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⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.
Still it Sunday afternoon and the weather outside is grey and typically awful this time of year. As I look out the window it's just grey and dull, dreary, horrible, nasty, south-western, blah weather. But I am reminded today is Yule. So I wish all those who celebrate Yule a very happy Yule. And if I don't get to blog again before, I wish everybody seasons, greetings, holiday greetings or whatever greetings you have. If you're working that day, have a good day and all that sort of stuff. But from my perspective, of my point of view, Christmas day is just like any other day, just with a bit of tinsel on top. Does it make me feel any happier toward people? Probably not at Christmas. I've turned into a real bar humbug type of dude. Yeah, I do it for the grandchildren. And that's about it, really. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother with Christmas as Christmas lost all its meaning 40, 50 years ago, I think. It just got too commercial. And I think the true meaning of family and togetherness and happiness has been lost. So yeah, it's all more about all who can buy this, who can have that and who can afford this and that. I'm just generally not into all that. So yeah, I don't send Christmas cards, haha. And I don't get any back. Well, I haven't got anybody who sends me stuff anyway, so that really doesn't bother me. I think all my family disowned me when they found out I had MS because they couldn't handle it or me, too many skeletons in the cupboard. Yeah, so it's always easier to blame somebody who is an outsider than themselves or think of others. So yeah, I'm a cookoo in a few nests, but that's not my fault. So well. . Well, that's their loss, isn't it? But then again, families are complicated. I have many brothers, many sisters, many half-brothers, and many half-sisters. Yes, so. I wish them all happy, whatever. And hope that they keep on forgetting me because that would make me a lot happier as they never wanted to understand me anyway. As I am the black sheep, the weird one of the family, the one that has the illness, the one that thinks differently. The one who dresses differently, the one who is kind of out there a bit, I suppose. So to my family, the adopted one wishes all his true brothers and sisters out there the happiest seasons, greetings and holidays and everything. And for all the ones out there who I don't know of, have a good one. Yeah, things can get funny when you're adopted. I thought this blog's about really, it's about what I'm thinking about at the time, not the way the AI used to push me down a certain line. So everything's going to feel higgledy, there's going to be spelling mistakes because as I talk into this microphone and see my words going on to the paper, I can see how it interprets my words. Some of the words will be different, but I don't care because at last I'm free, free to speak my mind. Oh yes, and the worst thing ever to happen to me was with my MS that is was well. Do you want to know? I bet you do, the most worst thing that ever happened and the most embarrassing thing that ever happened. That's always good to know isn't it? Well, when I am doing the spoken word on Spotify, my monthly or bi-weekly podcast, I'm going to be telling all from what it's like to receive catheter training from a really, really, well, yeah, you're just unbelievable stories of 80s and how things used to be and what it's like to receive needles in the spine and stuff like that, the horrors. I'm going to tell it like it is completely unvarnished because that's what you really want, isn't it? Or do you want me to sanitise everything and make everybody feel good? Or do you want to hear it as it is? You know, this is what we really want to know. doing this is so therapeutic. My brain fog is kind of floating in and floating out and I can feel my head pounding in the left and right and my fingers and my feet are like pins and needles. It does feel completely weird and my sort of tongue is being pulled down hard on the left hand side and also my throat is feels like there's something being pulled down in my throat as well. You know what that feels like if you've got MS it's just a nasty horrible feeling but unfortunately the only way of getting around that besides I suppose meditation is going to see somebody and getting help and relief. I use THC, cannabis oil or even medical marijuana or I have been going to the doctor and been getting some lorazepam recently to help and also some benzodiazepine as well strangely. So with these severe attacks I seem to be getting at the moment this autonomic dysfunction stuff when it's all sorted out hopefully I'll be able to get off the big pharma stuff and yeah he's hoping that's going to get sorted out after Christmas but I didn't say which Christmas did I? Well anyway there we go that's it from me this Sunday afternoon and yeah I'm feeling well kind of fed up pissed off and just feeling like I need to be doing something somewhere else. You get that sort of feeling you know where you'd like to go out and you'd like to run a marathon or something but you know you can't even get out your chair because you fall out. So yeah, happy seasons, holidays, whatever greetings to everybody. Have a good one.
Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)
