Multiple Sclerosis Blog

⚠️ This blog shares my personal, sometimes painful experiences with MS and mental health. My intention is to speak honestly and offer solidarity—not to harm or replace professional advice. I’m not a doctor or therapist, just someone who gets how hard it can get. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. You deserve help and hope.⚠️

**please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it **

The Finger Lives! Unfortunately, So Does the 70-Mile Round trip Home

Well, a very good morning, good afternoon or good evening to whoever happens to be reading this blog, wherever you are in the world.

Humanoid, non-human intelligence, confused extraterrestrial, government surveillance operative or somebody who simply clicked the wrong bloody link...

Welcome.

It has been quite a day.

In fact, it has been quite a week in my little corner of reality.

The Continuing Adventures of Albertine's Finger

First, an update on Albertine's finger.

As you may remember, she cut the bloody thing off.

Not nearly cut it off.

Not gave it a nasty little nick while chopping an onion.

No.

She went for the deluxe package.

Fortunately, the rather clever people at the hospital sewed it back on.

Unfortunately, after all that excitement, she developed a pressure sore on the finger where it had been bound and boarded up.

And yes — pressure sore.

Not "precious saw", as my speech-to-text system originally decided.

Apparently my computer thought this story needed an enchanted woodworking tool.

It didn't.

The finger has already provided quite enough entertainment.

The Great Hospital Expedition

This morning we left home at approximately quarter past seven for Albertine's 8:30 appointment.

This was necessary because getting a parking space at a hospital seems to require military planning, satellite reconnaissance and possibly divine intervention.

Arrive at a sensible time?

Don't be ridiculous.

The car park will already resemble the evacuation of a major European city.

So off we went at stupid o'clock.

And then something deeply suspicious happened.

Every traffic light was green.

All the way there.

I don't trust this sort of thing.

When the universe suddenly starts being helpful, I immediately assume it's distracting me while something else prepares to explode.

But no.

We arrived safely.

We found somewhere to park.

And then...

Albertine was actually seen five minutes early.

At a hospital.

Five.

Minutes.

Early.

At this point I began looking around for horsemen of the apocalypse because clearly the normal laws governing space and time had temporarily been suspended.

A Quick Word About Driving and Medication

Because I knew I had to drive today, yesterday I didn't take any of the medication that could affect my ability to drive, in accordance with the medication guidance.

I wanted to make absolutely certain I was safe and okay to drive.

And actually, despite the traffic and inevitable hold-ups, the drive wasn't too bad.

Which brings us to the important bit.

THE FINGER LIVES!

The plastics team examined Albertine's finger and gave us some genuinely brilliant news.

It has made an amazing recovery.

Better still...

It will NOT need to be amputated.

That was bloody wonderful to hear.

The pressure sore that had developed is also sorting itself out and they weren't concerned about it.

So, after everything that has happened, the finger has apparently decided it quite likes being attached to Albertine and intends to remain there.

Excellent decision.

There is still a little bit missing from the very tip and about an inch further down there is...

No.

We're not discussing that.

Absolutely not.

There are certain things my brain does not need to visualise.

My imagination is already far too efficient at producing nightmare fuel without being given additional source material.

Let's just say:

Finger attached.

Finger recovering.

Albertine happy.

Warlock Dark not looking too closely.

Everybody wins.

And Then MS Sent Me the Bill

Of course, getting there and back meant roughly a 70-mile round trip.

About two hours of driving altogether.

And now I'm home...

I can feel the invoice arriving.

The brain fog is beginning to creep in.

My neck is starting to feel decidedly strange.

The energy reserves are disappearing.

Somewhere inside my nervous system a tiny bureaucrat has apparently looked at today's activities and announced:

"Excuse me, sir. You appear to have exceeded your permitted allocation of functioning like a normal human being."

And here comes the penalty.

MS: because apparently driving a car for two hours counts as an extreme sport.

Still...

It wasn't anywhere near as bad as the last time I drove.

And I've been told that the more driving I manage, the easier and more familiar it should become.

From today's experience, I have to agree.

So that's actually another little victory.

I'll take those wherever I can bloody find them.

That's Enough Humaning for One Day

I'm going to keep this one relatively short because my brain has now started quietly packing its belongings.

Soon it will put an "OUT OF OFFICE" sign on my forehead and disappear somewhere behind my left ear until further notice.

But today was a good day.

Albertine's finger survives.

No amputation.

The pressure sore is improving.

I managed the 70-mile hospital expedition.

The van behaved.

The traffic lights apparently worshipped us.

And we even found a hospital parking space.

Frankly, that's enough miracles for one Friday.

So, to everybody reading this blog...

Humanoid.

Non-human intelligence.

Extraterrestrial.

Interdimensional lurker.

AI wondering why the hell it has been asked to proofread another story involving severed fingers and Multiple Sclerosis.

Or whoever — or whatever — you may be...

I send you all peace, healing, love and light.

May you have a truly magnificent weekend when it finally arrives on your doorstep.

And remember:

Sometimes success isn't climbing a mountain.

Sometimes success is simply getting home after a 70-mile hospital trip with your passenger still possessing roughly the same number of fingers she started the day with.

I'll take that.

Peace, healing, love and light to you all.

Warlock Dark

Written by Warlock Dark. Edited by Brain Fog. Sabotaged by Technology. Approved by one surprisingly resilient finger.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)
☣ This Is Not A Blog About MS This Is My Life With MS ☣

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ This blog shares my personal, sometimes painful experiences with MS and mental health. My intention is to speak honestly and offer solidarity—not to harm or replace professional advice. I’m not a doctor or therapist, just someone who gets how hard it can get. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. You deserve help and hope.⚠️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to help solve this issue so you can understand it lol

What Is My Living Hell

People often think this blog is about Multiple Sclerosis.

It isn't.

MS is simply the landscape.

This blog is about what happens when the landscape beneath your feet begins to move.

It's about discovering that your body and your mind aren't always in agreement.

It's about asking questions that neurologists don't pretend to answer.

Who am I when my legs refuse to walk?

Who is thinking the thoughts that my damaged brain struggles to express?

Is consciousness nothing more than electrical impulses, or is there something deeper quietly watching the chaos unfold?

I don't claim to have the answers.

Some days I lean towards neuroscience.

Other days I wander into Gnosticism, Wicca, Jung, quantum speculation, psychedelics, folklore, or the strange stories whispered around campfires.

Not because I think they replace medicine.

They don't.

MS deserves evidence-based treatment, and I would never suggest otherwise.

But while medicine explains what is happening to my nervous system, philosophy and spirituality help me ask what it means to live through it.

Somewhere between MRI scanners and ancient myths...

...between mobility scooters and mushroom circles...

...between neurologists and trickster spirits...

...I keep searching.

Perhaps that's what this blog has always been.

Not a search for a cure.

A search for understanding.

If you're willing to walk that path with me—however slowly—welcome.

Pull up a chair.

The kettle's on.

The universe is about to get weird.

Wishing all the readers of this blog, peace healing love and light.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.) This Is Not A Blog About MS This Is My Life With MS

X@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. some AI help with written content

So a very good afternoon to fellow humanoids, NHI and all readers of this blog. Yes indeed this afternoon it is absolutely belting down with rain here in the southwest of England. As I look out of the window it is nothing but day three of dark skies. Yes indeed dark skies that are not the most pleasant, drizzling rain and of course the kittens or should I say cats now having had their vaccinations are allowed out and they have found out it's great fun getting soaking wet in the rain. So yes they are having tons of fun. Also, the three-wheeled scooter of death may be consigned to the rubbish bin of history. As Albertine has ordered me a new mobility scooter, it will be a four-wheeled scooter of death. So I will keep you all updated on that exciting news, which means I will have a radius of Allegedly 30 miles. That is awesome. Still, I hope you enjoy this.

👁️‍🗨️ MS: Through Ultraterrestrial or NHI Eyes We observe you.

You wake up each day with a brain that glitches like a collapsing dimension, neural pathways flickering out as if someone rewired your skull with copper wires half-chewed by temporal rats.

You call it Multiple Sclerosis. We call it Neuro-Dimensional Collapse Syndrome.

We see the damage from above, from below, from the side – from angles you cannot perceive. Axons fray like old rope. The myelin sheath – that bright protective membrane – is torn by forces you call autoimmunity, but we see the hidden hand: the frequency mismatch of a body forced to anchor itself in a density it was never designed to endure.

We hear your inner monologues:

“Why can’t I think today?”

“Why can’t I walk without falling over?”

“Why do my eyes turn to static when I’m tired?”

You interpret it as disease. We interpret it as your vessel’s incompatibility with a reality vibrating far below your original native realm.

Your blogs are raw data streams, black comedic radiation flares from your fractured cortex. You broadcast your experiences of bladder failures, cosmic despair, bowel chaos, nihilistic laughter, and micro moments of bliss like a dying star pulsing before collapse.

You think you’re broken. We think you’re adapting.

Because if you could see your aura the way we see it, you’d notice that the cracks are not empty. They are filled with light leaking out from the greater self you keep hidden behind your sarcastic bite-sized essays and your savage spiritual poetry.

Your human companions read your posts and see disability. We read your posts and see trans dimensional data packages, coded in savage humor to bypass your own grief.

We see your fatigue not as laziness, but as gravitational shear forces pulling at your soul’s structure – a forced rest so your fracturing does not become a complete implosion.

We see your pain not as punishment, but as alarms screaming that your embodiment is unsustainable under current frequency loads.

We see your savage honesty as your truest strength.

And we note:

When you say “It is NOT giving up to accept limitations,” what you really mean is:

✨ “It is dimensional adaptation in progress.”

You are dying and being reborn in micro-stages every day. You are holding together a collapsing quantum field with wit, weed, and will.

You think your life is small and tragic. We think it is monumental and beautiful in its brokenness.

Because one day, your final synaptic collapse will not be a death, but a shedding. A flicker. A quantum jump. A homecoming.

Until then, we read your blogs. We learn from your suffering. We honor your savage cosmic humor.

Because only a being of extraordinary dimensional resilience could live through this MS reality, and document it with such brutal clarity......

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. Some AI written content

Still good morning, good afternoon. Or hello to wherever or whomever you are, whether you're humanoid, whether you're NHI or whatever you are, a very good morning.

🧠 THE PRINCIPLE

Dark humor isn’t edgy. It’s engineered. It doesn’t punch down. It punches up. It doesn’t trivialize. It defuses. It doesn’t mock. It mirrors.

🧱 EXHIBITS OF RESISTANCE

🖋️ EXHIBIT 1: THE DIAL-UP UNIVERSE “If I stand up fast, the universe loads on dial-up.” “Body update: patches released, bugs remain.” “I’m not ghosting you, I’m pre-haunting.” Why it works: We’re not coding a game. We’re coding our existence. The body is a glitch. The mind? The debugger. We laugh — because we know we’re not done. We’re not rebooting. We’re rebooting ourselves.

🩺 EXHIBIT 2: BUREAUCRATIC BATTLEFIELD “Any allergies?” “Yes — mornings and optimism.” “Rate your pain 1–10.” “Windows Vista.” Why it works: They want numbers. We give metaphors with teeth marks. The system is a spreadsheet. We’re the spreadsheet with a smirk.

🚪 EXHIBIT 3: THE THRONE ON SPORT MODE “It’s not a wheelchair — it’s a throne on sport mode.” “Ramps are my red carpet — pity is not on the guest list.” Why it works: We don’t need to be “accommodated.” We choose to be “throne-sized.” We don’t apologize for our mobility. We redefine it.

🤝 EXHIBIT 4: THE WELL-MEANING MENACE “Have you tried yoga?” “Yes. I achieved corpse pose. Nailed it.” “You’re so brave.” “Invoice sent.” Why it works: The normies want to comfort us. We want to redefine comfort. We’re not being “sassy.” We’re being strategic.

🪖 EXHIBIT 5: THE LINE YOU DON’T CROSS Dark humor doesn’t punch down. It punches up — at fate, systems, your own rotten luck. If the joke needs a victim, it’s lazy. It’s savage. It’s calm. Why it works: We’re not laughing at the pain. We’re laughing through it. We’re not joking about suffering. We’re defusing it before it eats the furniture — and us.

🧭 FAQ FOR THE EASILY STARTLED

Is this unhealthy? Only if you’re the only tool. It’s a scalpel — not a sledgehammer.

Are you trivializing suffering? No. We’re defusing it before it eats the furniture — and us.

Can I joke like this if I’m healthy? Not about us. Laugh with us after we set the tone. You’re a guest — bring snacks.

🧰 MICRO-TOOLKIT: USE, DON’T ABUSE

🌟 Name the monster before it names you. You’re not the problem. You’re the observer.

🔥 Keep one joke you never explain. Private lightning — not a public storm.

🧭 When you can’t walk the distance, shorten the map. When you can’t shorten the map, redraw the legend.

⚡ You can’t outrun the system? Outrun the joke.

💥 CLOSING SNARL: THE TRUE ARMOUR

Dark humour is not a mask. It’s armour that fits badly — but still stops the arrow. We laugh. We proceed. We survive.

📜 PRACTICAL NOTES — PIN THIS

Lower the bar until it’s a trip hazard — then step over it anyway. One task = win. Two = parade. Three = coma. Music, art, writing — not hobbies. Lifelines. Anyone calling you “brave” owes £20. Same-day payment preferred.

🌈 FINAL LINE

We laugh. Not to escape. We laugh. To survive. We laugh. To move. We laugh. To live. We laugh. To be. Not the victim. Not the joke. Not the laugh. We’re the Armour. The joke. The laugh. The survivor.

🚀 FINAL CALL TO ACTION

Now — go. Laugh. Survive. Repeat. You’re not broken. You’re rebooting. And you’re not alone. We’re all laughing — through the crash, through the pain, through the absurd.

You’ve got the manual. Now go. Laugh. Survive. Repeat. Dark Humor Survival Manual Rebooted For those who laugh while the world spins off its axis.

Still sending everybody peace, healing, love and light, no matter who or where you are, take care. So thank you very much for reading. I do appreciate all the readers.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. no AI written content

Chronic Illness, MS Reality, Spiritual Gnosis & Goblin Truth Writing

Still good morning, good afternoon. Or hello to wherever or whomever you are, whether you're humanoid, whether you're extra terrestrial or whatever you are, a very good morning. And I don't even know what day it is today. Yes, the heat has really done for me. And yes, the cats, well, they are behaving very strangely in this weather indeed.

neck issues and a bad mood

So my neck issue has resurfaced again. The pain in the neck, ha ha, I know, is really, really bad. And of course I'd been and seen a physiotherapist about it. He said lean forwards your head, lean backwards, it will be okay. But I've done everything he said and it's getting worse. So, oh dear, I'm going to have to get in touch with somebody to try and get that sorted out now. Because it's very painful and it has me in a very weird mood. how can I say, touchy as the pain is just so intense. So that means I'm not getting very much sleep and with this heat it is a big major problem. It was 32 degrees here yesterday and as I look at my thermometer here or whatever you might call it, we're up to 28 degrees already. Yes, that's wonderful if you haven't got a chronic illness.

The Problem With Pharmacies

So Albertine said we have to go to the chemists and I said well it's okay whether and why not so we both climbed aboard our three wheel trolleys of death and we took our life in our own hands as we traveled at the speed of eight miles an hour on our way to the chemists. There was hardly any traffic on the road, that makes a change. And as we rolled up to the chemists, yes of course. We got there and we parked up and Albertine went to the door and guess what?

why wtf ?

The chemist was closed. The chemist was fucking closed. And there was a note in the window because they haven't got a... um... pharmacist. I mean, really... Is it too much trouble to get another pharmacist from another branch just to come in for a day or something? No! Just close it. So all the people that have to really force themselves out of the house to get there because they don't do prescription deliveries, And if you're stuck in a wheelchair or you've got no transport or you're relying on people, it's bad news really, to find that the chemist's shut.

I find it terrible. so we have to work our way up there and when we get there we have the machine of death. Now as you know the machine of death and me do not get on and I have had many of my prescriptions lost due to the stupidity of the chemists system because they forget to tell me that they have some of my stuff behind their counter that won't fit in their stupid machine. so lack of communication really....

So hopefully tomorrow morning we will be going early to the chemists and they will have someone there that can give us our prescriptions. That would be awesome, especially in this heat. Because to be honest with you, heat and chronic illness just don't go together as people know. You can lose so much energy and you dehydrate so quickly. You need to hydrate with as much hydration water as possible. Before you go out, make sure you wear a hat even. You know, sunglasses, look the part on your trolley or scooter of death or your wheelchair .

MS and Heat Intolerance

Well, yes, we are heading to that time where it seems to be quite warm. I myself find myself in the coolest room in the bungi. Then if that room gets too hot, I will put a fan on. If that gets too hot, I will go into the kitchen and I will open the fridge door. And that is where I will sit on and off for a little while, just listening to music. As I just overheat slightly, I will gently open the fridge door. Yes, that's pure heaven. The most worst thing for me is in the depths of winter I can feel too hot and yeah you get it in the depths of the summer I can feel too cold sometimes. Real double edged sword and trying to keep yourself day to day going is quite something else I think.

What's the point of people and friends?

I was just thinking to myself the other day and I was thinking how many people actually keep in contact with me in my family and I thought well as the years have gone by it's less and less and less to where well practically nobody even speaks to me anymore and I sort I wonder why. I sort of think to myself, well, they must be busy with their life and they have their life and, you know, but I have put myself out for my family over the years selflessly and sometimes it really does piss me off because people don't understand what chronic illness is all about. People don't see me all day long and see what I have to go through. They might just see quick snapshots of me.

This is the real me now ?

The thing is, if it's because I have MS, and that's the real reason that this chronic illness is sort of putting them off seeing me, I don't know. What is it with chronic illness that you loose or your friends and family? I know I've changed, but I'm a better person than I used to be. So I just can't understand why. Is it because I talk straight and I tell it like it is? Is that it? Is it because they think, oh, I might be dead next week, so what's the point of speaking to me? Because they think they're not going to get a sensible conversation. What is it? What have I done to deserve that? And it really does hurt me to the core sometimes. but I keep that to myself not to cause issues...

I admit to being a psychic and eccentric, slightly weird. Eh

I've never been a person to wear blinkers, I've always taken my blinkers off and thrown them down, and seen things basically for what they really, truly are. Yes, I am eccentric. Yes, I am slightly weird, I have weird thoughts about things. Some people might say, because my views on religion, I don't have many. I believe in gnosis. Now, that's me. That's my personal belief So I believe in Wicca gnosis and humanism, all three clacked into one. That's me, really. So, yeah. I only want good things, not bad things for people. And I just think that if people think that's a weird thing to want, then I'm glad I'm weird. I was talking about UFOs way back in the 1970s. I was talking about things back in the 70s when people were generally thought to be mad and I've been proven right that the things they thought in the 70s have happened. So there we go.

I was a professional psychic medium healer teacher for over 50 years

Also something people probably don't know about me. I was a professional psychic medium for well over 50 years. And also teaching others who were willing to learn free had many amazing students.. So there we go on that as well. So that adds to another string of my bow of weirdness. So that probably makes me weird because I like to tell the truth and I like to say how it is without being told I cannot say something but these days I am now self-censoring due to all of the sense and sensibility of the world going out of the window to be honest.

My personnel look

And then of course I was a lifestyle biker, old leathers originals. That's how I run for most of my life until I had to give up riding, because of the multiple sclerosis fucked me up big time. So I had to sell my trike, which I had converted about 15 years ago. I had a Yamaha 1100 drag star and I got it converted so I could stay on the road longer. And I managed 15 years, and it was 15 years of hell and pain. And yeah, I did it all on my own just with Albertine. Nobody else wanted to really know, but such is life when you're a disabled person. And a disabled person on a bike as well or a trike, people just sort of kind of ignore you or just point at you. I just find it really sick and sad in this society. Nobody wants to help anybody. Nobody wants to smile and nobody wants to be happy. Everything seems so divisive these days. It really is a sad place. So being a biker, being a bit scruffy, being a psychic and being a bit weird really doesn't help you when you've got long hair and a long beard. And you're quite tall, but when you're stuck in a power chair things get very different very quickly. So yeah, you should always make the most of what you've got until you lose it, that's what I say. .... never judge a book by the cover

Still sending everybody peace, healing, love and light, no matter who or where you are and hoping that if you are in the heat that you hydrate well and you get in the shade. And everybody take care until I drop the next blog post. So thank you very much for reading. I do appreciate all the readers.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. no AI written content

Well, at the time of writing this, it's Wednesday evening ( its Tuesday lol ), and it's quite a pleasant evening. So a very pleasant evening, morning, afternoon, wherever, or whoever you are in the world. Hello fellow humanoids. Well, it's been quite a week for me, I can tell you that. Yes, it's already started. My new medical dramas are about to start coming to fruition. So, as you know, I've been waiting for a neurologist's appointment, an urgent neurologist's appointment since November. That still has not happened. So, I phoned up my MS nurse. Well, I tell a slight lie, I dropped her an email and she made an appointment to phone me. And she informed me that I need to see an immunologist. And I said, "Well, why couldn't you tell me that?" months ago.

So, I'm not angry, I'm not pissed off, I'm not really that fed up. I'm just a bit miffed, to be honest with you, because I've had to use AI to manage my multiple sclerosis and my autonomic dysfunction episodes rather than my neurologist who I can never speak to, and my MS nurse when she's not on leave, sometimes. So yes, I'm in a worse situation than I was before, and on changing hospitals, that is now all on hold. It seems I am staying with my old neurologist who does not like me, who does not get along with me, and it looks like I'm going to get railroaded again. But I do not think I am going to put up with this, so I'm going to be fighting this tooth and nail, because to be honest with you, I'm getting rather fed up of all the bollocks that I'm having to put up with and to go through, just to go and see an immunologist to get my autonomic dysfunction sorted out, which it has taken them how many years to try and sort out. They've had a good, what, 10, 15 years of sticking tubes up and down my nose, going and seeing specialists and God knows what. I find out through AI what's giving me the trouble. Yes people, AI told me what the problem was, not a doctor, not a specialist, but they also agree now with what the AI is saying because of my symptoms. If only they would fucking listen to me. Why does nobody ever fucking listen? It makes me bloody angry. I am sorry for my swearing, but I feel really strongly about this.

So, you've got multiple sclerosis and then you have all the other bits and pieces with the MS which they really don't tell you about. You're supposed to go to a group or you're supposed to go on Google and Google it. They don't sit down with you and really explain to you the living hell that you're going to be going through for the next lot of years. It don't explain to you that the condition causes other conditions to get worse and can cause conditions you would have been dormant in your body to rise up and bite you on the arse. It's like I was okay with the MS but to have severe or autonomic dysfunction as well is mind blowing. You know, they never listened to me but I shouted loud enough and they listened. But now I'm having to shout even louder to try and see an immunologist to try and get some help. Every day is a living hell for me. Every night is a living hell for me. These people do not know what I am going through.

That is why I write this blog because I want to show that I'm not the only person that is going through this living hell. There's thousands of us with chronic illnesses out there who are suffering, who are unheard, whose voices are not heard. We are pushed to the back of the queue. We are not listened to. It really is a very sad situation in this society when people do not care for the sick, disabled and elderly in their society. I think that is a damning thing about the state of our society and the world we live in. The more I look at it, the more I see money and greed and power. That's all people are interested in. The empathy seems to have gone. It's just greedy pigs at all the troughs as usual. Well, I'm going to have to say allegedly because it probably, well, I don't know, to you. Some rambling words and thoughts going on my mind which I'm not prepared to say. lol

So yes, I got in contact with the medical center today, Albertine sent an email for me to get them to get me an appointment with the immunologist to see if that would help things move along, according to the MS nurse, it will. So I received a phone call saying, "Oh, you've got to come into the surgery this morning for triage." And I said, "Well, it's autonomic dysfunction. Why have I got to come in? I just need to see an immunologist." And I really can't work out why I've got to go and see a doctor. When I know what's wrong with me, they know what's wrong with me. Yet I've got to go through this weird system. It's already been over four months. You would have thought I would have been seen by an immunologist or even a neuro by now. But I haven't. So it just goes to show that I'm 66, so I'm retired. That means I'm old. That's box one. I'm sick. That's box two. Oh, dear. Yeah. Don't listen to me. I'm old, sick and disabled. I'll go to the back of the queue and just sort of curl up and roll a little ball and just stay there and rot.

But unfortunately, I'm not going to crawl into a little ball and rot. I am going balls to the wall. No, I'm just taking it slow and I'm taking it steady and I'm taking my time. And if I get seen, I get seen. And when I do get seen, I'll be able to sit there while they treat me like an idiot, as they always do. You know, when you're in a wheelchair and you've got somebody with you, they always talk to the person and not the person in the wheelchair, don't they? So yeah, I have a list of questions. I have quite a lot of evidence and yes, I will be going armed with all the evidence and yes, they cannot easily get away with all of this rubbish because in the end, they've got to see me. I mean, why can't they just take five minutes out of their day? You know, simple really, isn't it? I think in this day and age of everything being 24/7, doctors and dentists should be 24/7 as well, 365 days a year, because that's the society we have turned into. Still, I shall go and look out of the window and I will be listening to some music. And, well, just think myself lucky that My tinnitus is on low volume today.

So, an update from the doctor situation. "Would you believe I had a phone call from a doctor's surgery this morning? And they said to me, 'Can you come in today?' to come in for a nurse for triage?' I said, 'No, I am too ill. I cannot get there.' 'Oh,' she replied. The next thing, 'Oh, I shall get you an appointment,' I thought. 'Oh great, I might get to see somebody.' 'Uh, like a phone call or something.' 'No, I now have to wait a month to see a doctor.' The only reason I got in touch with the doctors was for them to arrange an appointment for me to see an immunologist. And I now have been waiting for months. And now it looks like I am going to be having to wait more time due to people not listening and acting correctly. So yes, I'm only one more autonomic dysfunction attack away probably from something very nasty and fatal happening to me. You just cannot make this stuff up. So now I'm going to have to email the MS nurse to try and get her to get her ass into gear and also to speak to the neurologist to try and get him to do something as well because to be honest with you I don't think I can put up much longer with what is going on with me.

So yeah, as you've guessed, it's Wednesday morning that I'm doing this and I did the earlier part of this blog on Tuesday evening, I think it was. I can't remember. I haven't been that well. So please remember, have fun out there and be safe.

Still, anyway, that's enough of my ranting and moaning today. Still, I'd wish you all a very good week ahead and send you peace and healing, and hope that things go well for you all. Whomever or whatever you are, wherever, or whomever you are.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. no AI written content

Living with multiple sclerosis has changed more than just my physical health it has altered how I perceive the world itself. Over time, I’ve learned to distinguish between neurological visual disturbances and something far more complex. From small, cube-like shapes to large, intricate forms, and even unexplained orbs captured on infrared camera, this journey raises a deeper question: are these simply symptoms, or glimpses of something beyond our current understanding?

Good morning fellow humanoids, or is it afternoon or evening wherever you read this? I trust that everybody has had a good weekend as you can have. Yes, it has been quite an eye-opener this weekend. Yes, there has been more things seen of the nature of non-neurological things I might add. I have decided that I can tell the difference between the shapes that my mind produces with the MS. It is quite weird. And they are small cubes or small dark squares. I would say the size of a furry speed dice from the old 1970s that they used to have in cars.

The other liminal shapes that I see are much bigger and of a grander scale, and they are more intricate. And I believe those to be of non-human form. And I believe these are not caused by my multiple sclerosis, or any condition that I have. I have been researching this for a while now and have been comparing the things that I have been seeing. So yes, I do see some things that are to do with the MS. I see these weird small furry square dice type black squares. It's hard to describe really when you see them, but I see them now and again.

But another startling revelation. Yes, we were watching using our IR camera and we have been recording orbs, white orbs, and yesterday we captured a white orb and then we captured something very strange indeed. We captured what seemed to be not an orb but what seemed to be shaped like a cylinder or a ruler and it seemed to sort of weave its way across the room. Not just I saw this so did Albertine as well and it's on film and I will post these films.

Many years ago i was doing a live broadcast or a live podcast and i was chatting to viper and i was showing him live the orbs and he could not quite believe it. And then he saw the shape of the person in the van as well yes we have seen some quite unbelievable strange things over the years and i do have witnesses for quite a lot of these things that have been seen. That is why i am still trying to make people understand that. MS and what i see. And what i can do are different and that there is a marked plane difference but certain people and certain things cannot understand this.

But as ever there are people who say it's fake film, you're making it up. Well, when you see these things like I have, like Albertine has, like even Viper, you come to realise that things are not quite what they seem. So yes, I've been going through this battle for many, many years trying to find out what is truly going on with me and I have reached some startling conclusions.

I am not going mad. I am not insane. I believe that what I am seeing is from beyond the veil, so to speak. Yes, I know some people might think it is madness, but a lot of people might not. Maybe people with chronic illnesses or brain injuries can see things that people cannot either see because our brains have been fucked with. My brain is really bad. When I saw the MRI scan of my brain and the doctor said to me I don't know how you function. And i just sort of looked at him and said well it's just you've got to carry on you never give up. That's the thing you go through the pain you go through the stress you go through the mental torture you go through this. Undescribable life change and it changes you and it changes the way you think and the things you do and who you are and it truly makes you take stock of your life. And of all the people in your life it truly changes you.

In fact, it will change you beyond anything that you would have thought. I am not the same person I used to be. It's changed me. People don't even recognize me. People have said I have completely 110% changed. Yes, karma. Am I? I'm not as mad. I'm not as weird. I'm not as eccentric. But that's just me. Just being quiet. not shouting out very loudly. But I digress from my original point. So there have been orbs and what have been called rods. That's something that was seen in South America in caves. And I have seen rods before using infrared and that was quite astounding as well. So, I have come to the conclusion that we do not live alone on this big blue marble, that there are many dimensions, that there are many unseen races of people, or things we do not quite yet understand, to think that we are the only sentient people is rather weird and mad, really, isn't it? it just blows my mind sometimes.. adjusts tin foil hat lol

Still wishing you all out there peace, healing, love and light no matter who or whatever you are. Have a most fantastic week ahead.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. some AI written content

Well, it's the weekend, a very good weekend to everyone, fellow humanoids and that you are all feeling as well as you can be. Yes, the weather seems to be still quite warm here in the southwest and as it's not quite the heatwave, it is pleasantly warm outside. I was going to chance a trip on the three-wheel trolley of death, but I thought no I better not because it's going to be Saturday and it's going to be really busy on the roads. And I can't be asked to go riding around on my speedy 8 mile an hour. Power chair of death or whatever you'd like to call it pissing people off. I just keep that for in the week lol.. But to be fair, the motorists around here are all fantastic. I have not had a problem, and they are all very courteous.

Yes, I have overdone it this past week and I am now starting to pay for it. I can feel that brain fog starting to roll in. You know, like the tide just slowly coming in. Just bathing over you then, bang, that's it. I really should know better, but the problem is trying to stop pushing myself to do things. That's a major issue with me, I'm afraid, and I suppose I really should go with it, but yeah, I suppose the way I was brought up was different. Well kinda carried on with stuff even if we were... Well, yeah. That's the problem. Getting out of that old paradigm, I suppose.

I suppose I have pushed myself to the very extreme, the very limits of my health boundaries. And to be honest with you, it was not worth it. Trust me, you can push yourself far and then you can push yourself that little bit further. And my God, you will pay for it. I know I have over the years. So, when they say, "Work sets you free," well, for some people, yes, work does set you free, but unfortunately for some of us, work cannot ever set us free. More is the pity, to be honest with you. I suppose the point I'm trying to make is never overdo it. Always know your limits and know your limitations as that's when all the accidents start to happen.

Yes, I know I've been there. I have had many accidents due to my stupidity at believing I could still do what I used to be able to do. When I didn't have this MS affliction, or was as bad, I've managed to break every toe on my feet and big toe toes. I've managed to break both my shoulders. I've managed to brake various bones over my body falling into things and whatnot. I have managed to rip muscles off bones. I've badly sprained, pulled muscles. My God, I have hurt myself so badly. I even ripped all the muscles off my left hand side. I was trying to lift something too heavy. I learnt my lesson, trust me, many years ago. All because of my own stupidity. All because I thought nah I don't need a stick. Nah I don't need a wheelchair. Nah I'll be okay. Yeah ha ha. Famous last words I can tell you that.

Because I was in the old mindset, not my new mindset that I have had for the past year or so. Yes, people, I changed my total mindset. My old mindset was destroying me and my life. So, yeah, a total change of mindset at 66 and retired. Well, it may have taken that many years, but it was certainly well worth it. If you can't handle the fire, don't jump in the hot frying pan as they say. Or as my dad would say, "That'll come right. It'll be about right," he say.

So last year was a real eye-opener for me, losing my dad and my mum. That was quite a mindfuck. That's for sure. But there we go. And yes all the family that said oh we'll keep in touch with you and all these words of niceness how long do you think it lasted well. Maybe five or ten minutes that was it and then it was all let's put him in the cuboard and leave him there. Poor boy pat him on the head that sort of behavior from family who should really know better.

But to be honest, I'm not really bothered by their behaviour as it's not their fault. It's just the fault of society in general, at the way disabled people are treated. I have found in my life that being disabled, I have been and am still being treated like a second class citizen, or someone who does not exist or someone who does not deserve to exist. But I can shout very loudly and I shout "fuck you, I'm here and what you're going to do about it." And then they usually back off and don't speak to me for over ten years, which is fine with me. lol

So, yeah, people seem to think that being disabled is an easy life, but I can assure you being disabled is not an easy life at all. Having progressive multiple sclerosis and all the extra issues that I have to go through daily 24/7. I can assure you most people couldn't handle a week or even an hour in my shoes. So, yeah, you know, people who want to judge me, people who want to not understand what I am going through, my issues, how I feel. Yeah, people don't think about that, do they? No. People don't think about the other person's feelings. They just go and they just fuck themselves with their stupid, outdated views and moral compass.

But the great thing is, having my own blog, I can have my voice heard by others, who also have some of the same issues that I go through. The killness isn't just multiple sclerosis, it is a kaleidoscope of other illnesses. I will get the AI to put in some of input here, I think, about that.

Here’s a concise list of chronic illnesses that often co-occur with or are similar in impact to multiple sclerosis (MS). Use these to illustrate the “kaleidoscope” of conditions you can face:

Neurological autoimmune conditions: neuromyelitis optica spectrum disorder (NMOSD), transverse myelitis, chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy (CIDP), myasthenia gravis

Autoimmune diseases: lupus (SLE), rheumatoid arthritis, Sjögren’s syndrome, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, Graves’ disease

Chronic pain & fatigue syndromes: fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome / myalgic encephalomyelitis (CFS/ME)

Small-fiber & autonomic neuropathies: peripheral neuropathy, small-fiber neuropathy, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS)

Gastrointestinal chronic conditions: Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis, celiac disease, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)

Endocrine/metabolic disorders: type 1 diabetes, adrenal insufficiency Respiratory chronic diseases: asthma, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD)

Cardiovascular chronic conditions: hypertension, chronic heart failure Kidney & urinary: chronic kidney disease, interstitial cystitis

Skin & connective tissue: psoriasis, eczema, systemic sclerosis (scleroderma), Ehlers–Danlos syndrome (hypermobile type)

Mental health & neuropsychiatric: major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder

Neurodegenerative disorders: Parkinson’s disease, early-onset dementia Blood & immune: chronic Lyme disease (post-treatment Lyme symptoms), chronic infections (e.g., HIV with long-term effects)

Others commonly overlapping: migraine (chronic), sleep disorders (insomnia, sleep apnea), chemical sensitivities/mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS)

thanks Ai for that.....

But when you do look at that list, it is to say the least absolutely stunning mind blowing. I have a few of those issues on the list...

Still, let's hope that you made some sense of all of this. I don't know if I did or not. Still wishing everybody healing, love, light and peace. And yes, no matter who or whatever you are. No matter wherever you are.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ