chronic illness truth

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. no AI written content

Well, it's that time of the year again when our gardens need to be sorted out, and the demon weed wacker is going to be performing his tricks. Oh yes indeed, my carer is going to be using the chainsaw over the next coming few weeks to chop down all the over-ruelly bushes and bits of tree and detritus in the garden. As you can remember, the Demon Weed Wacker is slightly accident prone. Yes, he has broken many of my tools. Yes, he broke the lawn mower. He broke the various items of electrical drills and power saws. So, should I let him loose with the electric chainsaw? This is what I ask myself. Well, the question is, of course I am. He's a very sensible person and a wonderful man. And he's been absolutely amazing over this past year. And to be honest, I couldn't have not done a lot of what I've done without him around the house and around the garden. Being my carer, I would have to say, if you need one, you live in the southwest. This dude It is the best.

The thing is, Albertine will not let me use the big electric chainsaw. I said I will sit in my power chair and I will sit in that and use the chainsaw and she has categorically said No chance. So, I am just going to have to look out of the window and see what happens. And be near a phone just in case he chops his leg or arm off. Yes, and the other thing Albertine has ordered a shredder. Yes, this should be fun. To see him using the shredder and I'm betting that the shredder will be knackered within the first couple of hours. But Albertine being Albertine has said, "I'm sure it will be okay." So, we would be waiting to see how he can screw it up. Oh indeed, will he blow it up? Will it refuse to chew it up? I don't know, do you?

So, the next few weeks are going to be anything but dull. Yes, what with Easter coming up? So I have to get the grandchildren Easter eggs. Well, I don't get any Easter presents because I can't eat chocolate, so there we go. And I don't get offered out for any meals at Easter Christmas or any time of the year because my diet is that of, well, hardly anything. As you well know, chronic illness is not good. Multiple sclerosis has turned me well. More than vegan, I suppose. I'm not vegan by choice, that's for sure. But when you consider I mainly just eat rice and a couple of other things and a couple of eggs, that's it. I suppose I'm not vegan then, am I? Because I eat eggs, so vegetarian then. I don't want to upset anybody.

I suppose I've been a vegetarian now for over 10 years, 15 years. And before that, on and off for another 5 years. But now the smell of meat really does repulse me and make me feel totally sick. Yes, I cannot handle any smells from the kitchen, any food that has any fat in it or anything like that. So yeah, my diet is really, really bad due to the autonomic dysfunction and the histamine thing. So yeah, it's been a total nightmare. It's been a living hell, but there we go. Every day is a new day as they say, and I have to be so careful.

I know some people might find this really funny, but I was standing at a local services, not very far from my home. And I was standing near one of those units that pump out the filtration. And you could smell the fat in the air. And the, just the smell of the fat gave me diarrhea. That's how bad it was. So yes, certain smells can give me diarrhea. It is really not very nice. So even smells of washing powders or things like that can give me headaches. It's quite a nightmare, it's the thing now that I can't go into a supermarket anymore. Even if I wanted to go I can't, the smells do for me. I really mean, you know, they push through the smells of pasties and pies from their restaurants. I mean, they smell amazingly nice, but the smells, once they hit my nose, that means the fat. Well, in the nose and out the bummers they say, not very pleasant, so I have to be very careful to the shops I even go into. It's a bloody nightmare, you've got no idea. Some people have no idea what it's like.
And I know it's not just me, there are thousands upon thousands of people all over the world who can't go into supermarkets because of the smells. It's just something that our senses can't handle if you're slightly super sensitive I suppose.

I suppose it started many years ago when I first started going into the big supermarket chains and it was the flooring. The flooring I just couldn't look at the flooring my head used to start spinning and going weird and then there were all the smells. It's so many things going on at once my head just could not cope. It's the most unreal thing because I love going into supermarkets, I love going into shops, but alas, I just really can't anymore because I can't take any chances because why the hell would I want to go out and shit my pants in public. It's not a good thing really is it?

But the thing is, you see, there are so many different hidden illnesses that cause so many different things to happen in the body. Smells can cause havoc. It is quite unreal. And then there are all the issues with certain different foods people cannot eat as well. It's sad really, but it seems that our bodies are not enjoying what we're eating. At the end of the day, if you have a healthier gut, that means it will help your body heal more I believe? So, I think gut health is one of the most important things with chronic illness. Well, that's my opinion anyway.

Still wishing everybody a happy holidays in the next week ahead, and that things don't get too bothersome. Personally, I hate holidays. I really just see them as a bigger day of inconvenience, to be honest. But then again, that's just my own personal opinion. In fact, I can't remember the last time I went on holiday. Yes, that long ago. I gave up trying to go abroad. It was in the days when I had to take all those big farmer drugs and they wouldn't let you go to certain countries with them or fly with them. So go figure I didn't go to many places. I believe Amsterdam and the Netherlands were one of my most favorite places to go. I would go there for a month at a time. I would save up hard from work and scrimp every last penny and have the holiday of a lifetime there. It was absolutely awesome, myself and Albertine and total freedom to be who we wanted to be. I can remember going into the Bulldog and the Damkring and also Mellow Yellow. They were some pretty amazing coffee shops. I think I can remember the grey area as well, but for me it had to be kadinschis in Amsterdam which provided the best marijuana, that's for sure. I think I might have got the spelling a bit wrong there.

Still wishing everybody peace, healing, love and light no matter whom ever you are or whatever you are. Happy holidays!

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

Multiple sclerosis is the chronic gift that never stops giving spasms, fatigue, bladder tantrums, and a brain that forgets where it left itself. Doctors offer drugs that come with side effects nastier than the disease itself. The wellness industry, meanwhile, will happily sell you unicorn dust in a capsule. Somewhere between those extremes lies a handful of vitamins, minerals, supplements and yes, cannabis that might actually help.

Notice the word might. Nothing here is a cure. But if you’re already a walking pharmacy, a few more capsules, drops, or puffs won’t tip the scales much further.

Vitamin D: The Sun in a Capsule

Low vitamin D is practically MS’s favourite sidekick. Get your levels checked; if they’re low, you’ll need more than a weekend in Brighton. Supplement with 600–800 IU daily if you’re average, 2000–5000 IU if you’re basically a mushroom.

Vitamin B12: Batteries for Your Nervous System

B12 keeps your nerves from turning into frayed Christmas lights. Deficiency means more fatigue, confusion, and neurological chaos. Recommended: 2.4 µg daily. Many of us end up with injections because our stomachs laugh at tablets.

Antioxidant Vitamins A, C, E: The Shiny Knights

In theory, they reduce oxidative stress. In reality, they either help a bit or do sod all. Don’t mega-dose—they can mess with MS treatments. Stick to carrots, oranges, and almonds. Food still exists, you know.

Omega-3 Fatty Acids: Fishy Business

1–2 grams of fish oil daily may calm inflammation and protect your scrambled-egg nervous system. Warning: burps taste like the North Sea.

Magnesium: The Spasm Whisperer

Spasms and cramps? Magnesium can help relax the rebellion. 310–420 mg daily. Magnesium glycinate is easier on your gut than magnesium oxide, which basically works like a laxative grenade.

Selenium: The Spark Plug

Tiny but mighty—supports thyroid and immune function. 55 µg daily. More is not better unless you enjoy garlic breath and brittle nails.

Zinc: The Balancing Act

Supports immune health, but too much robs you of copper. 8–11 mg daily. More zinc ≠ more health.

Ginkgo Biloba: The Brain Leaf

Supposed to help memory and brain fog. Maybe. Or maybe you’re just paying to chew tree leaves. 120–240 mg daily. Avoid if you’re on blood thinners unless you want internal fireworks.

Coenzyme Q10: Cellular Coffee

100–300 mg a day may help with energy. Or it may just make your urine pricier.

Lion’s Mane Mushroom: Mop-Head Medicine

Looks like a fungus mop, promises nerve regeneration. Studies on mice and people with dementia show promise. MS patients? Jury’s still out. Best case: your brain cells throw a tiny party. Worst case: you’ve paid good money to eat something that looks like it belongs under the sink.

Cannabis, THC Oil, and CBD: The Plant That Launched a Thousand Debates

Medical Marijuana / THC Oil

Benefits: Reduces spasticity, pain, and helps with sleep. For some, it’s the only thing that takes the edge off nerve pain without turning them into pharmaceutical zombies.

Risks: Brain fog, dependency, paranoia if you overdo it. Oh, and the law, if you live somewhere backward.

Reality: It won’t cure MS, but it can make daily torment tolerable. And tolerable is a miracle in itself.

CBD Oil (Cannabidiol)

Benefits: Weed’s non-psychoactive cousin. May calm spasms, anxiety, and inflammation. You won’t get high, but you might get relief.

Risks: Wildly inconsistent quality. Some bottles contain less CBD than a lettuce leaf.

Reality: For some, it works. For others, it’s just expensive snake oil. Buyer beware.

Dark Wrap-Up: If Big Pharma could patent cannabis, it would already be in blister packs with a four-figure price tag. Instead, they’re terrified of a plant doing their job better. If it’s legal where you are, explore it. If it isn’t—well, let’s just say people have been more resourceful than clinical trials for a very long time.

Other Bits and Bobs Worth Mentioning

Curcumin: Turmeric’s golden child. Needs black pepper for absorption. Anti-inflammatory, allegedly.

Probiotics: Gut health influences immune health. Translation: your sh*t matters.

Alpha-Lipoic Acid: Antioxidant that might help nerves. Or might just be another pill.

Acetyl-L-Carnitine: May fight MS fatigue. Or may just add to the capsule pile.

Vitamin K2: Good for bones and blood vessels. Sounds like a Star Wars droid.

Lifestyle Stuff: Exercise, diet, stress management, and sleep. Yes, the boring basics. No supplement makes up for neglecting them.

The Unvarnished Conclusion

Supplements won’t cure MS. Weed won’t cure MS. Nothing cures MS. But some things might take the edge off, soften the blow, or make life slightly less hellish. That’s worth something. The trick is balance, caution, and not being conned by glittery wellness promises. Swallow what helps, laugh at what doesn’t, and remember: you’re still alive, and that’s the real victory.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.
𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛗᛁᛋᛏ ✦ ᚷᚾᛟᛋ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

Apparently, if you’re disabled, you’re only allowed to exist under one condition: Poor. Meek. Sad. Apologising for existing.

That’s the script. Stick to it and you get pity points. Step outside it, and suddenly society glitches like a 90s Windows PC trying to run Doom Eternal.

Want a garden? Selfish. Go on holiday? Fraud. Dress nicely? Suspicious. Cashmere? Criminal. iPhone? Scam artist. Takeaway curry? Witchcraft.

The unspoken rule is this: you are allowed to be disabled only if you serve as a cautionary tale. You’re supposed to sit in the corner like a sad little prop the “what if” nightmare for the healthy.

But god forbid you look happy, stylish, or in control of your own life. Because then the crowd has to face the truth: disability doesn’t mean half-human. And they hate that.

This is why benefits are designed to keep us broke. This is why policy treats independence like a threat. This is why joy, sex, travel, fashion, humour all of it are policed harder than nightclub toilets on a Saturday night.

We break their fantasy every time we live outside their cardboard script. And when we do, they short-circuit. Sparks, smoke, confused faces. Like someone just shoved a fork into their toaster brains.

So here’s my morning reminder: disabled people are not here to make you comfortable. We’re not your tragedy porn. We’re not your inspiration fodder. We’re not going to sit quietly in beige.

We’re going to live, loudly. And if that fries your circuits? Good.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.