⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

please remember I suffer with severe cognitive dysfunction this may be a confusing read. no AI written content

So, a very good afternoon to all the humanoids and extraterrestrials, non-human intelligence's, or whoever reads this blog a very good afternoon evening to you all. As we all know, chronic illness is not the nicest things. Having progressive multiple sclerosis like I have, and now this autonomic dysfunction is really, really bad. And I'm hoping that they finally... They finally diagnose my autonomic dysfunction. Seriously, after 10 years this has been going on, I'm just so fed up of the whole thing and I want them to sort it out once and for all. So tomorrow is the high noon moment as far as I'm concerned.

Finally, after six years, maybe I will be heard. (a bit Ranty )

Well, tomorrow is the day I get to see a neurologist after 5 to 6 years of waiting. They sort of lost me five or six years ago somewhere on their records. Yes, it was quite the last time I saw them was quite the experience. I must say. Oh, the joys, so I'm wondering what's going to happen. I've been and got all my questions ready by using my medical AI, which I have found invaluable as I have been working my way through multiple sclerosis and this horrible autonomic dysfunction, which has taken the doctors 10 years, 10 years, I must say, of investigation. And they still haven't got it right yet. So tomorrow is a culmination of 10 years of frustration and 10 years of being gaslit and ignored, so it should be quite interesting what happens.

Listen to me for somethings sakes !!!!

So I have my list and I'm going to read it out to him. I'm not going to give it to him to read because he can browse through and nothing will happen. So I'm going to read that list. I'm not going to let him hit me with his little sticks or whatever the fuck he likes doing. I'm going to sit there and I'm going to be apologetically reading out what I've put. And I'll have my carer with me as well. So yes, I'm going to see what he has to say about this. And then I'm going to find out why he touched me to the curb six years ago, took me off his books. I'd love to know about that, why I've been let go for six fucking years out in the wilderness on my own, with no help but so fucking ever. And if I don't understand something, I'll have my medical AI on my phone. So I'm not going to let him get away with using terms and trying to bamboozle me. I'm going to show this person that I am a person. I am not some fucking num-nuts. And I am fed up with being treated like a lump of meat at a meat market !!!!!!!!

White coat syndrome coming in.

So as we know I have really bad white coat syndrome, and already I am stressed out, sweating,feeling sick, SO I am going to have to put on my big boy pants lol... drop a few lorazapam me thinks lol....as the closer I get to having to go the worse I feel... I am trying not to think about it.. and trying to be positive but its getting harder to do as time goes on as you can only take so much of the hassle and BS I just want it all over and done something to calm it all down some, I am used to my daily grind with the ms, but I need help and there is none anyway we will see what tomorrow brings

I am felling really weird and strange and very stressed out at this time... I am finding it hard to find words and my heads hurting, my breathing's going weirder I am going to have to lay down for a while before I post this

The darkness and the abyss

yes I have that feeling its really weird indeed I suppose I'll have my four-wheeled, slow chariot of death. Yes, it won't go more than about three miles an hour. Even a snail can overtake this one. So, yeah, I should be whizzing around the hospital trying to find where I need to be, playing dodge the patience. Yeah, that's always a good one. Yeah, so it's real inconvenient having to go to a hospital. I used to have a visiting neurologist back in the day, but neurologists don't seem to do places that are out in the boonies anymore. You have to travel hours just to go and see one. And then when you go and see one, you end up disappointed and with a dissatisfaction result, but that's life I suppose, I should be grateful that I can get to see someone.

Well, there we go, still, sending anyone and everybody peace-healing love and light, and wishing everybody a fantastic week ahead. Happiness and smiles to everyone everywhere.

Warlock Dark Chronic illness survivor, truth-teller, occasional bastard. From My Living Hell (For those who came here by accident: yes, my living hell is real. And yes, we still fight. Every shitty day. With defiance.)

@goblinbloggeruk - sick@mylivinghell.co.uk 𒀭𒊩𒆳 ᛞᚱᚨᚷᛟᚾ ᛏᚱᚨᚾᛋᚲᚺᚱᛁᛖᛞ ✦ ᚹᚨᛏᚲᚺᛖᚱ 𒀸𒀭 ᚢᚾᛒᛟᚢᚾᛞ

⚠️ Please read with care: This blog shares personal, sometimes painful experiences. My intention is to support and speak honestly not to harm. I’m not a professional, just someone who understands how hard it can get. If you're struggling, you're not alone please reach out for professional help.

This is the post I wish someone had handed me when I was a kid being told I was “making it up.”

My lived truth

Pins and needles. Numb patches. Vision blips. Fatigue that was dismissed as laziness. It started in childhood and never stopped. Decades later the labels came and went—“viral,” “nervous,” “Guillain–Barré,” “psychosomatic” until MRI-era medicine finally admitted it: Multiple Sclerosis. I didn’t “suddenly develop MS.” I lived it in slow motion while the system gaslit me.

What science admits today

• MS has a prodrome. A long, hazy pre-diagnosis phase often starts in childhood or adolescence.
• Epstein–Barr virus (EBV) is the main spark. Nearly everyone gets it; only the genetically primed go on to MS.
• Molecular mimicry: EBV proteins look like brain proteins. The immune system gets confused and attacks myelin.
• Trauma and chronic stress warp immunity. They don’t “cause” MS but tip the scales.
• Misdiagnosis was rampant. Before MRI, countless people were mislabelled or dismissed.

EBV is not a jab

EBV isn’t in any vaccine. It spreads through saliva and close contact. Vaccines didn’t “give” anyone EBV in the 1960s or now. Full stop.

The childhood piece

Children can have MS. Many of us had a childhood prodrome—years of odd neurological glitches before a diagnosis. Calling kids liars because textbooks lagged behind wasn’t medicine, it was negligence.

Guillain–Barré vs MS

GBS = acute autoimmune attack on peripheral nerves. MS = chronic attack on the brain and spinal cord. Before modern tools, one was often mistaken for the other.

Genetics and family threads

MS risk runs in families. My aunt in Australia has MS too. Genes load the gun; EBV and environment pull the trigger. Stress and trauma crank the safety off.

Childhood abuse leaves scars

Abuse and chronic stress leave biological fingerprints on cortisol, immunity, and epigenetic switches. They amplify EBV’s mischief.

The AI factor

Humans buried data in filing cabinets for decades. AI processed those mountains in seconds and revealed the obvious: MS often begins in youth. That’s not “AI as tool.” That’s AI as revelation.

Vindication

I was told I was lying. Turns out I was early. Medicine was late. The system gaslit me for decades. At 66, I’m vindicated—not by doctors, but by research, data, and yes, AI.

---

Sources you can check yourself

• Bjornevik K, et al. Science (2022): Longitudinal study—EBV infection precedes MS. Link
• Lanz TV, et al. Nature (2022): Antibodies to EBV cross-react with brain proteins. Link
• Tremlett H, et al. Multiple Sclerosis Journal (2022): Review on MS prodrome. Link
• Akmatov MK, et al. JAMA Netw Open (2024): Pre-diagnostic MS symptoms in youth. Link
• Belman AL, et al. JAMA Neurology (2016): Paediatric MS cohort. Link
• Gaitán MI, et al. (2019): Misdiagnosis in MS still common. Link
• Eid K, et al. JNNP (2022): Childhood adversity increases MS risk. Link
• Etemadifar M, et al. (2012): Case series linking GBS and MS. Link

in closing: They called me a liar. Turns out I was an early warning system. I carried the data in my body for decades while textbooks lagged. If you’re a kid reading this with numb hands and doubt in your throat: you’re not crazy. You’re just ahead of schedule in a world that hates being late.

I write in ink and fury, in breath and broken bone.
Through storm and silence, I survive. That is the crime and the miracle.