chronic illness brain fog

⚠️ This blog shares my personal, sometimes painful experiences with MS and mental health. My intention is to speak honestly and offer solidarity—not to harm or replace professional advice. I’m not a doctor or therapist, just someone who gets how hard it can get. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Please reach out to a trusted friend, support group, or professional. You deserve help and hope.⚠️

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction, and use AI to proof read and help solve this issue so you can understand it

well as I post this I am suffering with a stress attack with brain fog,and my autonomic dysfunction is strangling me making it harder to breathe looking like the nxt few days are going to be a bit unpleasant.. still remember to hydrate and not to over do things like I have and am really paying for it now due to me not taking my own advice still things have to be done until I cant any more physically and mentally as I slide deeper into this progressive ms but that’s life

Because apparently losing control of your nervous system wasn’t humiliating enough

Multiple Sclerosis is many things.

It is painful. Exhausting. Frustrating. Unpredictable. Occasionally terrifying.

It is also, and nobody puts this bit on the cheerful NHS leaflet, spectacularly fucking embarrassing.

MS doesn't merely attack your nervous system. Oh no. That would be far too straightforward.

It waits.

It studies you.

It learns precisely which remaining scrap of dignity you still possess...

...and then kicks it down a flight of stairs while you piss yourself trying to remember what a staircase is called.

Welcome to another glamorous day with Multiple Sclerosis.

Here are 20 of the most embarrassing things MS can throw at you.

And before somebody sends me a strongly worded email: yes, these things are serious. Bladder dysfunction, bowel problems, cognitive impairment, tremor, mobility problems and spasms can have a massive effect on somebody's life.

Sometimes laughing at the bastard is how we survive it.

1. The Emergency Toilet Sprint

Your bladder sends an urgent neurological telegram:

TOILET. NOW.

Unfortunately, your legs received a completely different message:

We’ll get back to you within three to five working days.

So begins the world's slowest emergency sprint.

You can see the toilet.

The toilet can see you.

There are twelve feet between you.

It may as well be fucking Everest.

2. Pissing Yourself in Public

There isn't really an elegant way of describing this one.

Sometimes MS means you don't make it.

You can plan routes around toilets, restrict drinks, wear protection, know every accessible loo within a twenty-mile radius and still occasionally discover that your bladder has declared itself an independent republic.

And nothing restores your dignity quite like standing in public thinking:

Well. That's wet.

3. The Fart of Uncertain Intentions

For most people, passing wind is a fairly straightforward administrative procedure.

With dodgy sensation and bowel problems, however, every fart becomes a high-stakes negotiation.

You think:

"Probably safe."

Your bowel replies:

"Interesting theory."

And suddenly you're gambling with odds that would get a casino investigated.

Never trust a fart when your nervous system is being operated by drunk electricians.

4. Walking Like You've Drunk Twelve Pints While Completely Sober

There you are at ten o'clock in the morning, staggering down the pavement like you've spent the night drinking industrial quantities of whisky.

You haven't.

You're completely sober.

Your balance just happens to resemble that of a pirate walking across a trampoline during an earthquake.

The looks from strangers are particularly charming.

You sometimes want a T-shirt saying:

I'M NOT PISSED. MY BRAIN HAS JUST LOST CONTACT WITH MY LEGS.

5. Falling Over Absolutely Nothing

No ice.

No kerb.

No loose paving slab.

No small child with a tripwire.

Nothing.

One second you're standing upright.

The next you're examining the carpet at extremely close range.

Someone inevitably asks:

"What did you trip over?"

My central nervous system, apparently.

6. The Wall Bounce

Why simply walk through a doorway when you can enter it like a pinball?

Left shoulder.

Right shoulder.

Door frame.

Cupboard.

Possibly the dog.

Eventually you arrive in the next room looking as though you've just escaped a pub fight.

Technically, you successfully walked ten feet.

Achievement unlocked.

7. Missing the Chair

You have been sitting down successfully for most of your life.

It isn't a new skill.

You understand the basic concept.

Chair behind bottom.

Bottom goes down.

Civilisation has relied upon this technology for centuries.

Then MS gets involved.

Suddenly sitting down requires trajectory calculations normally performed by NASA.

And occasionally...

you miss.

8. Dropping Absolutely Everything

Phone.

Keys.

Fork.

Remote.

Cup.

Pen.

Medication.

The thing you've just spent twenty minutes looking for.

There comes a point where you stop picking things up immediately because experience has taught you that you'll probably drop the bastard again.

Eventually the floor becomes a secondary storage system.

9. The Fork-to-Mouth Navigation Failure

The objective is simple:

Move food approximately twelve inches from plate to mouth.

Unfortunately your nervous system has decided this requires experimental choreography.

Food goes onto your shirt.

Onto your cheek.

Onto the table.

Possibly into your hair.

Your mouth sits patiently nearby wondering why nobody invited it.

Fine dining with MS.

Michelin would be appalled.

10. The Brain-Fog Conversation Crash

You are halfway through a perfectly intelligent sentence.

You know exactly what you're talking about.

Then...

Nothing.

The thought has vanished.

Not hidden.

Not temporarily misplaced.

Deleted.

The other person waits.

You wait.

Your brain displays the neurological equivalent of:

404 — THOUGHT NOT FOUND

Eventually you say:

"I've forgotten what I was saying."

They helpfully reply:

"You were talking about—"

YES, THANK YOU, I KNOW I WAS TALKING.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

11. Forgetting the Name of Someone You've Known for Twenty Years

You recognise their face.

You know where they live.

You know their partner.

You've been to their wedding.

You may even know their dog's birthday.

Their name?

Gone.

So suddenly everybody becomes:

"Mate."

"Love."

"Hello... you."

Nothing suspicious about that whatsoever.

12. Using Completely the Wrong Word

"Pass me the... food shovel."

"The what?"

"The silver thing."

"A spoon?"

"YES. THE FUCKING SPOON."

Brain fog doesn't necessarily remove the concept.

Sometimes it merely removes the perfectly ordinary word describing it.

So your house becomes filled with exciting new objects such as:

The clothes washing box.

The cold cupboard.

The television changer.

The foot gloves.

And the thingy.

Especially the thingy.

13. The Leg That Resigns Without Notice

Everything is going surprisingly well.

Left leg working.

Right leg working.

Walking happening.

Excellent.

Then one leg suddenly announces:

I no longer recognise the authority of the brain.

It drags.

It buckles.

It stops.

Or it wanders somewhere you hadn't intended.

Apparently collective bargaining has reached the spinal cord.

14. Getting Trapped in Your Own Clothes

Putting trousers on should not require strategic planning.

But when balance, weakness, stiffness or coordination are having a bad day, getting dressed becomes an escape room in reverse.

One trouser leg twists.

Your foot disappears.

You lose your balance.

Now you're hopping.

Hopping was a mistake.

Eventually you're lying sideways on the bed wearing one sock and quietly threatening a pair of jeans.

15. The Public Tremor Performance

You are carrying a cup of coffee.

The cup is full.

People are watching.

Your hand suddenly decides it has always dreamed of becoming a cocktail shaker.

Coffee begins performing orbital manoeuvres around the rim.

You stare at it.

Everyone else stares at it.

You attempt to walk very carefully.

This naturally makes everything worse.

By the time you sit down, you've transported approximately 40% of the coffee.

The rest is decorating the route.

16. Being Defeated by a Sofa

You sat down.

This was your first mistake.

Twenty minutes later you decide to stand.

Your legs disagree.

So begins the launch procedure.

Rock forward.

Rock back.

Forward.

Back.

Forward again.

Hands on knees.

Push.

Nothing.

Reposition.

Make strange noise.

Try again.

Eventually you achieve verticality with the elegance of a newborn giraffe being fired from a trebuchet.

17. When MS Invites Itself Into Your Sex Life

Nobody puts this in the glossy information leaflet either.

Numbness.

Altered sensation.

Spasms.

Pain.

Fatigue.

Weakness.

Bladder urgency.

Parts of your anatomy apparently working to completely different timetables.

Romance can occasionally become less:

Fifty Shades of Grey

and more:

Could you move my leg? It's gone numb and I need a piss.

Sexy.

Very sexy indeed.

18. The Sudden Spasm

Your body suddenly jerks.

You didn't request it.

You didn't approve it.

You weren't consulted.

MS has simply activated the random movement generator.

Naturally this often happens at precisely the moment you'd prefer to appear calm and normal.

Your body:

SURPRISE!

---

19. The Scooter or Wheelchair Manoeuvre of Shame

Mobility equipment gives independence.

It can also provide opportunities for spectacular mechanical humiliation.

Doorways become narrower.

Shop displays become magnetic.

Furniture develops suicidal tendencies.

You misjudge a corner.

Clip something.

Reverse.

Clip something else.

Reverse again.

Now six people are watching.

At this point there is only one sensible course of action.

Pretend the entire manoeuvre was deliberate.

Professional driver.

Obviously.

20. Having to Explain Any of the Above

And perhaps this is the final indignity.

Something embarrassing happens.

People stare.

Someone asks whether you're alright.

And you find yourself calmly explaining:

"I've got Multiple Sclerosis."

As though MS is some badly behaved child you've brought shopping.

Meanwhile inside your head you're saying:

YES, THANK YOU, NERVOUS SYSTEM.

ANOTHER FUCKING MASTERCLASS.

Eventually, Embarrassing Just Becomes Tuesday

There is a peculiar point you can reach with chronic illness where the definition of embarrassing starts changing.

You fall over.

You laugh.

You forget a word.

You invent another one.

You spill your drink.

You clean it up.

Your bladder betrays you.

You deal with it.

Not because these things aren't difficult.

They bloody well are.

Loss of independence is real.

Loss of confidence is real.

Bladder and bowel dysfunction can be devastating.

Cognitive problems can be frightening.

Mobility problems can fundamentally change somebody's life.

But embarrassment depends partly upon believing your body shouldn't be doing these things.

After living with MS long enough, you begin to understand something.

Your body is damaged.

Sometimes it misbehaves spectacularly.

That isn't a moral failing.

So eventually you stop apologising quite so much.

You start adapting.

You start carrying spare clothes.

You learn where every toilet is.

You laugh when you've called the refrigerator a cold food wardrobe.

You swear at your legs.

You negotiate with your bowels.

You glare suspiciously at stairs.

And somewhere along the way, the ridiculous becomes normal.

Because after enough years with Multiple Sclerosis...

“Embarrassing” gradually becomes “Tuesday.”

Welcome to My Living Hell.

Real life. Real MS. Real humour.

No inspirational fucking butterflies required.

and yes I have had many incidents like those above over the years.. remember when you go out be prepared for every eventuality sending everyone peace healing love and light

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)
☣ This Is Not A Blog About MS This Is My Life With MS ☣

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. no AI written content

A Very Good morning, good afternoon, fellow humanoids and eti , where ever you may be, Well, it's a very wet day here in the southwest. We've been experiencing rainstorms most of the night and throughout this morning, unfortunately. And it is getting rather cold here as well. As I look out the window, all I can see is a grey nothingness of sky, full of rain and well grey yuck. Oh dear me, and today It promised to be a sunny warm day and afternoon. I suppose that tomorrow and the next day will be pretty much the same. Well, this is the sort of weather we get these days isn't it? It is quite amazing. Rain, rain and more rain and even more fog.

What happened to the weather?

Yes, it's depressing looking out of the window these days because well everything is so dull and drab there is no color to look at so to speak. The sky seems washed out all the time and then we have all these weird clouds It's quite strange really. Of course I can remember the 1960s to 1970s and the skies were lovely and blue. The sun was yellow and warm. We never had any of this horrible weather we have now. I remember going to school and it would rain and it would be a warm rain. It rained for a few minutes. It's gone. Yes, the weather has definitely changed. Well, I suppose it's getting colder. I say it's getting warmer but to me having MS it's like getting colder and hotter at the same time. I know it sounds a bit weird but when you have MS it can cause all sorts of issues. The heat and the cold. There is no such thing as a good temperate climate I'm afraid. Well, not in the UK anyway but I hear Portugal is supposed to be quite good.

No market, the weather is atrocious.

So I have been looking forward to this all week and yes, the market that we only get once a month Well, I'm not gonna be able to get there. What with the weather? It is too cold It is too wet and there are some quite mega puddles about I know it's only a couple of miles to the market But the thing is my three-wheel trolley of death does not like the wet weather and I fear that the brakes might not be very good in this wet weather either and Yeah, I don't want to be having an accident that would never do So it's in the garage and that's where it's going to stay till tomorrow when I'm going to try and go out for a few hours somewhere with Albertine and then hope it's fairly dry because the cold and the wet, well, these mobility scooters don't like the cold. No, they don't. It affects their performance quite drastically. It's... Battery does not last very long in the cold. It can drain overnight if you leave your battery outside. Yes, it can. And I have lost two sets of batteries over the past few years, and it's cost me nearly 400 quid each time, I think. And that's not good. But there we go. We learn. And when we learn at our own costs sometimes...

Maintenance of mobility scooters

The most important thing to remember whatever mobility scooter you have is to keep it regularly maintained. I found the most important thing is squirting lube on the bearings on the wheels. Because believe it or not those bearings do need lubrication and all you have to do is remove one nut on mine and you can see the bearing and just squirting in some silicon grease does the business. It makes that ball race go round like a dream. and also generally keeping an eye on the tightness of all your bolts as well as what I have found on my three-wheeled scooter of death literally after going out and coming back there are several nuts that decide to come loose, I have now got some lock nut solution on those to stop them coming undone but the quality of some of these nuts and bolts ....I've never seen such rubbishy nuts and bolts to be honest with you ...

The next mobility scooter that I'm getting

The next mobility scooter that I'm getting will be a four-wheeled mobility scooter and it will have solid tyres. Yes, punctures are a hazard on a mobility scooter if you're on the road or pavement as there are all sorts of horrible little things that can quite easily puncture your tyres. At the moment I have to carry a Tyre pump and a solution to putting the inner tube in case I have a puncture. Yes, being caught out in the middle of nowhere with a puncture is no fun as I have found out to my cost when I had to bring my three-wheeled scooter of death home on two wheels. That indeed was precarious. Also, I'm going to make sure it's a scooter that has a removable battery so I can put the scooter in the garage and charge the battery separately. And keep the battery out of the cold and also have a spare battery is also a good thing.

Also on the three-wheeled trolley of death or scooter of death or whatever we call it, there is a big big big problem and that is if you go too far, you're not coming home. Yes, the problem is here that the distance that it says in the book isn't the distance that you actually get when you're actually out on it. So, yeah, the mileage is a bit iffy to say the least because it's got to do with weather conditions. And as we know, weather conditions in the UK are pretty crappy, so it's going to be pretty crappy battery performance on a cold day. So yeah, the new scooter that I am hopefully getting does about 30 miles and I'll carry a spare battery so that'll give me maybe what 60 miles but who the hell wants to do 60 miles on the mobility scooter in a day? Well could you actually do that? Just imagine the traffic hold-ups and the abuse that you would suffer. It'd be quite comical really. It'd be a bit like having a tractor going slow with big bales on the back and yeah you get the picture.

UFO UAP disclosure and other things.

So they say aliens walk amongst us. I find that quite exciting if it's true. But what happens if we're the aliens? Has anybody ever thought of that? I know, that's a bit weird, isn't it? So I hear no one ask out there, well how's your autonomic dysfunction going? Well, how is it going? I'm managing to keep it down to a bearable level. using the AI to help me with what I can and cannot eat, and we went through a list of foods that can set off histamine reactions in my body, and also foods with histamines in that can cause a reaction. I was surprised to find that even some foods with no histamines in can cause a histamine reaction in the body and can cause the body to make histamine. I was surprised but I have done what the AI has told me to do.

Shh don't tell the nhs lol

Now, the thing is, let's keep this quiet lol . I used a medical AI. And to be honest with you, it's better than any doctor I have ever seen. And it helped me so much. It was unfucking believable. So if you're like me and you're really suffering and you are desperate for help and there is none coming from the NHS, what I suggest is try a medical AI. And it helped me, it put my mind at rest. And my autonomic dysfunction now is at bearable levels. I really have had my eyes opened that speaking to an AI about my MS and autonomic dysfunction has been more fruitful than ever talking to doctors, nurses, MS, nurses, or neurologists, or any healthcare professionals, to be honest with you. The thing is the AI listens and listens and listens and listens. It doesn't ignore you, it doesn't gaslight you, it doesn't treat you like a fucking idiot. That's the difference. AI treats you more like a human than the doctor or the neurologist does. You go see the neurologist or the doctor, it's a pat on the head. Good boy, good girl. Now fuck off. Go away. I'm not going to speak to you for weeks to tell you what's wrong with you. But I already know. You know, these people act like God. Well they're not gods. I've proved that because I've had AI help me and I trust AI over the triage I've ever had anywhere else.

But that's my own personnel opinion always seek help from a healthcare professional if your not me

So yes, I have used modern day tools to help me. But enough of all that, that was a bit of a rant I'm afraid. Well, I've been waiting for ten years to get this autonomic dysfunction sorted out, and well, you know, I'm nearly there, but I don't think I am.

Stress levels. It was due to a double glazing salesman would you believe?

This week has been one of the worst weeks for a long time for my stress levels. I suppose this is one of the first times I've ever talked about my stress levels. Well, I find that people can stress me out and when I get too stressed out, I tend to react. And yes, yesterday I had to leave the room due to getting so stressed out. It was unreal. It was due to a double glazing salesman would you believe? He was trying the hard sell and to be honest I could see he was trying to push bully maneuver you know the sort of thing your wheelchair use you're also a pensioner and yeah you know the real hard sell big boy pressure stuff So after about 10, 15 minutes of his bullshit, I decided that I was going to go.

But he kept on and on and on and my fuse was getting shorter and shorter and shorter and I was getting really wound up. You know what it's like and I just had, I just said, I'm not feeling too good and I had to leave the room and an Albertine deal with it because the guy had me really stressed and yeah, I was feeling so angry, it was unbelievable. I wanted to deck the bloke, I know, that's a really bad thing and it's a really bad place to be in. But when you're under pressure and somebody knows that you're ill and they're pressuring you, it's a nasty thing to do, isn't it? So I had to suffer massive stress. Yeah, well, if a certain person had been there, that wouldn't have happened. And well, there we go. So yes, when you are disabled and you are in a wheelchair, you can be at the mercy of people. And I don't find that very, very nice. Yes. So it really is a fucked up world.

Sometimes I think what's the point? To all of this bullshit that I have to go through every day. or the stress I have to go through every day, or the pain I have to go through every day, or the headfucks I have to go through every day, the brain fog, constant spasms, the constant, the constant horrible feelings I have to go through in my head and my body. If you go through this, do you truly understand what it's like to have pins and needles in your body? Lightning bolts going up and down your spine, going down your legs. Your tongue is half eaten away because when you try to eat food, your tongue's so numb, you chew your tongue off. When your tongue starts spasming, that is the freakiest fucking thing of all, and that really, really freaks me out. It's just awful. And the thing is it plays hell with your mental health as well. And really, really, really is debilitating and people just do not realize. In fact, I believe a lot of people don't give a fuck about me or care.

To be honest, I feel like I've been pushed in a corner by everybody and just left a fucking Rot. Yeah, that's the way it feels, but there we go. Life is generally very strange, but when you have a chronic illness, or you're me, life can get very strange. Yes, so fellow humanoids and maybe aliens out there who are reading this blog, I wish you a most pleasant happy weekend. And if I have said anything that has upset anybody, I am truly sorry. And yes, everybody have a good one because I need to at some point have a good time. But the hell I'm going through, fuck knows when it's going to happen.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

Well, it’s Sunday night. The fan’s finally given up its struggle, limping down to slow like it’s seen too much nonsense today. Outside, the air smells stormy clouds gathering like some cosmic joke about to unfold. Perfect weather to match the chaos inside my head.

Why am I staring at the same damn piece of paper? How many backups do I have? A ridiculous amount. Twice over, because apparently my brain is the gift that keeps on glitching. Cognitive fog? Oh, it’s not just fog, it’s a full-blown London pea soup, and it’s thickening.

Am I losing it? MS or some other unholy curse tangled deep inside me? Questioning sanity is a new hobby, right next to forgetting why I walked into the room or what day it is. At least when I screw up, I forget about it soon after silver lining or just a cruel joke?

I’ve got notes everywhere, scribbles, reminders, basically a paper trail that looks like a conspiracy theory board. Which, spoiler alert, leads perfectly into the next post a tin foil hat special. Prepare for some mind blowing madness. Or just madness. Either way, you might never come back to read what happens to this thoroughly fucked-up dude chasing answers nobody wants to give.

So, seriously does your MS come with its own brand of weirdness? I’m all ears (well, eyes). Need to swap war stories or just shout into the void together? Hit me at sick@mylivinghell.co.uk. I promise I’ll get back eventually probably after a nap or a freak-out session.

Meanwhile, I wait for the storm, my body aching like it’s been in a fight with life itself. No spoons left in the jar today.

Cheers to the chaos.

                     “The views in this post are based on my personal    
                         experience. I do not intend harm, only honesty.”   

                                  “By ink and breath and sacred rage, I write.
                                           By storm and silence, I survive.”

                               @goblinbloggeruk -  sick@mylivinghell.co.uk