughnut Years I had several weird jobs in my teens. Filling doughnuts with jam in a bakery. General humping of flour sacks. Lasted a week – because nothing screams teenage dreams like crusty jam dispensers and yeast infections (of the bakery variety).

    🛠️ Then Came The Real Work I was never without a job until this MS health fiasco decided to shred my nervous system like pulled pork.

    But before the wheels fell off my life (literally), I was an adult special education teacher. One of the only jobs I ever had where I felt like I was of actual value.

    My students had the best of times, and I was there 100% for them – tall, long-haired, long-bearded biker dude, respected and treated as an equal. We laughed so hard tears streamed down our faces. Riotous laughter that could scare pigeons off the roof. My assistants loved it. My students loved it. We tore down barriers like a biker gang with crowbars.

    ⚽ Gary Lineker and Beyond I had students like Pengi, who thought he was Gary Lineker. Wouldn’t respond unless you called him Gary. Try managing safeguarding reports while shouting “Gary, please put your pants back on”.

    We laughed. We cried. We fooking lived.

    🎓 The Computer Man After that, I went to uni. Reinvented myself as Comp Man. Teaching people how to use Word, Excel, A+, hardware upgrades, networking – all the digital voodoo that turns mere mortals into keyboard warriors. Ran my own small business for a while. Thought I was doing alright.

    💀 Retirement… Or Something Like It And here I am. Retired this year. Totally broke. Destitute nearly. A walking, wheeling monument to how the system rewards graft and compassion with empty pockets and a lifetime supply of codeine.

    But hey. The only light left is Albertine. Hell yeah.

    Even allegedly Aleister Crowley said the universe was divine love or something equally pompous.

    I believe in divine love. And The One.

    So wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever grim corridor you’re shuffling down today, I wish you peace, love, and happiness.

    Because if you don’t laugh, you cry. And I’m too dehydrated to waste tears these days.

           “The views in this post are based on my personal      
              experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
                  “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                         By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

               @goblinbloggeruk -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk
    
  • Posted on

    There I am — parked up in my daughter’s front room, in my wheelchair , trapped in this deranged body of mine, joints on strike, nerves belting out their usual death metal anthem, and the telly crackles to life with Outback Opal Hunters.

    And suddenly… I’m free.

    I’m out there in the dust-blasted Australian outback, surrounded by sweating maniacs digging up rocks like they’re mining the shattered dreams of the gods. And I bloody love it.

    These lunatics aren’t digging for gold or fame. No, they’re chasing after fire trapped in stone opal. Shards of lightning frozen in rock. And what do they do to get it? Risk everything. Lose fingers. Melt in 45-degree heat. Spend 12 hours underground in a hole that’s one bad breath away from collapse just to find a flicker of green in a sea of grey. That’s not a job, mate. That’s madness with a purpose.

    And that’s why I can’t get enough of it.

    These people are broke, busted, broken, and burning up and they keep going. Why? Because maybe… just maybe… the next shovel-full might be their salvation. Or maybe it’s another week of living off tinned beans and borrowed hope. Sound familiar?

    Yeah, I see a bit of myself in every single one of those dirty, half-mad opal chasers. Because when you’re battling a body that’s turned against you like mine has every step, every day, every moment is digging through pain for that one shimmering slice of meaning.

    Watching Outback Opal Hunters isn’t just entertainment. It’s therapy. It’s watching people fight a silent war, and every now and then, win. It’s real, raw, dusty-as-hell life. And when those boys and girls hit pay dirt? When they hold up a stone that looks like it was carved from a rainbow by the devil himself? I feel it. Right down to the bone marrow.

    👑 Rod Manning – The Man Then there’s Rod Manning. He’s not just another miner. He’s the man. A grizzled Aussie bloke whose face is as weathered as the outback itself. The quiet storm of the Bushmen crew. No flair, no ego – just relentless grit and that rare magic touch. When he finds good stones, it’s like watching a magician pull colour from dust. And when things go tits-up (which they always do)? He dusts off, spits in the dirt, and mutters:

    “She’ll be right.”

    And by all buggering chances, it bloody well is. He is awesome. He is the man.

    If my MS was an opal mine, it’d be full of collapses, bad air, and a constant sense of “Why the hell am I even doing this?” But sometimes just sometimes you hit that flicker of colour that makes it all worth it.

    So here’s to the mad bastards with pickaxes and faith. Outback Opal Hunters — you’re not just digging for rocks. You’re digging through my soul, and somehow, making me feel alive again.

    Now pass me the remote and a cold one, I’ve got opal fever.

               “The views in this post are based on my personal   
             experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   
    
              “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                         By storm and silence, I survive.”
    

    enter image description here

               @goblinbloggeruk  -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk